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24-year-old Feyi* has been dating her boyfriend for six years. They met in 100 level in 2017 and survived university as a couple. In 2022, they have limited incomes, but Feyi is confident they’re set for a comfortable financial future. Read her #LoveCurrency below.

Occupation and location

Hairstylist in Ibadan

Average monthly income

₦‎30k salary. She also sells wigs on the side, and on a really good week, makes up to ₦‎50k in sales. Monthly sales can take her total earnings up as high as ₦‎250k. But on average, it falls closer to ₦‎100k. 

Monthly bills and recurring expenses

Data subscriptions: ₦‎18k 

Food: ₦30k. She gets free food from her employer but has to eat out sometimes when there are delays. 

Transportation: ₦12k

Miscellaneous (includes black tax, vanity purchases, self-care, etc): ₦50k

Boyfriend allowance: Minimum of ₦15k. He’s still in uni, and she’s already working

*No rent because her employer provides her with accommodation

How did you meet your boyfriend?

We met on a group chat while we were trying to gain admission into university in 2016. He was always putting mouth in everything in the group. Me, I was always like, “What’s wrong with this one sef?” He slid into my DMs one day because my profile picture was a baby — he loves babies. We started talking, and I got to know he was at Yabatech and doing an internship. He wasn’t even expecting to get admitted into OAU, but eventually, we both did. We got along really well and started dating officially when we met on campus.

How were your finances then?

I’d already learnt to make wigs. I’ve always been a hustler, to be honest, so I’ve always had small change in my pocket. My boyfriend earned ₦7k from the internship, but he’s also into graphic design and did freelancing gigs, although his money wasn’t as steady as mine. 

I also made wigs, which wasn’t as popular in 2017 as it is in 2022, and earned ₦3k in profit per wig. We didn’t have much, but we lived within our means, and people thought we did. When his ₦7k came in, he’d buy foodstuff, and when you have food, nobody will know you don’t have money. I’d also cook in my hostel and take to him. 

Ahn ahn. Campus couple

Yes o. Six years is not beans. I’ve left him there sha. My course was four years while his is five. ASUU is just doing him anyhow.

So you don’t live in the same city

No. I only recently moved to Ibadan because I was tired of all the Lagos stress. Plus, my current job in Ibadan promised the same pay but with free accommodation and feeding. Even when I lived in Lagos, we only saw three times. He’s currently on an extended industrial attachment at a startup firm in Magboro due to ASUU strike. I was living in Igando and working at Ikotun. It was still a long distance. 

How did you guys run the relationship sturvs?

I used to work six days a week at a hair salon and have my off days on Wednesday. When I wanted to see him, I’d give my boss an excuse to move my off day to that weekend. I’d tell him I was ill or having cramps or that I needed to see my parents.

Lying to go and see man

LOL. It’s not easy jare. And this “seeing” takes serious planning ahead because we couldn’t just stay indoors looking at ourselves after so long, but we also don’t have much money, and my boyfriend is extremely meticulous with spending. No penny leaves his pocket without being accounted for, while I know how to spend. That’s why I think we’ll make a good husband and wife.

Tell me about the last time you saw him

We met in August [2022], and he paid for everything. Of course, I had my money ready, but I didn’t even touch it. I was surprised because he only really spends on necessities. But he’d been saving for the last two months and really wanted to see me, so I lied to my boss as usual. I think that one knows it’s man I want to go and see sef, but he won’t say anything.

My boyfriend also does interior decor, and earlier, he’d painted my boss’ salon and earned ₦25k from it, after transport and feeding expenses. When my boss opened a bigger salon, my boyfriend got the contract to paint it and received ₦150k. He renewed his rent on campus and invited me to spend the weekend with him in Lagos. He booked a hotel for two nights (₦10k per night) in Ogudu. The first night, we ate at The Place (₦4k). The next night, we went to dinner and spent ₦15k. 

He took danfo back to Ikorodu while I took Uber (₦2,500) to Igando. It was the most expensive date we’ve had. Usually, we go sightseeing and do things that don’t cost much but still helps us make memories. The Ogudu stay was our last date before I moved to Ibadan. 

How much does your boyfriend make in a month, on average?

About ₦70k. Added to his monthly stipend of ₦20k, he does graphic design, charges about ₦5–7k per design and can get up to five gigs in a month. He also paints rooms (₦10-15k per room) and does interior design work (upwards of ₦20k).

What kind of conversations do you have with your boyfriend about money?

It’s usually about the way I spend. I can’t lie. I like nice things. I like to reward myself. Sometimes, I feel like he should understand because I don’t pressure him to buy me these things. He should be happy I’m spending my own money but he keeps telling me to save more. Sometimes, I agree with him sha; I’m trying.

How much do you save on average, per month?

I put ₦10k in a savings app. LOL, now that I say it, I’m not proud of myself. But I’ll start saving more now that I’m in Ibadan, since I’m not spending much on transport and my employer provides free accommodation and feeding. So help me God.

Have your spending habits ever caused problems?

A lot of times o. In fact, it’s even the cause of our major fights. I can’t count how many pairs of heels I have, but when I see another colour or style that calls my name, I’ll want to buy. He’ll now be saying that I should’ve saved the money. I dont like when he does that. I know he’s trying to look out for me, but I should be allowed to spend my money anyhow I want. It’s not easy to make it. 

Anyway, sometimes, when I’ve squandered my money, it’s him I fall back on. I won’t ask him o, but he’ll know his girl is broke. So he’ll have to take out of his savings or deprive himself of some things just so he can come through for me. 

How do you guys resolve such conflicts?

I can’t bear to fight with him, so I usually apologise and promise I won’t do it again. And then, he’ll be like, ehn, he knows I’ll still do it o, but it’s not like he’s not telling me not to buy things, but I should buy things I don’t already have. That one is not even possible. Ehn, I have wig now, but what if I want another colour? I’ve tried to hold back, and I’m still trying sha. 

The funny thing is when I give him random gifts, he doesn’t complain. Imagine o. If I see something I know he’d like, I’d buy for him. And they’re usually expensive because how much am I earning? If I spend ₦20-30k on a man, I count it as expensive. He won’t complain; he’ll collect it. If I now spend like that on myself, problem. 

I think the reason he doesn’t like me spending so much is because he doesn’t have plenty money himself. He’s still in university, and it’s me who normally sends him money. But I feel like when he’s done with school and starts making more money, he won’t bother me so much.

Do you have a financial safety net?

Yes. I saved ₦120k last year in a locked savings app I can’t access until the next two years. I’m on track to reach ₦240k this year. I’m saving to open my own hair salon, and from my research, I need at least ₦500k. ₦250k should get me a room and parlour self-con in Ife for a year. I already have most of my equipment; I just need a salon chair (₦50k), washbasin (₦30k), mirror and interior decor. The money will get me started, and as time goes on, I’ll put more things in place.

I also have kolo for rainy days. Anytime I sell one hair, I save ₦5k from my profit. That one, I can break it if I ever get stranded.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

One where we’re both earning enough to comfortably sustain us. My boyfriend’s handwork promises to give him a lot of money. Mine is also promising. We don’t have to be stinky rich; I just want to be able to afford as many wigs and shoes as I want and decide not to go to work and not feel guilty.

When my boyfriend finishes school, I know he’ll build something for himself. It’s just money to start that’s the koko. If he has a day job and an interior decorating company on the side where he can even open a store to stock decor products. It looks very lucrative and I see him as a rich man in future.

READ NEXT: What’s Dating in Port Harcourt Like, on a ₦325k Combined Monthly Income?

If you’re interested in talking about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start. We’re willing to keep your identity anonymous.

In 2018, Tayyiba* married Faruk* after praying every night for God to return him to her when he ghosted for two years. Now, Tayyiba tells Zikoko how she’s enjoying married life in Kano on a ₦150k monthly income.

Occupation and location

Multimedia journalist. Lives in Kano.

Average monthly income

₦150k per month: basic salary of ₦80k, freelance writing gigs on the side pay anywhere from ₦20–200k. Her husband sends between ₦40–100k, depending on her monthly commitments or how much she earns from side gigs. 

If she runs out of money, she just takes more from his wallet as her “spirit leads.”

Monthly bills and recurring expenses

Data: ₦25k

Subscriptions: Around ₦5k; she shares some streaming apps with friends

*Household feeding: She contributes ₦40–45k. Around ₦10k per week 

Healthy snacks: ₦20k

Black tax: About ₦20k to mumsi

Child’s savings account: ₦10k 

Savings: Between ₦20–40k. Although, sometimes, black tax eats into it

*Her husband covers remaining household expenses

How did you meet your husband?

We grew up as neighbours ​​but started dating when I was about 19 — then we broke up. Our parents didn’t want us married cause of tribal differences, but somehow, we reconnected in 2016. By that time, I suppose we’d both become family rogues. In 2017, we were engaged without their blessings. In 2018, they came on board, and we got married.

How did you reconnect?

Prayer, actually. I was really heartbroken when he… just left me. I tried all I could to reconnect, but he didn’t budge. So I started to pray at night. I kept asking God to help me forget him if he was bad for me. Or give him to me if it was His will. 

In 2016, I won a trip to Nairobi, posted about it on LinkedIn and noticed he’d checked out my profile. He started liking my posts on Facebook again. Then he sent a message on WhatsApp… a causal “Good afternoon” as if we were some old acquaintances catching up. I told him to state his business or get out, please.

Guy said he wanted me, and he was ready to do anything, including eloping together.

Hollup. Tell me about the breakup

In 2014, my parents wanted to arrange for me to a family friend’s son, a young Airforce officer — we still talk to date. Shebi I would’ve been travelling all over the world, spending airforce money by now. But I said I’m not ready to marry until after school o. Plus, I told them I have husband already. They said, “Who?” I said, “Faruk*”. 

Popsi didn’t want anything to do with Faruk because he’s not from our tribe, but he later gave in. My parents said I should ask him to send his people to come and make a small commitment, a formal engagement, so everyone will know we’re just waiting till I graduate. Faruk said okay, went home and ghosted me.

Ah—

Toh, he just became scarce, leaving me with shame in front of my parents. They were now like, where’s the boy you were fighting to be with na? Hard girl like me fa?

That must have hurt. How come you kept praying for him?

No one had ever supported or understood me the way he did — and still does. I met many men after him, but none supported my dreams the way he did. For a Northern girl who isn’t particularly mely, that’s a big deal. So when he slid into my DMs for a second chance and apologised, it was easy to forgive him. But I didn’t take him seriously until he proposed not long after.

Just like that? Did he tell you why he ghosted?

Yes o. He’s a people pleaser, so he couldn’t bring himself to break up with me to my face because his parents initially didn’t like the idea of him getting married to me. We had a lot of conversations, and he convinced me that family would no longer be a problem. In all honesty, they’ve been very respectful and kind since then. He apologised and swore he was serious this time even if we had to elope.

A finished man

Yes o. We thank God. It’s been four years, and the only thing he won’t do for me is what isn’t in his power.

How much does he earn?

His salary is about ₦400k, but he has other sources that raise his income to around ₦600–700k. 

So how do y’all run the finances?

He’s a very busy person, so I tend to focus on sending him meals at work to ensure he eats. But every year, I save up around ₦100k to buy him gifts for his birthday and our anniversary. The money comes from my side hustle. I put aside any extra cash I get for his clothes because if I leave him, he can wear the same things he’s had for ten years. 

He covers the heavy stuff like rent, which is ₦400k per annum. He covers 80% of our food costs — about ₦150k monthly because food is cheap in the North — 80% of our medical costs, 50% of clothing costs for our two kids and 20% of my clothing costs. I use percentages because these costs aren’t fixed. We often buy on impulse, especially the babies’ clothes. I know he saves ₦100k every month and sends ₦50k to our kids’ accounts. I send ₦40k to this account — let it not be like their mother doesn’t care, LOL.

How much do you budget for romanzz?

We haven’t been able to vacation together, sadly. They want to use work to kill him — and also, he has aerophobia. But he buys me a lot of abayas. Each one costs ₦20-25k, and I get like 12 a year. 

We watch at least one movie together weekly and sneak suya and drinks into the cinema hall so we don’t spend more than ₦5k in total. Once every month, we go on a date and spend ₦15k max; there are really cool and affordable leisure places in Kano. Sometimes I pay for the dates, and most times, he does. When we watch films indoors, we just buy ₦5k suya, eat to our hearts’ content and freeze whatever remains.

Before the children, we used to do staycations every once in a while. We’d check into a cool hotel (₦20–25k per night) and spend the weekend eating mostly junk because those staycations were for sex. Good old childless days…

What changed?

We can’t just up and leave; I’d have to plan and get trusted people to babysit. I’d also have to pump milk (God, I hate pumping milk). And I worry every time I’m away from my babies. So I’m not sure I can staycation without guilt.

Okay. What kind of conversations do you have with your husband about money?

Our needs, savings and investments in our personal developments and in money-making ventures. We talk about feeding costs, medicine costs and doctors’ appointments. And don’t forget black tax — very important. We discuss how much we can give out.

He has investments with his siblings as well. I have two lands — one from my dad; the second was part of my bride price — so we make plans on how to develop them. I also have a farm the floods helped me wash away. I got it with my sister and had high hopes for it.

Rough. Is it rescuable?

I honestly don’t know. I’ll just let my sister worry about it for now. I’m focusing on my family. May God have mercy.

Amin. Tell me about the personal development you invest in

My husband takes some courses and exams to boost his career, and they don’t come cheap, so we have to plan around them. Being a doctor is expensive. For the last one, he had to go to Lagos. He bought return flight tickets (₦200k, no thanks to Buhari) and stayed for almost two weeks to study with his mates — hotel and feeding cost around ₦10k per day. Then the exam itself was over ₦200K, including the registration fees. Because he hates planes, he fell ill afterwards — nausea, diarrhoea and others — so we spent another ₦10k on treatments. It’s also why we can’t go on vacations, before he’ll start vomiting when we’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves.

As for me, I have my eyes set on fashion school, which’ll cost ₦150k, but this man wants to force me to finish my master’s first. I’m focusing on my research so I can be done with it soon — if ASUU will let me. 

Has the income gap between you two ever been an issue?

Initially, I was super conscious of it and picked fights because I thought he was using the fact that he had money to run away from chores. When we married, I was busy doing housegirl work they didn’t send me to do. He thought I enjoyed cleaning. I thought he was leaving the domestic chores to me. I found a way to link it to him not respecting me because I don’t earn much.

We got to know each other better as time went on though. So we got a house help and laundry man. We also discovered my ego is big, and I don’t like to beg, so he just sends me money and leaves his wallet and debit card within reach.

Ahn ahn. Intentional man

LMAO he likes taking care of me. But I want a better job with a stable income that’s high enough to be less dependent. I need more money so I can save more to develop those lands and explore other investment opportunities.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

Toh, our ideal financial future is to get out of this country. We plan to japa in the next three to four years through him. Hopefully, I get a job as a dependent first, then later, as a resident. We’re looking at Canada or Australia. I’ll then try to go into real estate wherever we land. 

I’m certain my husband will return home to take another wife after his finances are more flexible.

Wait—

He wants lots of kids for some reason. Me, if I will born again, highest one more. We agreed on polygamy before we got married; it’s in our marriage contract. I just won’t stay in the same house with another woman. We also agreed I’ll get vacations when I’m feeling “jealous”. Of course, it’s all under the condition that he’s financially able to fund them.

Oh wow 

I don’t mind polygamy; I don’t believe in owning anybody. He sort of knows he doesn’t own me either, and he’s made peace with it. I may step out; he just doesn’t want to know.

READ NEXT: Married Life in Uyo, Akwa Ibom, on a ₦2.3m Monthly Income

If you’re interested in talking about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start. We’re willing to keep your identity anonymous.

Onome* is a 21-year-old polyamorous lover who spends recklessly on her partners because her love language is gift-giving. In this interview, she tells Zikoko how money moves in and out of her relationships, while on a ₦400k monthly income and an envious financial safety net.

Editor’s note: The interview subject is a woman in a polyamorous relationship with a non-binary person.

Occupation and location

Content creator and student (but also, fine girl). Lives around Ifo, Ogun State

Average monthly income

Salary is ₦200k 

Allowance from parents: minimum of ₦200k

Only occasionally does freelance writing because, one, she doesn’t need the extra money, two, she doesn’t like stress. But once in a while, she gets bored. Her last gig paid ₦50k for a story. 

Monthly bills and recurring expenses

Data: ₦20k. That’s my only recurring expense.

You say?

Oh, and skincare too, like ₦35k a month. That’s it. 

My total recurring expenses is ₦55k monthly.

Why so few expenses?

I live with my parents, and I’m an only child. I don’t pay for shit. Instead, I ask. Usually, my dad gives me like ₦100k and says if I need more, I should just ask. I always ask for more because I’m greedy. Also, I don’t pay for transport because my parents drive me. I have a car, but I don’t use it because I don’t have a license. 

Sometimes, people dash me money as per fine girl privileges, but most times, I don’t even collect it; then they offer to buy me things or pay for stuff — like, let me pay for your flight, let me pay for your hotel. I don’t like collecting money from men. I do it, but I don’t like it.

What do you spend the money on? 

Anything I feel like, mainly clothes and shoes when I decide to go outside. Or gifts for people and donation to good causes. 

How did you meet your partner?

We met on Twitter in 2019. I was in a relationship then; they were seeing someone too. We followed each other, and one day in December, they tweeted that they felt like calling someone. I volunteered to be called. We started talking every day. My relationship ended, their relationship ended, and we got together.

Just like that?

We’d been talking for seven months when I broke up with my ex. But my current partner’s relationship was complicated, and I tried to help them uncomplicate it. I liked them, but omo, a seven-month talking stage? 

In July 2020, I told them they didn’t know what they wanted, so I would find someone who did. They went, “Okay, wait. Can you like, relax?” We talked it over and decided to start dating. I’m gay, and it’s not my fault I’m very lovable.

Energy. Okay, how were your finances then?

Trenches o. Enough to give me PTSD. Asides allowances, I was earning ₦50k as an intern, and they were earning zero while looking for a job. We managed like that until one year later, they got employed, and I got promoted. We both earn ₦200k salaries now — omo, we’ve come a long way, LMAO.

How did you guys manage?

We’re students, and it was in the middle of the pandemic. it’s not like we could do anything. My love language is gift-giving, so I bought them gifts. 

On a ₦50k salary?

The problem people have when they hear “gift-giving” is they don’t understand it’s not about the price of the gifts but the thought behind them. Sometimes, it’s knowing what your partner likes and getting them things tailored to it. 

I don’t wear wigs because I’ve never seen the need for them. If someone buys me a wig, they’re wasting their money. Sure, wigs are expensive gifts, but they mean nothing to me. Lip gloss, on the other hand, is something I can’t do without. One of my favourite lip glosses costs me ₦1k; buying me that would mean way more to me than a wig. 

I’d buy my partner socks, for example, because they love socks.

Sweet. So how did your relationship survive the pandemic?

I saw other people o. I’m polyamorous and have always known I can’t be with one person. Also, we live in different cities. I live in Ogun State while they live in Lagos. They had to get used to the idea. They could be worried shitless about my whereabouts, and I’d be smoking weed with naked women. 

Hollup—

Yep, I even got into another relationship. I’m an extrovert; I love making new friends, meeting new people and going on dates. My partner is an introvert; they never really talked to people or went out much before we met. 

How did they take it?

They took it well actually. They’ve always known I’m poly. I’d told them while we were just talking as friends. My previous relationship was open, so I wasn’t going to have a closed relationship with them. 

So you taught them polyamory or…?

No. I shared my view with them — if your heart can understand it’s possible to love all your friends, family members, etc., why not multiple partners? They fucked with it. They were sha happy as long as I was happy, and they eventually started talking to someone else as well.

How’s that going? 

LMAO, I literally tried to matchmake them with someone this afternoon. They said they don’t have the energy. 

30+ alert

LMAO, they’re 23, but that’s my old baby. In their words, “There’s love at home, please.” They think there’s too much rubbish outside. I fall in love every two to three business days, then they say, “It’s hard because they return you to me broken.” They’re a much more poetic writer than I am, SMH.

Aww. Walk me through expenses on a typical staycation 

When I visit Lagos, we either stay in a hotel, or I rent a short-let apartment for around ₦75k if I’m staying up to two weeks. If I’m on the island, hotel is ₦25k a night; mainland is ₦15-20k. We go halfsies on food, transportation, edibles and alcohol. Food alone costs about ₦15k for three meals a day.

We rarely go out, so no transportation expenses. We just sit indoors all day, watching movies and stuff after work — we both work remotely.

Last month, we matched on a dating app, and they asked me out even though we were already dating, LMAO. So we got high and went to play games at Rufus and Bees, Lekki. The games cost like ₦10k, and I won all because I’m the best in gaming. After that, we went to an art gallery and had pizza and ice cream. Transport fare cost around ₦10k too. Then we ended the night in a hotel room. It was the best time ever, and I couldn’t stop talking about it. I also didn’t keep track of all the costs because my partner paid for everything — one of the very rare times they’ve splurged.

About splurging, what’s your spending habit like?

They think I’m an impulsive spender. I have more money than them, but do you know I’m the broke one? My partner is very calculative with their money, and they only spend according to order of importance and shit like that. Me, if I see it, I like it, and I want it? It’s mine. I used to sleep with my debit card under my pillow, so if I had a bad dream, I’d wake up and buy something online. I often spend way past my budget too because I love to spend money on people I love. And I like multiple people, so I buy them all gifts.

Has this ever caused conflicts?

Nope. They know not to pocket-watch me. It’s my money.

Do you have a financial safety net?

I save 25% of my earnings, but my daddy is my financial safety net.

Can you shed more light?

Yep. My daddy is my backup plan. He even says it. I’m a director in all his businesses, and they buy land and other grand stuff in my name. Honestly, my future is set, and I can decide never to work again.

So why do you?

It’s simple. I like to work; it gives me a sense of freedom. Yesterday, my dad asked me what I wanted for christmas, and it’s still October. My dad is my plug for everything — heck, he once told me if I wanted to quit my job, he’d pay me my salary. I said no. I chose suffering.

What’s your ideal future for you and your partner(s)?

I don’t care much for being wealthy as the concept of wealth is a big meh for me. I just want to have an apartment my partners can come and visit me in once in a while. I have women to take care of, so I need money for that.

I try my best with what I have now. I send them money, buy them gifts, feed them. But I want to get to the point where if someone says, “Baby, my car is bad.” I can respond with, “Okay, take this ₦200k and manage. Don’t be upset.” I can’t wait to have my daddy’s kind of money. When I think about it, he’s a sugar daddy sha. It makes sense that I learnt work from him.

*subject’s name has been changed to protect her identity.

*This interview has been edited for structure and clarity.

If you’re interested in talking (anonymously) about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start.

After eight years in the streets, 34-year-old Michael Adebayo* finally decided to repent from his ashawo ways and settle down. He found his perfect match — where he’s a reckless spender, his wife is financially prudent. Now, he tells Zikoko how he’s enjoying married life on a ₦2.3m monthly income. 

Average monthly income

₦1.9m salary; an average of ₦400k from investment and forex trading profits

Occupation and location

Oil and gas engineer. Lives and works in Uyo, Lagos and offshore

Monthly bills and recurring expenses

Black tax: Around ₦360k

Rent: ₦400k (annually) for a two-bedroom apartment

Vacations: Around $10k (annually)

Savings: ₦960k converted to USD in mutual funds 

Electricity bill: ₦30k

Feeding: ₦80k on average, but sometimes, it can get as high as ₦200k when they need to cook in bulk and stock up

Fuel: ₦30k

Miscellaneous: ₦400k; any leftovers go into the mutual funds

*His remaining income goes into forex investment

How did you meet your wife?

We first met in school and crushed on each other. People said she was a good girl. Me? They called me ashawo boy, and our mutual friends said I should carry my ashawo somewhere else, so I locked up. Then, she went and had a boyfriend. But seven years after I graduated, we met again at what I can only say was the right time, and there was no looking back. 

Slow down a bit

Haha, okay. So in uni, I was in final year, and she was a fresher. Then after school, we lived in different cities — me in Uyo, she in Abuja — so we only kept in touch once in a while. Last year [2021], she relocated to Port Harcourt, and suddenly, we were much closer. She was single, I was single, and the distance was only a one-hour drive compared to flying from Uyo to Abuja. 

I think she always knew I liked her from way back, and she liked me too. But, omo, I was “Mikano*” in school with a “hoe” reputation — she wouldn’t touch that with a nine-foot pole. When she met me again after all those years, I’d become a more put-together “Mr Michael*”. It was just right. I was tired of the streets, so we ended up together and dated for a year. God win.

LOL. What made you sure about committing this time?

My guy, it’ll sound cliché, but I was just convinced in my spirit. Everything that happened while we dated convinced me even more. I was free around her, learning and becoming a better person. We were both willing to change things about ourselves without needing the other person to push. I improved myself knowing it’d make her happy, and her happiness made me fulfilled. Omo, we just fit, abeg. We  learnt from talking about things, resolved fights quickly and were very open about everything. 

How much does your wife earn?

She earns ₦200k, but she has a forex investment that does a healthy extra ₦200k on average, each month. This was also what got me because my attitude to money changed after I met her. I saw this woman’s savings, what she’d done with her income, and heard her plans — she who hadn’t even earned up to what I had at the time. She’s such a hardworking woman, and that’s why even though we have our plan as a family, I work every day to ensure she meets her personal targets. I told her when we got engaged that I’ll die happy just knowing she can look back at her life and see I contributed to her growth.

Aww. So how do y’all run finances these days?

Bruh, my wife is the financially prudent one, so she manages the money. When I wanted to settle down, financial responsibility was one of the key traits I looked out for in a partner. Because, if you leave me, we go enjoy all the money to the end. All my savings (around 40% of my income) goes to her, and we have a joint account she manages. She also contributes 30% of her income to our USD savings and keeps the rest of it. I tease her and call myself “big woman husband” because she get money, abeg!

How much do you budget for relationship sturvs?

I wish we could go out more often, but not many places have cool aesthetics and good food in Uyo, so we mostly make do with indoors. We have shows we watch together, like The Flatmates, The Office and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. After work each day, we eat together, watch our show as long as we can, do some more work or study, gist and sleep off. Once every two months, we book a hotel to get away and enjoy the room-service treatment. And we spend an entire weekend chilling and clubbing. Akwa Ibom is a cheap place, so we don’t spend more than ₦100k over three days.

Earlier this year, we spent three weeks in Europe — Milan and Rome in Italy, Ibiza in Spain, Paris in France and Madeira, Portugal. We spent about ₦1.9m on flights. Hotels and sightseeing took about $3,700 because I wanted to spend money. I convinced madam to calm down and let me splurge. Then again, I’d made a huge profit from an investment, so I had extra convincing power. We stayed in suites with sea views at hotels in the city centres, food and drinks were all-inclusive. Shopping took another $3k. Costs could’ve been much less, but we just had to close eye and enjoy ourselves.

$3k on shopping ke; what did you buy?

Shoes, bro. Sneakers. Perfumes. Ah, don’t forget enjoyment black tax. I had to get something for everyone at home: my parents, her parents, siblings, etc.

We intend to travel out twice a year henceforth, on a $10k budget. Flight prices have gone up, but we try to hedge against inflation by saving in dollars. We’ll spend a lot less for our trip this December sha because madam said we should start saving for japa. But even though, we’ve decided the experience counts, so we must still go somewhere.

God, abeg. I don’t wanna be a mecha —

LMAO. It’s important to mention that the key thing for both of us is the experience and bond it builds between us. Our relationship was better after our vacation. We learnt so much about each other. Sometimes, always being in the same or familiar territory doesn’t give you a chance to question your relationship. The trips gave us the chance to experience our relationship differently, and the memories we created definitely strengthened our bond.

Plus, bro, we know say once pikin come, story go change. For gifts, I’m the giver, but she’s learning quickly too. She bribes me with turkey and juicy meat — gifts of love I can’t say no to, abeg.

(Wipes tear) What kind of conversations do you have with your wife about money?

We’re very open about finances. She knows how much I earn to the tee, and vice versa. We have an Excel sheet in which we track our spending (not to the tiniest details, of course). 

We’ve discussed plans for kids and their welfare, which is also why our savings are dollar-denominated. I’m more of the risk taker while she’s more financially prudent. This dynamic makes us a team because we have the balance required to make the best choices of where to put money. We’ll know if it works over the next few years, I guess.

We also discuss black tax. How much goes home to my people, her people, people who ask for loans, etc. We’re very much open with these things. She’s the one who helped me set aside at least ₦50k every month to help people out. Once we’ve surpassed this figure, omo, it’s till next month to whoever asks — except in rare cases of emergency.

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Has the income gap ever been an issue?

Oh, yes. Initially, she believed because I earned a lot, I never listened to her financially prudent advice. Or sometimes, I would randomly talk about something in a way that rubbed her the wrong way because of [her] finances. But we resolve most of our issues with communication and financial openness. Also, we’ve both had to adjust to accommodate each other’s differences and bite our tongue on some occasions. There are times when I wanted to say, “Omo, spend this money naaaaa.” 

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

Our hopes, plans and prayers are to get to a point where we both have investments that take care of ours and our kids’ needs whether we’re working or not. So if it takes, theoretically, ₦5m to take care of our needs and enjoyment, we have investments between us that cover at least 75% of it. Of course, we’ll have to adjust our lifestyle and hope there’s no mad medical emergency. Our plan isn’t foolproof or set in stone, and as we experience more and grow together, we’ll adjust.

Lovely. In the short term though, how are you planning for that life?

We have savings from our income, mutual funds, crypto (yeah, I know e dey red, but #wagmi), forex and a couple of other investments yielding different returns. We’ll continue to explore other ways to “aspire to perspire”.

Do you have a financial safety net?

There’s one ₦10m like that — some bonus they gave me in my first year at work. I just carried the money and dumped it in a bank account somewhere.

Most people would say you’re doing well, and it’s sweet to be a big boy in Naija, so why japa?

Honestly, first and foremost, children. It’ll give them a better start. Again, the “big boy” bubble can be punctured in a day. Bruh, one crazy government policy can wipe your entire safety net, one accident on a bad road that could’ve been fixed, etc. I mean, I know a counter-argument is nowhere is immune to bad things. But some bad things can be prevented yet we actively encourage them with the kind of leadership and society we have in Nigeria.

Also, big boy earning in naira is earning less and less each year due to inflation. I have bosses with wards abroad. Convert your naira to the galloping dollar to pay fees, and no amount of salary increase can match it.

Let me add that in my younger years as a Lagos boy, I absolutely loved the chaos, but not anymore. Living in a quieter city has killed that love. And when I travel abroad, I experience a kind of sanity I want long term.

In all honesty, the indices seem easier — we’re still young, not a lot of family burden, and we have enough experience to make an impact in any organisation we join abroad — so japa is the way. It’s only a matter of time.

READ NEXT: Co-habiting in Yaba, Lagos, on a ₦500k Monthly Income

If you’re interested in talking about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start. We’re willing to keep your identity anonymous.

Adanna* is a 26-year-old ghostwriter based in Yaba, Lagos. Four years ago, she travelled to Lagos to hook up with her Facebook friend and ended up cohabiting with him. Now, she tells Zikoko how she lives with her partner on a ₦500k monthly income. 

Occupation and Location

Ghostwriter in Yaba, Lagos. Lives with her partner.

Monthly bills and recurring expenses

Rent: ₦35,000 (₦350k annually until they move next month)

Dog expenses: ₦150k every two months for two dogs

Occasional gifts: ₦50 – ₦100k on average

Dates: Approx. ₦100 – ₦120k monthly

Water: ₦6k

Food: ₦60k-ish 

House dues: ₦15k

Data subscription: ₦6k

Black tax: ₦200k-ish depending on the month. Could be more but it’s never less.

Savings: ₦15k

How long have you been in your relationship?

Three years. Four years by February, Insha Allah.

Amin. How much do you both earn monthly?

Depends really. Last month, I made ₦800k. Sometimes, it’s a lot less. But on average, roughly ₦500k. 

Right now, my partner earns about ₦600k on average.

And how did y’all start dating?

We met on Facebook. We’d been friends for a few months before he slid into my DMs with “hey” late one night. I genuinely thought he was just being a horny goat because no man texts that late with good intentions. But I was wrong. We had a good conversation.

I was in 400 level studying law then. About two years later, after graduation and a suicide attempt, I decided to do something crazy: I packed my bags to Lagos for two weeks. We met at a park in Anthony for the first time.

Just like that? No talking stage?

The connection wasn’t instant, tbh. We had mutual interests and had been interacting on the timeline. My siblings were even mutuals with him on Facebook, before we started talking in the DMs, and that’s what we bonded over. It wasn’t that strange, my siblings usually steal my cool friends after a while.

We texted almost every day for two years. We were platonic at first: he helped me through a horrible relationship, and I helped him with two bad breakups. During our virtual friendship, there was an undercurrent of sexual tension, though. Sometimes we’d veer off into suggestive topics and pull ourselves back to platonic. 

But we remained friends with the intention to fuck until the day I literally told him I was packing my things and moving to Lagos. He wasn’t sold on the idea, but then he said, “You know what? Come, we’ll see.” That’s the energy this boy gave me, SMH. Anyway, I went, and we saw.

LMAO. Tell me about the “saw”

The first day I arrived at his house, we just moved straight to the sex. After five months, on Valentine’s Day in 2019, he asked me to date him in the supermarket where I was buying him cookies. I said yes. 

Why?

In hindsight, we really did things backwards because it was a very physical relationship before the emotions crept in. From September to February, we were friends with benefits while I was living in his house. So by the time we started dating, it was clear that, one: the cohabiting arrangement worked for us, and two: it would be a serious relationship.

How much were you earning when you went to live with him?

Maybe ₦50–70k a month. 

Fear no catch you?

Nope. I didn’t care. I’m very shameless.

What was your partner’s financial situation?

He was earning a lot more than me, around ₦230–250k monthly, doing independent writing contracts and stuff. My own writing gigs were ₦1 per word, so I was more reliant on him then. He handled the big bills while I took on smaller bills like food and toiletries. Life was a bit easier because we didn’t have that many responsibilities — black tax wasn’t choking me and we didn’t have a dog. So we somehow managed to survive on less than ₦300k a month. ​​

He paid for stuff; I cooked him dinner, gave him unlimited sexual favours and stimulating conversations as a reward. He gave me time to sort my shit out and never asked me to pay for stuff. I just contributed when I could.

Okay. So how do y’all run finances these days?

Some months, I make more; some, he does. Sometimes, we both make plenty of money — but this one is super rare. So whoever has the most earnings covers the bigger expenses. I don’t think splitting expenses right down the middle makes sense because it’s just too much pressure.

Over time, I notice he tends to spend his money more on our dogs, major bills and fixing stuff around the house, while I spend mine on foodstuff and artisans or domestic staff. I’m the one who always has cash lying around while we use his debit card.

How much do you budget for relationship sturvs these days?

We both contribute to two or three restaurant outings per month and spend anywhere from ₦30–50k on each outing. Shiro does a bottomless sushi-type arrangement that costs ₦26k per person with alcohol and ₦16k without. We usually go twice a month: one with alcohol and one without alcohol. When we go to the movies occasionally, we spend ₦15–20k on tickets, snacks and popcorn plus cab fares. Once in a while, we look for a fine dining restaurant that offers deliveries, order in and chill with Netflix.

We make it a point to go out every weekend. Last week, we went to Classics, VI — they show old Western movies. It’s free entry, but we buy food and pay for transport (around ₦22k on average). We also like IndieView at Freedom Park (₦2k per ticket), where we always buy chicken and chips at ₦3,500 each. For drinks, we like to hang out at Hard Rock Cafe (₦11k for two cocktails) and Bature Breweries (₦15-20k for drinks, pulled pork pizza and onion rings). And when we feel like it, we carpool with friends to the beach where we spend about ₦6k each.

Lovely. What kind of conversations do you have with your partner about money?

Conversations around money can be tense sometimes. We both spend a lot on our families, so it can be difficult to take the other person into account. Despite the fact that we’ve been together for some time, our finances are separate in the sense that I have access to his money and vice versa, but we don’t keep our money in the same place. 

It can be a bit difficult to be accountable. Like, for example, you had ₦800k in your account last month. Why are you so broke now; what did you do with it? This situation forces me to look at money beyond something for me to spend and do as I please. 

How do you navigate money conflicts?

I’m grateful he pushes me to earn more and flags the times I’m charging too low. Ironically, he can sometimes push me to charge more and turn around to undersell himself, then I’ll now be pissed.

I had an unhealthy relationship with money growing up. I didn’t understand money early as I was raised to be terrified of it. If you give me ₦5m today, I would freak out and overthink and micromanage every single expense. But not my man. He’s more comfortable with money. He’s the one who taught me to spend — especially on things I used to consider ridiculous like ₦50k on a single restaurant outing. He’s helped me ease the burden of guilt and taught me that above everything, money is a tool.

Has money ever caused a major problem?

Oh, we’ve been in some horrible shit before. Like, we’ve been so broke we couldn’t afford food for days. I love food so much, so I was cranky AF. And he took the whole not-being-able-to-provide-for-his-woman situation to heart, telling me to find some other man to provide for me. 

I was sick of his patriarchal and one-man-pity-party-with-the-world’s-smallest-violin bullshit. I told him to fuck right off, and we didn’t talk to each other for a bit. But we settled after I got paid and took him to buy some cake and food. I told him if he ever implied I needed a man to eat again, I would leave him. He ate the humble cake, apologised for weeks with small gifts like coffee and lactose-free milk. He hasn’t tried shit like that again since then.

Whoa!

Yup. But there was also the time when he was dealing with some serious depression and wasn’t earning anything. I didn’t even know he was depressed, and in hindsight, he didn’t even want to admit he was depressed. I was basically covering all the bills, so it hurt his ego again. We fought break-up-worthy fights. I was resentful; he was embarrassed and felt emasculated. 

Anyway, we ignored each other for a while, but sorta came back when all the emotions were cooled and talked things over. I helped him find a gig worth ₦350k and assisted him with it. That began his slow process back to working full time. After about a year, we figured the finances and mental health shit out. 

Wild! Okay, so what’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

It’s a pretty clear picture, and we’re working towards it. We want to build a retreat facility in a southwestern [Nigerian] state, travel to places like India and Greece, and later, settle in a Scandinavian country where we can eventually own property, live in peace, get free education for our kids — if we ever change our minds about childbirth. We’d love to see the Northern Lights from our backyard. 

So I guess the ideal financial future would be when we can comfortably afford all that and then some. Right now, we’re consolidating our network, and collaborating on investments, and we’ve started a joint savings account. We already have ₦890k in it; our short-term goal is ₦5m and long-term goal is limitless.

God, abeg, I don’t wanna be a mechanic

LMAO. We’re moving houses soon. We’re currently living in a room in a shared four-bedroom apartment and we want to move to a two-bedroom, so that’s probably going to wipe out our savings. But we move. 

Do you have a financial safety net?

Right now? No. We only recently figured out our financial and career shit together as a unit. We finally have stable finances and we’re both getting publishing deals while he’s been accepted for a fellowship. We both work hard, so I’ll give it a year and that answer will be yes. Hopefully, nothing theatrically horrible happens before then.

READ NEXT: What’s Dating in Port Harcourt Like, on a ₦325k Combined Monthly Income?

If you’re interested in talking about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start. We’re willing to keep your identity anonymous.

For this interview, I’m speaking with Joel*, a 23-year-old ghostwriter based in Port Harcourt. He tells me how his babe commanded him to leave his exes, losing ₦2.1m in failed investments and how they’re making their relationship work, dating in Port Harcourt and Owerri, on a combined monthly income of ₦325k in 2022. 

Average Monthly Income

Varies, but it’s north of ₦200k on most months. Averages around ₦270k monthly. 

Occupation

Freelance writer. Writes books and articles. Occasionally invests and holds his breath because, have you seen the forex market? That shit is wild.

Location

Lives in Choba, Port Harcourt. Partner lives in Owerri.

Monthly bills and recurring expenses

Rent: ₦10k (₦120k annually)
Netflix: ₦3,600 

Fuel, generator repair and maintenance: ₦23k (or more, depending on the mood of mechanics and fuelling stations)

Water: ₦4k

Food: ₦50k+ (depending on how my palate sways)

House dues: ₦4k

Data subscription: ₦15k

Airtime: ₦2k

Black tax: ₦15k+

Savings: Vibes and as the spirit leads. I’ve completely trashed my budget this year. If you use budget follow this country, you can die. 

How long have you been in your relationship?

32 months. 

How much does your partner earn?

₦50k on average. But it can be anywhere from ₦30k – ₦100k. She’s also a writer; she writes SEO, blogs and articles.

How did y’all start dating?

We were friends since 2018 but kept things strictly platonic. In 2019, she invited me over and told me to get rid of the other women I was seeing because she wanted me. She’s an Igbo woman, so I obliged. 

Just like that?

Well, that’s an exaggerated version. The details are much grimmer. 

I was in an entanglement with two other girls, one by emotional blackmail and the second by sheer dumb luck. I couldn’t find a way out. So my current babe, who I was already friends with, told me to just dump them, and followed up until I did.

I —

LOL. She even threatened me to be quick, lest her other suitors show up and marry her. I did as asked and we spent the remainder of the year seeing if we’d work out. 

Whew. Why did you accept?

Well, for one, I actually liked her. She was more introverted than the two girls holding me hostage. 

Secondly, we planned to go out when next I visited her and agreed I’d bankroll the whole thing. But on the day of the outing, she suggested I kept my money; she’d make us something to eat and we’d stay indoors to watch cheesy movies instead. I had puppy eyes immediately. 

A finished man

Make she finish me before Nigeria finish me, abeg.

Also, when I arrived at her place, she didn’t expect I’d come in so early. I didn’t even call to ask for directions apart from what she sent earlier. So, I caught her in her most natural state: hair tousled, still in her pajamas and playing with her friends. She was as beautiful underdressed as she was when she dressed up. 

Then again, she’s short and thick — I’m talking fleshy thighs, toned arms, tiny, baby hands and legs. Has a round face with plump cheeks. Natural hair. Small, button nose. Too many positives to count.

Anyway, despite wooing me, telling me what to do and saying she liked me first, she still demanded that I ask her out officially. We technically started dating in November 2019 but made it official on January 1st, 2020. 

LMAO, Okay. How much were y’all earning then?

She was earning nada, but I finished the year with a savings of about ₦250k. 

How did it go from there?

She didn’t have a phone or laptop when we met, because she’d already been robbed twice in one year. So, when she went home for the holidays, I contributed to her efforts to get a new one. Her parents couldn’t be bothered to buy her three smartphones in one year.

Then COVID happened in 2020, and I encouraged her to try content writing, as she’d previously worked as a typist. Soon after, she landed her first gig, which was worth over ₦250k spread across six months. On the other hand, I scaled up and made my first million.

Take this quiz: How Will You Make Your First Million Dollars?

About that million…

Well, there was a pandemic and school shut down. I was a student then, so my biggest money drain was gone. Meantime, I landed two high-profile clients: one in the Bahamas and another in the United States; both personable and relatively chill people.

After my first job for the Bahamian, she contacted me for two more books and several articles spread across the year. Besides the agreed cost of each job, she tipped well. Imagine getting a $200 tip on a $200 job!

The American was just as big a tipper. I became part of the team writing his dream book. We spoke often — video and voice calls, and as someone who lived in Nigeria at some point, he understood the cost. So, once in a while, he’d send me $200 for data. When my dad passed away, he sent me $200 as a consolation gift, and later, a $150 Christmas gift.

I funnelled most of that money into forex and was earning up to 80% of my capital in ROIs. By October 2020, I had a little over a million in illiquid capital, ₦400k in savings and ₦150k in disposable income.

Balling student!

Meh. I dropped out last year. I’ll be enrolling again next year sha. I’m just 23, but I can’t deal with this public school system no more. And I want to switch from mechanical engineering to studying English.

Okay, tell me more about your babe’s finances 

Well, she’s been trying to scale her craft. Some of the clients she got either default or send her gigs inconsistently. During the epidemic of tech bros at the height of the pandemic, she had contracts with several of them. But since their business plan only involved looking like they knew what they were doing without getting any work done, they quickly went under. Some are still owing her to date. Her income has suffered, but she dey push am.

I’ve introduced her to friends and associates, meantime, and I send her jobs when I find them.

Okay. So how much do you budget for relationship sturvs these days?

On average, I spend up to ₦35k when taking her on dates to fancy places, ₦25k for semi-fancy and ₦15k for an ice cream date. If she’s feeling down, I can cheer her up by sending her money or buying her cake and Hollandia. She also loves jewellery, so pretty pennies have gone down those vices as well. There’s the occasional “I want to make my hair, gimme money” where I chuck in up to half of the cost. Then, [sanitary] pads — she hasn’t bought one herself since 2021.

EDITOR’S PICK: What’s Dating Like in Abuja on a ₦180k Monthly Salary?

Since you don’t live in the same city, walk me through expenses in a typical staycation 

When I visit her, I usually take along supplies to ensure I don’t become a financial burden. Sometimes, I go with raw food like garri, rice and beans — basically, Tinubu’s list. Other times, I buy cereal, milk, sanitary pads and any other thing she wants but doesn’t want to buy herself. My phone is full of lists.

I also buy fuel to run the gen and contribute to daily expenses. I usually time my stay for a week or two at most, and pay for dates except for times she insists.

When she visits me, it’s a different dynamic. I’m fully prepared to deal with 100% of all the expenses and have probably set some money apart for a few dates or takeouts. I get her stuff she likes beforehand, like candy, cereal, milk, butter, biscuits, drinks, etc. 

I also cook because she has a specific welcome food: jollof, peppered turkey and Hollandia — unless otherwise stated. So, I try to get that settled before she gets to my place. If I can’t prepare it myself, I make a quick run to a nearby restaurant. 

Occasionally, she feels bad for not chipping in like I do at hers and offers to pay for Netflix, buy a keg of fuel or refill the fridge with [bottled] water. I tell her not to worry, but she doesn’t listen.

What kind of conversations do you have with her about money?

Money is a weird topic between us. We don’t often talk about it because she’s a very emotional person, and is prone to being depressed when she doesn’t think she’s doing very well. I bear the bulk of our financials and leave room for her to contribute her little, so she doesn’t feel entirely dependent. She’s always so happy to bail me out when I come calling. What I do is, I often exaggerate the situation so she can feel good about coming through for me. Keeps her happy, keeps me happy.

Give me an instance

So, about last week [July 2022], I ran out of fuel and needed to refill about 35 litres, which would cost ₦6,300. I was reluctant to spend out of my emergency funds because my paycheque got delayed for a bit. I told her I didn’t have money to fill both jerry cans, and that I might not even turn on the gen. She sent me half the money.

Interesting…

We sha don’t assume that just because we’re helping out the other person, they’re totally helpless.

Okay. So do you have a financial safety net?

My babe has her parents, especially her mum. They work and earn pretty decent incomes.

I have about ₦450k saved in fixed deposits sha. But my safety net for illnesses is my ₦50k emergency fund. For more devastating catastrophes, I’ve got nothing. 

Hollup, what happened to those your millions?

Well, when the forex market turned in 2020, that was when cryptocurrencies first started their free-fall. Next, other things were taking a hit — bad trades and whatnot — and almost ₦2m from my life savings went with the wind.

Waaaaait —

Yep. I went from millionaire as of November 2020 to peasant on January 1st, 2021. I literally had no money to my name except what I’d previously stashed in the fixed deposit while saving for a new apartment.

How did your partner take it?

I didn’t tell her how much I’d put in, but she was still pissed AF. Also, I’d convinced her to invest too — she put in ₦150k of her own money into forex. So when things went to shit, I promised to refund her capital myself so she could take her mind off it. As time went on, we just… sorta moved on. 

RELATED: #NairaLife: The PR Consultant With a History of Investment Scams

Wild! Okay, so what’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?

One where we can afford our needs and luxurious tastes without backbreaking work. Like, as much as I love to cook, I’d prefer to have an in-house chef. Rather than tour the same 15 restaurants within my area, how about breakfast in Paris and lunch in Dubai, you know? 

I’m eager to get long-term investments to reap huge payoffs in the future. But I can’t find anything decent in Nigeria yet. Do we even have a stock exchange? I can’t even be bothered with banks because they produce the dumbest results. Someone put in ₦20k on a bank share in the early 2000s and reaped ₦16k in the 2020s. What the fuck? 

Anyway, I’m trying to build a network and become financially literate, meantime. I currently have my eyes on angel investing. In a nutshell, I want to get some good generational wealth going. It’s my biggest goal, as is hers.

*subject’s name has been changed to protect his identity.

*This interview has been edited for structure and clarity.

Liked this story? I bet you’ll like this too: What’s Dating Like in Lagos on a ₦300k Monthly Salary?

If you’re interested in talking (anonymously) about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start.

For this interview, I’m speaking with Okoye*, a 29-year-old freelance writer based in Lagos. He tells me how he recovered from a gambling addiction with the help of his lover in 2021, and also how he’s managing his now two-year-old relationship with a single mother, on a ₦300k salary. 

*subject’s name has been changed to protect his identity.

Total monthly income

It fluctuates. But ₦300k on average.

Occupation

Freelance writer — with a focus on finance (crypto, especially) and sports.

Bills and recurring expenses

I don’t pay rent because I still live with my parents. My dad, sister and mum contribute to it. Meanwhile, I’m saving up to get my family out of the trenches.

Food: ₦50k because we buy foodstuff in bulk most of the time.

Data: ₦20 – 25k.

Savings for relocating family: ₦80k in the last two months.

Black Tax: Upkeep for my parents and sisters rounds out at about ₦30k.

Miscellaneous: I pay for courses occasionally, and those take around ₦20k.

Netflix: Around ₦4k monthly.

How long have you been in a relationship?

Two years and two months.

How much does your partner earn?

She’s an online thrift vendor, so her income isn’t steady. But she makes an average of ₦80k weekly, which amounts to roughly ₦320k monthly. On some good months, she makes up to ₦400k.

How did y’all start dating? 

Around February 2020, I saw her comment on a mutual friend’s post and playfully replied that I liked her but was holding myself back from sliding into her DMs. She responded, “Dey there na.” 

So I quickly DMed her. But our initial conversations were stilted. She was mostly unavailable, and I struggled to reach her. She’d just left her ex and was learning to raise her two-year-old son on her own.

But in March, when the lockdown started, she had more time on her hands, so we started talking more often. By April 8, 2020, I chyked her, and she agreed.

How much were you earning then?

I was barely making ₦100k consistently, but we were on lockdown, so the pressure wasn’t much. We were OK with just calls; no need to travel (she doesn’t live in Lagos). We dated virtually until December 2020, when she visited Lagos for an event, and I booked a hotel (I live with my parents). 

That was the first time we met.

With such limited income, what gave you the mind to toast a single mother?

I believe I’m an interesting person, and I’m relentless about doing better for myself. So even then, I knew it was just a matter of time, I would eventually earn more money. Also, I’d dated women higher on the social ladder before, and it didn’t freak me out.

Secondly, I really liked her personality. Once I like somebody, and I feel we might vibe well after watching them for a bit, omo, na to shoot shot o. What’s the worst that could happen?

A focused king! Okay, how did it go from there?

Funny, after December 2020, it took another seven months for us to see again, but under unpalatable circumstances. I’d been battling a gambling addiction and was in debt and I’d hidden it from everyone.

Related: The #NairaLife of a Gambling Addiction

But one day, I lost a bet after borrowing money. When the creditors came to look for me, I got overwhelmed, so I left home, booked a hotel, shut my phone off and went to bed. My partner panicked when she couldn’t reach me. When I switched my phone back on the next day, I saw her barrage of messages. So I opened up to her.

I still don’t know how our relationship survived that.

Gist me

I panicked and told her I wanted to break up — I couldn’t continue with the relationship because I thought I had too much baggage. I was over ₦350k in debt from gambling — ₦150k credit from the betting house and ₦200k from loan apps. I thought no one would want to deal with my mess. But she got pissed that I was saying “nonsense”.

Tell me more

Omo. She said it was unfair that I wouldn’t even give her a chance to decide on her own. She did say we should take a break, but she wasn’t going to leave me hanging. She would keep tabs on me to make sure I was okay.

After two weeks, she asked for my account details and passwords so she could track my expenses, and then, she helped me work on a repayment plan. She also suggested I leave my environment — the betting centre was close by — and go stay with her for a while.

RELATED STORY: For 2 Years I Didn’t Win a Single Bet — A Week in the Life of a Gambler

How did you get out of that rut?

I was humbled by her faith in me, so I resolved to get myself out of the mess. I went to visit her and stayed there for a month. I wasn’t her favourite person during that period, but she was very supportive. But I bonded with her toddler so well, he didn’t want me to leave, and that helped.

The change of environment did wonders. I applied for and got ghostwriting gigs that brought in the much-needed cash. My partner had my account details, so she monitored my expenses and ensured I didn’t relapse. I didn’t want to disappoint her again, which helped me stay focused on dealing with the addiction. After that month, I went to live with my aunty. Gradually, I paid off my debts. 

It was hard to win her trust again, but by November, our situation improved.

What happened next?

We began to plan for a vacation in December (2021). She visited Lagos, and we toured the city for a few days. I visited her soon after, and we had a staycation. Those were the best two weeks of our relationship.

How much do you budget for relationship sturvs these days?

It’s as the spirit leads. For example, the last time I visited her, sales were poor that week, so I helped her stock up on groceries and provisions before I left. When she wanted a second phone to use as her business line, I gave her ₦40k — a third of the total cost. It’s the little I could do.

When I need help, she comes through as well. We buy each other gifts: ₦15 – ₦20k here, ₦40k there, depending on our finances. She gives me more physical gifts — clothes, slides, etc., while I give cash and the occasional gift.

How much do you spend on vacations?

We make calculations and split costs. We spent around ₦120k over four days on our last vacation in Lagos and split 60/40 — 60% for me, 40% for her. Our hotel room cost ₦12k per night; beach waka took like ₦25k, including cab fares. We spent the rest on bar hopping around Surulere. Food cost us around ₦25k.

Since we don’t live in the same state, we spend the most on each other when we meet. In May 2022, I carried my brokeass to her house. She practically fed me for the first two weeks of my one-month stay and sorted all the bills because I wasn’t getting writing gigs for a hot minute. 

But things picked up for me, and I took over payments for the rest of my stay.

What kind of conversations do you have with your woman about money?

We’ve decided to be lovers for the long haul, so we discuss long-term plans. We want to expand her business. I’ve suggested getting a physical location and diversifying what she sells. Her thrift business fluctuates, and I’d like her to be more stable. We’re currently making progress with that. 

One of the things we agreed on was to start ajo — ₦100k monthly savings. This month, she’ll pack ₦1.2m and launch the new business line.

RELATED: A Week in the Life of an Instagram Thrift Vendor

What about you?

I wasn’t business-minded before, but I’ve started to make small investments. My goal is to make an average of ₦800k – ₦1m by next year at least. I’m also learning about the stock market to improve my portfolio and build wealth, and taking courses in comprehensive digital marketing, covering Facebook ads, Google ads, etc. With this new knowledge, I’ll run better ads and boost sales for my woman. I plan to learn about drop shipping once I’m done. 

Do you have a financial safety net?

At the moment, no. I’ve spent so much in the last couple of years, I’m practically resetting my life. I don’t like the place I currently live with my family, so I’m hustling to get us out of here soonest.

My saving grace is, worst-case scenario, there are people who see me as credit-worthy. But I’m trying to double my hustle, so I can run family expenses and build a safety net while at it.

What’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?

I want investments in real estate and stable sources of income that would see us making a collective income of at least $4,000 monthly. I’d also like an impressive stock portfolio of low-risk investments to assure our kids of a better quality of life than I’ve had.

Liked this story? I bet you’ll like this too: What’s Dating Like in Abuja on a ₦180k Monthly Salary?

If you’re interested in talking (anonymously) about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start.

When it comes to conversations on the internet, the topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. So I decided to find out more about how people are managing their relationships across different income brackets.

Today, I’m speaking with Kingsley* 28, a lawyer and content writer based in Abuja, and had him explain how he’s holding down his one-year-old relationship on a ₦180k salary. 

Total monthly income

Around ₦180k monthly (salary is ₦100k, freelance jobs cover for the rest). I used to earn an extra ₦100k from driving for a cab service, but the car is no longer available.

Bills and recurring expenses

Rent is ₦450,000.

Utilities and subscriptions are recurring expenditures: Electricity, water, and cooking gas. I have to restock my kitchen and toiletries too. Then other miscellaneous expenses like cab fares and fast food.

Entertainment: Netflix and Amazon for movie streaming, and The Athletic for football analysis. I also read The Economist and The Atlantic. Sometimes when I feel like it, I subscribe to Medium’s premium plan too. 

Black tax: I send my grandmother some money. It’s not a consistent sum. It varies from time to time. There’s also the occasional billing from acquaintances.

Savings: I’m involved in two different contributory saving thrifts. That’s how I save for rent and unforeseen expenses.

How long have you been in a relationship?

A little over a year. Thirteen months and four days.

How much does your partner earn?

About ​​₦100k monthly. I may be wrong, sha. I try not to concern myself with my partner’s finances.

How did y’all start dating?

I met my partner on Facebook and we got talking; we were friends for about four months which gave me insight into her work, dreams and goals and life in general. From our conversations, I knew I was going to ask her out. She was rounding off NYSC but I waited until she got settled in her own place before I asked her to be my girlfriend.

Why did you wait till she settled down before asking her to be your girlfriend?

Because it was important to date someone that wasn’t dependent on me. My previous partner was a university student. And even though she didn’t feel entitled to my money, she still had university student problems that she complained about, which would prompt me to step in.

When that relationship ended, I was still in law school, so I decided that my next partner would need to be financially independent. After law school, I got employed and stayed single for about two years. I went on dates and hoed around for a bit. But I kept in mind that I would only get into a relationship that wouldn’t require me to be a breadwinner.

RELATED: QUIZ: How Much of a Hoe Are You on a Scale of 0-10?

How much do you budget for relationship sturvs?

Not much. We don’t live in the same city (she lives in Lagos), so there’s not much to do with money except the times she visits. When she’s coming over, I pay for half of her return flight ticket (economy class), but I handle the travel expenses myself when I visit her, LMAO. Other than flight expenses, birthday gifts, and occasional loans, it’s a budget-friendly relationship.

Walk me through a typical staycation when either of you visits the other

When I’m alone, I typically just have rice, noodles and other Nigerian bachelor food staples. But when she’s over, I stock my kitchen like a 35-year-old with a family by buying foodstuff I typically don’t on a regular day. I buy wine, typically sweet wine because that’s what my girlfriend prefers. Four Cousins is the most recurring so I gats just load up small. She does most of the food shopping, especially spices, seafood, etc. 

She doesn’t spend more than a week when she visits, and when we do go out to eat, we go to relatively inexpensive restaurants. 

A decent restaurant in Abuja is fairly pricey, so each restaurant outing is between ₦12–₦15k, depending on where we go and what we eat. We’re most likely to eat rice or pasta. 

We go on these dates once or twice per visit — not more than twice sha. It depends on how much money is available. Sometimes, she foots the bills. But I know I spend around ₦40k on dating whenever she’s around. I love watching movies with loved ones, so we go to the movies too.

We also spend a lot of time indoors, eating and cuddling. It’s pretty much the same routine when I visit her in Lagos.

Now that you’re in a serious relationship, what kind of conversations do you have with your woman about money?

I’m still not comfortable discussing my finances with my people in detail — even with my parents. Even though my partner is open about her money, I don’t ask her about it because I don’t want to know. She’s complained that I’m not particularly eager to talk about money. I know that when we get married, I’ll need to be fully transparent about my finances, so I’m working on myself. Right now, we still live pretty different lives in different cities, so until then.

That being said, we do help each other out when either of us is in a tight spot financially. When she needs help with a nonessential expense, she playfully asks. If I can afford it, I pay for it. I appreciate the relationship because she doesn’t put me under pressure, and I’m not ashamed that I don’t have plenty of money. She also sends me money when she can.

RELATED: Why Don’t Nigerians Talk About Their Personal Income?

Do you have a financial safety net?

Yes, I have some savings and I’m involved in two different thrift groups. I have about ₦700k in total savings, which will be cut in half when I take my rent out of it, so not really a safety net, but then we go again. I’m positive of a major boost in income in the coming months, sha, as I’ve started considering more lucrative job offers from a couple of organisations.

What’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?

I’m not the kind of person who dreams of becoming wealthy or taking over the world. I just want to be able to raise a family and give my children a comfortable life. If I hit upper-middle class, I’m fine.

As part of its continued efforts to equip Nigerian youths with core digital skills, Stanbic IBTC has launched the second edition of the Digital Skills Empowerment Programme (DiSEP).

DiSEP  is designed to enable young tech talents acquire top-notch digital skills which allows them compete in the ever-evolving tech world as the use of technology and technological tools in different sectors of the economy cannot be overemphasised. 

This is because technological innovation plays a key role in how different sectors can leverage technology to make a positive impact on society.

Suffice to say that the world is at a transformational stage where corporations and countries are focused on equipping themselves with advanced technologies and new business models in order to stay relevant and competitive.

The world has gone digital, from the news to politics, to finance, to health, to mobile phones, to the internet; everything has some form of a digital footprint. As a forward-thinking organisation, Stanbic IBTC understands that improving the knowledge base of  Nigerian youths and coaching individuals in digital skills will drive the growth of the various sectors in the nation.

To bridge the gap and provide Nigerians, especially youths the opportunity to acquire digital skills, which will have a positive impact on the economy, Stanbic IBTC introduced the Digital Skills Empowerment Programme (DiSEP).

Today, people have access to abundant data and information on every subject on this planet. The advent of the internet and computer technologies over the past century has led to the digitisation of all sectors and all affairs of human life, including the economy.

The economy of any country is pivotal to its inherent progress, and Nigeria is no exception. In recent times, having a digital skill has become a prerequisite to growing one’s career, enhancing development, as well as improving the national economy.

DiSEP and several other programmes and projects focused on youth development is indeed a testament that Stanbic IBTC is genuinely interested in improving the lives of Nigerian youths and the economy in general.

DiSEP is an intensive program designed to train Nigerian youths in  the most sought after professional certifications in emerging technology e.g. cloud computing, Mobile android Development, Data, Cybersecurity etc to build their competence and broaden their digital scope which will give them an edge in the skilled labour market.

Asides from making the youths employable, DiSEP encourages young people who are resourceful and passionate to develop the required skills to fast track their career growth.

The programme; a training that runs virtually for three months and affords successful candidates the opportunity to prepare for and complete professional certifications. Eligible candidates must be tech-savvy, must have graduated with a minimum of second-class lower division, and must have concluded the compulsory NYSC with a discharge certificate. 

Candidates that meet the above-listed criteria and are interested in participating in this free developmental and certification programme must ensure availability to attend 80 to 150 hours of virtual training and should register by visiting https://www.stanbicibtc.com/nigeriaholdings/our-sponsorships/digital-skill-empowerment-programme for more information.

Stanbic IBTC remains committed to equipping Nigerian youths with the requisite skills and knowledge for personal development and national growth.

Why is personal income such a taboo topic to Nigerians? Is it due to classism or feelings of inadequacy? Or have we been conditioned to think talking about money is boastful or tacky?

We asked seven Nigerians why they don’t talk about money, and here’s what they said:

Precious, 27

Shame, dear. How do you tell your friends and classmates who expect big things from you that you’re earning ₦30k a month? Thankfully sha, Jesus died and took my shame away. Now, I can freely talk about it while searching for a better job.

Victor*, 28

People suddenly turn to personal accountants, calculating your salary and how much you should be able to give them. One time I was talking with a classmate about needing to get to sabo that evening and change money. He asked, “You get paid in dollars?” I said yes. He asked, “How much?” and without thinking, I mentioned it. After five minutes of whyning me, we switched topics, and I thought that was the end of it. 

He later called to ask if I could help him with ₦30k. I explained why I couldn’t give him. I had been robbed and was trying to replace my gadgets and pay outstanding bills. Then the dude went, “If you give me 30k, you will have so and so left. You can buy a laptop for this amount, use this to do this and that and still have so and so left. I just hung up.

Oluchi*, 24

Once people realise how much they earn, it affects how we relate. On the one hand, I feel entitled to their wealth if I know they earn a lot. I have tech bro friends who I occasionally try to bill because they make a lot of money — sometimes I have to check myself from going overboard. On the other hand, for people who don’t earn much, I find myself excusing them from responsibility or overcompensating by being overly pitiful. In my experience, no decent person likes to be pitied as it makes them feel small. 

Arit*, 35

Many people believe in jazz. I don’t know that I do, but I’m nervous about discussing my salary because you never know who is who. Just to be on the same side, I don’t talk about my salary. Village people are active o and me I don’t want to jinx anything. It’s also a similar reason why people don’t talk about their japa plans until they have settled in the abroad.

Muyiwa*, 20

I’m a software engineer employed at an abroad company, and I’m yet to graduate from university. Initially, I didn’t have problems disclosing my salary. However, I noticed that relatives thought it was too much money for a “small boy”. According to them — especially the boomers — I had no responsibilities. Someone even wanted my mother to be keeping money for me as if I’m ten years old. At some point, I stopped spending my own money because I didn’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. Funny enough, I don’t think it’s a lot, and I hope to 3X my salary this year.

Femi, 23

While I’m not particularly secretive about my earnings, I don’t go into the details. Instead of disclosing figures, I keep my income vague because people do usually ment. I’d hate to wake up to texts from people precisely breaking down my earnings and trying to show me how my giving them a part of it won’t bother my life. 

Farida*, 32

I don’t want people to rate my lifestyle based on how they think I spend. Somebody can start judging you for things you buy or don’t buy because they think you’re living above your means. Also, sometimes it’s to keep families from inviting unnecessary wahala. So I’d rather remain silent.

But many people get underpaid because they don’t discuss how much they earn. It’s crazy.