Ademola*

My barber wasn’t around, so I tried this new guy who just opened a spot on our street. Everything seemed brand new, making me less insistent on watching him sterilise the clipper. Two days after the cut, I started having a terrible itch on my head. Initially, I ignored it. I thought it was just a regular itch that would go away. Then, the rash started spreading and became painful to touch. Eventually, I had to go to the hospital when over-the-counter medication didn’t work. I felt embarrassed when the doctor asked if I had a personal clipper, and I said no. I bought one on my way home from the hospital.

Dayo*

I got my clipper during COVID. I went to my barber’s to cut my hair, and he got into a heated argument about how the coronavirus was propaganda and just a way for the government to embezzle money. Something about the way he argued made me doubt if he took any health and safety precautions in his salon. The next time I went to the shop, I had my clipper.

Ibrahim*

My barber’s sterilising kit fell off the table, and I helped him pick it up. In the process, the content spilt, and I found out this guy only had water and soap in the container. I was so livid and went into a long argument about how he was endangering customers’ lives. This guy didn’t seem remorseful at all. He said something along the lines of, “If you dey fear, buy your own clipper.” It was a sub, but it was also the call I needed to buy a personal clipper.

Jerry*

I once had a deep cut while my barber was shaping my hair, and blood was all over. The barber sterilised the clipper with mentholated spirit, but it didn’t seem like it was enough. Something about getting injured by an object that had been used by so many other people was deeply unsettling. In that moment, I kept wondering how many other customers had had similar accidents and if the wishy-washy sterilising process was all the barber did. I eventually gave him money to help me buy a brand-new personal clipper.

Johnson*

I watched this HIV sensitisation programme on TV, and there was this guy who recounted how he’d gotten infected with the disease from a haircut. I realised how stupid and careless I’d been not to have a personal clipper. I didn’t have money to buy one then, so I went without a haircut until I saved up enough to buy a clipper.

Adekunle*

I went to cut my hair, and the guy before me had a terrible rash on his head. It was such a disturbing sight, and I almost walked out of the salon to come back another time. After the cut, my barber sterilised the clipper, but I wasn’t satisfied with how he did it. I told him to also use a lighter to burn the clipper blade for proper sterilisation, but he said there was no need because the spirit had done the job. After my cut that day, I knew I had to get a personal clipper.

Read this next: 7 Nigerian Men Share How Self Pleasure Improves Their Relationships

For men’s health awareness month, I spoke with five men who share what it’s like to keep their sexual lives active despite their challenges with erectile dysfunction.

Johnson*, 45

I was diagnosed with stage two hypertension after I turned 40 and have been on blood pressure medication ever since. A major side effect is erectile dysfunction. I initially stopped taking the drugs after I noticed because I couldn’t stand not enjoying sex with my wife. However, she was more concerned about my health and insisted we return to the doctor to ask if other medications could be considered. My medication has been changed a couple of times, but it’s been the same. Now that my erection isn’t like it used to be, we’ve incorporated a lot more foreplay into lovemaking. It wasn’t like we didn’t do foreplay before, but now that’s what we focus on more. On some days when the erection surprises us both, we have penetrative sex. I’ve suggested buying sex toys, but my wife wouldn’t hear of it. She’s fine with the foreplay, and I can’t complain.

Ademola*, 50

I’ve been managing erectile dysfunction for more than 15 years now. It got in the way of my sexual life in the early years because my wife and I didn’t know much outside of regular “missionary sex”. However, things changed after we attended a couples’ retreat. The retreat had a session for sex education for couples, and we were keen to attend because we both knew of my condition. It was at that retreat that we learnt more about how to spice up our sexual life outside of penetrative sex, including the use of adult toys. The strap-on toy has really helped; I don’t have to worry about a weak erection or going limp during sex.

Hassan*, 43

The sex hasn’t been the same with my wife since we were both diagnosed with cardiovascular diseases. Before I was placed on medications, I’d noticed my erection wasn’t like it used to be. Even though my wife didn’t think it was much of an issue, I was bothered. She was more concerned about our general health, and I kept reminding her that sex is also an important part of our health. I spoke with some of my friends, and I learned that some of them faced similar challenges. I guess it’s one of the downsides of ageing. Now, I use prescribed medication to control ED, but I also do lots of exercises to keep my testosterone levels up. My doctor also advised taking lots of watermelon before sex, and it helps.

Ibrahim*, 30

I was diagnosed with bilateral hydrocele—a swelling of both scrotums—when I was 10 and had to undergo surgery. The swelling returned when I was in senior secondary school, and it affected my erection. I could barely get my penis up, and I was always in so much pain. I had another set of surgeries when I was in 100 level. After the surgery, I noticed my erection was always in the semi-solid range. I complained to the doctors and was placed on some medications, but they don’t seem to help that much. When the medications do work, and the erection is strong enough, I feel pain in my scrotum.

The whole experience made me avoid relationships for the longest time because I lived with the constant worry that I couldn’t sexually satisfy my partner. I’ve had breakups caused by my inability to satisfy sexual desires; they wanted more than foreplay and all the other sexual gimmicks. After that, I resolved to seek out someone who wasn’t so keen on sex. When my current partner mentioned she was asexual, I was more than relieved. Our sex life is perfect because we both have tailored expectations.

Ibrahim*, 32

One of the hardest parts of getting diagnosed with HBP was learning that the drugs could affect my erection. The doctor wasn’t really nice about it either. When I told him my dick wasn’t as hard as it used to be, he said, “You have to pick one between your health and your erection.” I didn’t even know what to say. The treatment was supposed to be temporary, but after some checkups, my BP wasn’t down, and the doctor said I should keep to the medication. I still take the drugs, but I always stop when I’m planning to have penetrative sex. So, if I want to have sex on Friday, I stop taking the drugs on Tuesday or Wednesday. I know this isn’t ideal, but that’s how I’ve been managing it.

Read this next: 4 Nigerian Men Talk About Their Experiences With Sexual Enhancers

After that conversation, I knew I had to cover men’s hygiene for men’s health awareness month. The boys are out here neglecting the hygiene of their reproductive organs. If you’ve got a penis and balls, here’s a guide on how to keep them in tip-top shape.

Wash up

Don’t just splash water on your phallus and jump out of the bathroom. Dedicate some time to gently washing the nooks and crannies. Get all that build-up of sweat and urine out of the way with water and mild soap.

Pat it dry after every bath

Ever pulled off your boxers after a long day and shuddered at the smell that hit your nostrils? It’s probably because you didn’t clean up properly after bathing. It’s super important you pat everywhere dry. Personally, I spread out in front of a standing fan for a few minutes before putting on underwear.

Rinse off after every pee

This is a common practice among Muslim men, but everyone should do it. After every pee, shake your junk to get all the excess urine out and rinse off with water. This is the easiest way to avoid smelling off and having urine stains on your underwear.

Shave

Listen, I’ve never known a time when it was cool to leave a clump of pubic hair hovering over your dick. Grab a tube of hair removal cream and scrape that stuff off. A low trim is preferable since hair also prevents against STIs. If you can, reach for the hair around the anus too. I hear some barbers offer this as a service.

Don’t repeat boxers

Many men are guilty of repeating underwear. That’s bad business for your odogwu and sons, bro. The ideal thing to do is wash your boxers after every use and wear a fresh pair daily.

Stick to cotton boxers

Yes, you prefer spandex boxers and hot pants because they help you hide random erections in public. But do you know they may be doing more harm than good because they trap air? Cotton underwear does a better job at keeping the air circulating down there. Basically, they let the balls breathe.

Avoid hot water

I know you’re tempted to bathe with piping hot water when it’s cold, but that’s bad business for your penis and balls. Hot water can cause irritation. Also, since the testicles need to be cooler than body temperature to function properly, hot water can overheat them and affect sperm production.

Clean the foreskin

Not all men have a foreskin, but if you’ve got one, you’ll need to raise it up and clean it properly whenever you bathe. Smegma—a thick, cheesy-looking secretion—builds up under the foreskin when left unwashed. The smell is unpleasant, and if it’s left unattended, it can also cause redness, itching, and swelling.

Powder it up

Things get real messy down there during the hot season. Air gets trapped in your cotton underwear, and all that sweat makes it annoyingly sticky. One way out? Apply a generous dab of powder in the corners of your private parts. It keeps the moisture in check and helps you feel dry.

Always look in the mirror

Yup, you should always have routine checks where you grab a mirror and see what’s going on down there. Look out for bumps on your ball sack and groin area. If anything looks off, go to the hospital ASAP.

Read this next: 7 Nigerian Men Confess Their Biggest Big Dick Struggles

For men’s health awareness month, I spoke with seven married men who get candid about how it has impacted their sexual health and relationships.

Hakeem*, 39

I didn’t like masturbating before I got married. It never felt like the real thing and cleaning up after grossed me out. After my wife welcomed our first child, we couldn’t have sex for sometime because she had complications during childbirth. So, she suggested handjobs. Something about the suggestion coming from her made me willing to try it out. Initially, she helped, and then, it graduated to me doing it myself. Only thing is, I like when we are together when I go about it. It has helped our sexual relationship a lot. She doesn’t feel the pressure to give in all the time. 

Chibuzor*, 41

As a devout Christian, it’s not something I’m comfortable with. I do it, but only when necessary and there’s no other option. For instance, when we were trying for our first child, I ran a series of tests that needed my semen. I had to pleasure myself to do this, and it was uncomfortable. I also tried it when she was away receiving care at her mum’s place after childbirth, but I’ve realised I just don’t like it. Something about it feels sinful, and I’d rather have my desires in check.

John*, 32

I’ve been an advocate of self-pleasure for men for the longest time. There’s something about self exploration that makes it easier to communicate your desires with your partner. If you’ve explored yourself enough, you can guide your partner towards the things that’ll give you maximum pleasure. Sex is beyond foreplay and penetration, and more men need to understand this for a healthy sex life. Some men have frequent sex and are still sexually frustrated. It’s because they’ve not discovered what truly excites them.

Jinad*, 35

Since I turned 35, I’ve realised masturbation helps me sleep better. Sometimes, I’m too tired for all the foreplay and pre-stimulation that goes into sex after a long day at work. Relieving myself is easier. My wife didn’t like this at first, but she stopped bothering when she realised it took pressure off her. Now, she even suggests “beating it” when I’m having trouble falling asleep.

Jason*, 38

I read somewhere that expelling semen as frequently as you can may reduce the risk of prostate cancer. I’m not sure if it’s true or not but I’m getting closer to my 40s and I’ve been committed to taking my health seriously. This is one aspect of it.

Ben*, 29

I don’t understand when people say masturbation affects sexual performance. I can’t remember ever taking any sexual stimulant before sex. I only need to pleasure myself a few hours before sex, and it helps me go longer during sex with my wife. Personally, I think more men should do this, especially men who have performance issues. A lot of the aphrodisiacs and sexual enhancement drugs aren’t healthy. This is a natural way to boost your performance.

Adekunle*, 35

I think it’s important to address the shame around self-pleasure. Our society presents it as something sinful or telling on a man’s ability to perform his manly duties. I don’t think it’s any of these. A lot of sexual frustrations in marriages can be solved if men embrace self-pleasure. As long as it’s done in moderation, I don’t think self-pleasure is bad. 

Read this next: “I Lost My Rock-Hard Erection” — Navigating Sex as a Man Living With Hypertension

I spent the next few days looking for subjects to share their experiences with forced celibacy. It was during my journo quest that I found Feranmi*. 

As Told To Adeyinka

I relocated to Finland in mid-2023. It was a bittersweet move because, on the one hand, I was excited to finally escape Nigeria, but on the other hand, I was leaving everything I’d known in all my 27 years. This was scary for me. I remember my mum saying, “Will you kuku stay back?” Everyone who knows me knows I struggle to make friends or form new relationships, so a recurring question in my head was, “How will I survive?”

To make matters worse, my girlfriend said we should call it quits because she couldn’t do long distance. I tried to get her to visit for one last memorable time together before I travelled, but she didn’t come.

When I arrived in Finland, it was just like I feared. I stayed with my cousin, and in the first few weeks, he was on leave. He resumed work the second week, and that was when the loneliness kicked in. At first, I felt I could handle it because I could go days all alone at home in Nigeria. I was so wrong. There’s something different about the loneliness here. It’s that feeling of knowing you won’t get random visitors, spot someone you know or just have the assurance of familiar strangers in your street.

I soon started to get mad horny, which was strange because I wasn’t even thinking of sex. I mean, I’d broken up, was in a new country… I’d accepted it would take a while to get laid. But I kept getting awkward erections. Since I couldn’t put the feelings off, the easiest thing to do was wank. And the thing is, I wasn’t much of a wanker in Nigeria. I had my girlfriend, and our sex life was good.

Here? I’ve beaten my meat to submission, and it doesn’t excite me anymore.

I haven’t even tried to put myself out there because where will I start? I don’t have a job yet, so I hardly meet anyone besides neighbours, shop attendants and passersby. Most of the folks around here speak Finnish and have a strong “Minding my business” aura.

The other day, I sent a DM to a Finnish lady on IG who I followed before I left Nigeria. She responded in Finnish. I had to translate on Google to respond, which made our chat stressful. We still text, but we’ve never made it past pleasantries and “Miten loydat suomen? (“How do you find Finland?”)

My cousin also doesn’t help matters. He’s about ten years older, and we have a good relationship but not one where we freely talk about girls or relationships. He’s married and still trying to bring his wife and child over from Nigeria, so I can’t be talking about my need for sex with him.

I’ve accepted my fate. But I recently joined this Nigerian Twitter community for people in Finland, and I’m hopeful. Although I’ve heard it’s not easy to date a Naija babe here if you’re still hustling, I know they must also have intimate needs. It just takes finding the right person and letting them know you’re in it for real.

These days, I don’t bother to wank because it’s gotten boring. But I never thought about it as going “Stainless” until I saw the Twitter convo. I guess that’s what it is. The last time I wanked was in January.

Read next: 8 Alternatives to Wanking That’ll Give You Your Orgasm As a Man

Boys, grab a notepad. Class is in session.

Tickling

It’s like beating your meat, except you don’t have to touch it. For this to work, get some privacy and focus. Kumbaya/inner-peace seeking style focus. Next, gently trace your fingertips along your inner thigh, ball sack and nipple. Keep at it for about 10-15 minutes, and you’ll buss.

Rubbing

Also known as pillow-fucking, this is a completely hands-free method of getting your orgasm. How does it work? Will your Rod of Correction to attention and grind sensually against the bed. Grabbing your butt might help you get a sense of joint action and arrive at your desired destination.

Sleep

There’s only one way to make this work: Watch an obscene amount of pornography before you go to bed, and you’ll have given your spirit partner enough prompt to give you some action.

Anal massage

If you’re adventurous enough for some backdoor action, get some lubricant up your anus, slowly stick your index finger in, and try to reach your P-spot AKA prostate gland. Every man has one. You should definitely consider a P-spot toy if you’re serious about this.

Nipple play

As a guy, you’re probably missing out on premium enjoyment if you ignore your nipples. The nipples are super sensitive, which means the right kind of touching and stroking can get you bussing in no time.

Perineum play

The perineum is the area between your odogwu and anus. It’s full of nerve endings and very sensitive. To make this work, give this area some good touching or stroking. Make sure you’re well relaxed, as this will help you find your rhythm and spill that akamu.

Sex toys

Vibrators are mostly marketed to women, but if you’re open to exploring sex toys as a man, there’s good action to be enjoyed. Grab a male vibrator, wear it around your phallus and let it do its job. Word on the street is that those vibrations feel really good.

Edging 

Whether you’re beating your meat or using any of the methods on this list, edging will help you intensify the experience. Simply bring yourself close to climax and stop just before you spill your seed. Repeat the process for as long as you can. The idea is to prolong the experience and intensify the eventual orgasm.

READ NEXT: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Discovering Masturbation

There are more conversations happening about how men need communities and safe spaces to thrive. And for many men, the people they know and have formed close bonds with serve this purpose. They become their tribe.

In this story, six Nigerian men talk about their tribe and how they make living a bit less lonely.

Nauteeq, 30

In June 2020, I was going through my Google Drive, and I noticed the same faces had appeared in my photos since 2014. So I thought if these people can be in my pictures every year, they must be my tribe. I was right, and I’ve been good since. 

It’s tricky to quantify how much work went into building this community of people I feel safe with. But I know it wasn’t solo work, and everyone constantly put in some effort. The most challenging part for me was the amount of voluntary disclosures I had to give and receive, and that’s still ongoing. The WhatsApp chats and the Facetime calls never end, and I also walkie-talkie my friends to keep in touch.

My community is my biggest priority, and I treat them that way. I know I will always find all the love and safety I need in them. They are always there and will answer me when the need arises. As a result, there’s never been a time I was scared that I’d wake up and not see my people again. 

About a year ago, I was forced offline because of a nasty power cut in my area. By the second day of the blackout, these people, at different times, stormed my house to confirm I was good. One of them burst into tears when they saw that I was alive and well.

That same evening, they dragged me out of the house, and my friend decided to dance at an event so she could win a power bank and hand it over to me: she didn’t want me to ever go off the grid again.  

They’ll always have my back. Life has been fair to me because of these people. Money can’t buy that. 

Dami, 28

I have two tribes, and they exist for different purposes. One is a group of three people I’ve been friends with since uni. They’re my closest friends, and it’s easy because we grew up together in a way. 

The second is a group of 12 boys, and they’re there for more serious matters — the personal and intimate matters I can’t discuss without being judged. It’s interesting how this worked out because I met them recently. But I warmed up to them the more I spent time with them and saw how free everyone was with one another. 

It’s great I have these two groups in my corner; having them around helps me figure stuff out. In 2018, the 3-man group helped me navigate my most serious heartbreak. They’d met my ex several times and knew how I felt about her so they could get what I was going through. They checked in multiple times, and one reached out to her to fix things. The same group came in handy for the one after that. 

They’re also a solid sounding board and are the first people I tell things to when they happen. There’s no other way to say it — they are my safe space. 

Ayo, 29

I’m a people person, so I have different categories of folks I consider my guys. I grew up with some and met others from school, at work, or through other friends. But in all these groups, a close bond has been formed. 

I’m not going to lie; it took some work to get there, from the serious stuff like showing up for them when they needed me to everyday things like celebrating their wins. But it was all worth it because now I know they’ll always have my back. It makes living more pleasant. 

I’ve been homeless twice, and I wasn’t bothered. I knew I wouldn’t sleep under a bridge; I just needed to reach out to some of my people and let them know I was in a fix. On both occasions, two of my guys took me in. The first was for free, and the second let me pay the rent at my convenience. It doesn’t get better than that. 

Oluwatosin, 26

For years, I didn’t think I needed a tribe. Most people form these strong friendships or communities in uni, but I was a lone ranger the entire time I spent in school. It’s not like I didn’t have friends, but I didn’t see the need to create or nurture a community that would be my safe space. 

This thinking only changed about three years ago. I’m not sure how, but I’m glad it did, and I should have given it a chance much earlier.

The first step in finding these folks was to identify what we had in common, which formed the basis of our bond. Now that I have them, they come through for me emotionally and sometimes financially. A while back, I felt the weight of family and work pressure crushing me, but these people got me through it. Also, I know who I can turn to for the urgent 2k to the significant loans. We prioritise refunds. This keeps the relationship healthy.

My tribe fills a lot of void. And I’ve learned that I can always be vulnerable with them, and they’ll make me feel safe. There’s no high-pressure situation they can’t get me out of. It’s reassuring.

David, 24

My siblings are my safe space, and they’ve always been. In secondary school, I’d hear people talk about the not-very-nice experiences they had with members of my family, and I was always like, “Wait, what? My family is so chill.”

It results from how much work my parents put in for us to become this close-knit group. The primary thing I feel with them is love, which is excellent for my quality of life because I don’t have many friends besides my girlfriend. Two of my close friends also recently left the country, so my siblings have become an even more integral part of my community. We talk every day, I’m close with their kids, and I even live with one of them. They make me feel incredibly lucky. 

Mobolaji, 25

I found my people in university. We were in the same space almost every day, and we built our community from the ground up. It was also primarily organic and started with little check-ins. But these droplets snowballed into something concrete post-uni. It still is. 

They give me a sense of belonging and offer fresh, valuable perspectives on things I need to figure out or decisions I need to make. I’m self-sufficient, but it helps to know I have folks who will come through for me whenever I need them. It might seem minute, but this realisation alone improves the quality of my life. 

Your babe isn’t ready

Finding someone to marry you isn’t the problem. It’s just that they might already be in a relationship with someone else — like the person asking you the Jamb question. 

You’re working on it

Telling people you’re working on it is a smart way to make them drop the topic. Because why is marriage a race? You’re not in a rush; nobody should rush you.

You’re waiting for God’s time

Say you’re still praying, and when God says yes, you’ll walk down the aisle. People love it when you involve God in everything.

There’s nothing in the streets

This is your honest truth. You’re the one who’s been in the streets for a long minute, so you know what’s out there. But no cause for alarm; news will disburse once you find your soulmate. 

You’re busy finding 30 billion

Let your questionnaires know that marriage is sweet, but when there’s money, it’s sweeter. You need to have $30 billion in the bank first.

Tell them to find you a partner

If they’re so concerned about your marriage life, they should stop talking and find a babe for you.

It’s not your thing

People don’t even care to know if you want to be married or not. What if staying unmarried is your life goal? People should start considering that too. Do they need to be told first?

Laser*, 38, Lagos

Does sexual experience matter to you?

I’m very open to teaching my partner from scratch. I’m patient and always excited to teach.

What’s your ideal sexual experience?

One where we have a conversation before we meet up. We’re clear about expectations and what we’re open to. Then when we meet, we build up to it, letting the tension rise. Lots of foreplay and leading each other around our bodies, the erogenous zones, exploring kinky things we’re both into. Aftercare when we’re done, proper cuddling and conversations.

How important is sexual compatibility to you?

Extremely important. No matter how much I love a person, if sexual compatibility is absent, it’s a waste of time.

Is it a dealbreaker? 

No. But she must have an adventurous mindset. It’s only if she’s rigid and not open to exploring that I’ll have an issue. That’s when it would be a dealbreaker.

What’s your most memorable sexual experience? 

My first penetrative sex felt like an audition because she was the one with all the experience. She tried to relax me — I was open about my inexperience — but that didn’t stop me from feeling pressured. I did it with the mindset of someone who had something to prove, someone who needed to put on a world class performance. 

I actually lasted, but omo, I was thrusting like my life was on the line. I don’t want to imagine what I looked like with all that concentration and determination. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, so we parted ways soon after.

Nicholas, 27, Ibadan

Do you consider sexual experience when seeking out a relationship?

It’s something I think about, however briefly.

Ideal sexual experience?

Having some knowledge is a big plus. If she knows her body well enough that it’s not the blind leading the blind, that’s a good lower threshold. I have my basic practices, but everybody is different, so I expect to learn on the job as well.

Is lack of experience a dealbreaker?

Is this a thinly veiled body count question? I don’t consider lack of experience a dealbreaker. Too much might be, depending on how she acquired the XP (experience).

What’s too much?

After a certain age, being “too experienced” is expected. But if you move like Zidane in ’06, but you’re Messi in ’06, question marks on what necessitated such hypersexuality in your life. Aspects of your history will require a conversation.

On a scale of 1 – 10, how important is sexual compatibility to you? 

Sex is important, and it’s enjoyable for both parties. Therefore, anything that contributes to it is vital… so I’d say 8.

What’s your most memorable sexual experience?

This one time, I was working from home because my girl and I had fought. I was trying to make amends, but the work day was nearly over, and she still wasn’t happy with me. Then in the middle of a meeting, she became frisky. Having to pause mid-stroke to unmute and give an update was funny.

Sambo*, 31, Lagos

Do you consider sexual experience when seeking out a relationship?

Not really. There are other factors to consider, like shared beliefs, values and interests or money habits.

Lack of sexual experience isn’t a deal breaker?

I don’t really have any. I always consider moderation. Someone who’s experienced might have issues getting along with someone who isn’t because they’ve been exposed to a level of kink they may desire at any time. To avoid stories that touch, let inexperienced people stick with fellow inexperienced people, abeg. 

On a scale of 1 – 10, how important is sexual compatibility to you? 

8.

What’s your most memorable sexual experience?

I met this person for the first time, we hung out, and the connection was there. That same day, we found ourselves at my place. We had sex, and it was so good. I didn’t expect that on a first date, but I’ll take it.

Ola, 25, Oyo

Does sexual experience matter to you?

Yes. Bring your A game, abeg.

Your ideal sexual experience?

Sex with someone who hasn’t been everywhere. Too much experience can be a dealbreaker for me because what do I want to show you again? 

Sexual compatibility for you, on a scale of 1 – 10? 

9.

That one memorable sexual experience?

My partner was so good, it felt like she wanted to take my life. The foreplay and sex were intense because we both knew what to do, perhaps, too much.

Deji, 30, Abuja

Does sexual experience matter to you?

It’s a plus, but not a prerequisite. I don’t think anything is too much or less. If it’s on the low end, there’s the opportunity to teach her what I like. If it’s on the other end of the spectrum, there’s the opportunity for me to learn new things.

Your ideal partner?

One who’s willing to try new things and explore my body to discover what I like. She doesn’t have to be a pro.

Sexual compatibility for you, on a scale of 1 – 10?

Omo, I’ll give it an 8. However, sex isn’t everything, and I think compatibility can be worked on.

A memorable sexual experience?

I’ve had my fair share, but one that sticks is when the other person made mouth about their game then fell short. I had to shuffle between faking pleasure or hurting their feelings. I don’t know the film the babe watched, but she was biting me “there” and all over my body. She kept making animal sounds while she was doing it. I took the pain in good faith till we were done. 

Sexual experience isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it’s nice to have someone who knows their shit. It’s also something that can be learnt, if you guys are on the same page. 

Abisola, 33, Lagos

Do you consider sexual experience when seeking out a relationship?

When I was younger, it used to be at the top of my list. But now, I know you can teach your partner how to please you and vice versa. 

Can you describe the ideal sexual experience?

I want to be sated at the end of every rump. And I hope to satisfy my partner too. That’s it for me.

Do you consider lack of or too much sexual experience a dealbreaker in your relationship? 

Well, not really. Whether she has too much sex or too little, there’s usually a reason for it. You don’t usually find partners with equal levels of sexual experience. The partner with more experience can teach the other who has less knowledge.

One can tell if their proposed partner has been in the streets for a long time. And frankly, that’s their business. As far as we both agree to be committed to each other, I’m good.

On a scale of 1 – 10, how important is sexual compatibility for you? 

6.

Juwon, 36, Sagamu

Do you consider sexual experience when seeking out a relationship?

I don’t.

Do you consider the lack of or too much sexual experience a dealbreaker? 

It doesn’t matter to me like that. In fact, some of my relationships weren’t sexual.

On a scale of 1 – 10, how important is sexual compatibility for you?

Let’s say 6.5.

Do you have an unforgettable sexual experience?

This supposed baddie I encountered freaked out after seeing my penis and decided to throw in the towel before the main event began.

Plan a getaway

Let your man know it’s you and him for the weekend. No homeboys, no football, just hot couple enjoyment.

Surprise him on a weekend

This agbado era requires hard work around the clock, so chances are both of you would only be available on a weekend anyway. It’s also the one time he’s likely to follow along with your surprise.

Involve his friends

Let his friends know at least a week in advance. Carry them along in your plans, so they can clear their schedules and turn up for their guy’s surprise party.

Plan with his barber to give him a clean cut

Go to his barber and beg him to give your man a mad cut. You need him and his fades fine AF for you.

Tease him that all bills on you

Start teasing from home that you’re covering all the bills. He won’t think about a party but he’ll know he’s about to be spoiled.

Watch him be amazed

Make sure his friends get there earlier, and let him find himself in an ambush that turns into a party. Do this and you’ve done a fantastic job, so why won’t he be amazed?

Or just plan the whole thing in your head

It’s still the agbado era, which means you’re probably broke like the rest of us. Dreaming is free, and it’s the thought that counts.

ALSO READ: How to Plan a Surprise Party Your Nigerian Girlfriend Would Actually Love