What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Henry: It was in 2018, at a wedding where Joy was a bridesmaid, and I was a guest. We sat at the same table and she made a joke about her dress being too tight. I laughed so hard I spilled wine on myself. There was a charm about her that just pulled me in.

What made her joke that funny?

Henry: It was the delivery and how freely it came out. I think that’s stuff you only say to your girls, not to random guests at a party.

Joy: That dress was suffocating me. I saw Henry laughing after my comment and thought, “He seems like a fun guy.” Later that night, the MC dragged us to the dance floor for a competition, even though Henry swore he couldn’t dance.

Henry: It’s the truth—I still can’t dance. But we had fun.

Did you spend the rest of the wedding together?

Henry: Not really. We talked and danced for a bit, but nothing deep. We talked about Nigerian tailors, the food, and the bride, who was a mutual friend. Also, she had bridesmaids duties, so she kept disappearing. 

Joy: He asked for my number at the end of the night. I thought to myself, “Hmmm, would it kill Lagos men to talk and leave it at that?” But I gave him the number. I figured I could block or ignore him if things got weird. 

So, when did you contact her, Henry?

Henry: The moment I got home. I wanted to be sure she gave me the correct number, and I was curious to see if she had the same energy online.

Joy: I was close to ignoring him because I was exhausted when I got home. But he kicked things off with a string of unhinged stickers, and as a WhatsApp sticker collector myself, I knew he had a sense of humour. We texted a little bit that night, then every week after that. At first, it was just small talk as we slowly got closer. I realised I liked him when he started calling me his “go-to for good vibes.”

Henry: I liked her even before she realised it. She seemed thoughtful and really present. She cared deeply for those around her, which I first noticed at the wedding, but I chalked it up to her bridesmaids duties. 

One day, I casually mentioned I had a terrible cold at work. Joy showed up at my place that night with a bowl of pepper soup and painkillers. That was when I knew I wanted more with her.

Sounds like you both clicked very early

Joy: Yes, we did. The early days of knowing each other and becoming an item were really good. We spent so much time together—going on dates, hanging out with friends. It was fun and easy because Henry didn’t try to control my carefree nature. I’ve dated people who said I was too much or not ladylike enough. But Henry accepted me for who I was.

Henry: We were inseparable. My friends and family members also loved her. Her infectious energy lights up a room and attracts people to her. I didn’t have to do much to bring her into my social circle.

I feel like I’ve missed something. When did you guys become official?

Henry: Six or seven months after we met. We were both single, and our family and friends already assumed we were together because we showed up to gatherings and posted the cutest photos. We didn’t try to correct the impression that we weren’t lovers, but it might have sped things up.

Joy: I’d been single for a year and some months, and I think I fell for him because of how spontaneous everything was. I’m intentional with everything, including my love life. But when I met Henry, I wasn’t searching like I’d been for previous relationships. The spontaneity made it easy to go with the flow and say yes to him when he asked. 

Right. Seeing that the early days were sweet, was there ever a moment you noticed something that made you pause?

Henry: Yes, but it wasn’t immediate. At first, everything was fine, but I started hearing things from mutual friends about how Joy owed them money. I didn’t think much of it because it felt like normal life stuff.

What do you mean by “normal life stuff”?

Henry: You know, like running short on cash before payday or borrowing to cover emergencies. I figured everyone has those moments. But it became concerning when I noticed how often it was happening. Friends would make side comments or joke about her borrowing habits, and it started to feel like more than occasional lapses.

Joy, what were you borrowing money for?

Joy: Mostly for my side hustle—an events business. Sometimes I’d take loans to pay vendors or secure venues, thinking the next client payment would cover it. Other times, it was for personal things—family emergencies and other bills. I always thought I could manage it until things spiralled out of control.

Did Henry know about this while you were dating?

Joy: I didn’t want Henry to think less of me, so I made a conscious effort to not involve him.  I never borrowed from him or shared that part of my life with him.

Henry: Hearing about it from other people made it worse. I felt like she was hiding things from me. I couldn’t comprehend the situation because I hardly turned down her financial requests when she asked. She was also on a ₦50k monthly allowance, which I insisted on giving her, even though she said she wasn’t comfortable placing that kind of financial burden on me. If she needed money for her business or personal stuff, I’d have happily given her without expecting her to pay back. 

How did that impact your relationship?

Henry: It was a source of constant arguments. When I heard something, I’d try to bring it up gently, and she’d get defensive. It wasn’t even about the money — it was the secrecy and how it made me feel like I didn’t fully know the person I was with.

I couldn’t understand why it was even happening. She had a good paying job, her parents are above average, and on top of that, she had a boyfriend who was willing to give if she asked. 

Joy, how did you feel when Henry brought it up?

Joy: I felt ashamed. I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t want it to affect us, so I kept that side of my life away from him. When he confronted me, I went defensive every time because it felt like a personal attack, even though his heart was in the right place. 

Suddenly, my parents’ and siblings’ warnings replayed in my head. They’d insisted I talk to Henry about it when we got serious, but we had something good. I didn’t see the need to sour it up. Moreover, unlike previous partners who I’d borrowed from, I never borrowed from Henry. This was progress in my books. 

Did you ever think it could threaten your relationship in any way? 

Joy: Deep down, yes. But I convinced myself that we’d be fine as long as I didn’t borrow from him or make it his problem. Looking back now, I see how naive that was. Even if I didn’t borrow directly from Henry, it still seeped into our relationship.

Henry: And that happened in some of the ugliest ways possible. Some mutual friends started calling her “Debbie” and I didn’t get it at first.

One day, a mutual friend texted me saying, “Tell Debbie to pay up,” and I was determined to get to the root of the matter. I didn’t care that it meant getting into a fight with her.

Was that your first big fight?

Joy: It was. I hated that it was about money, and even worse, my borrowing habits.

Henry: After I confronted her, she got defensive and tried to play the victim, saying I should be on her side regardless of whatever accusations. It didn’t matter that she was ruining our reputation and making people say ugly stuff behind us.

Joy: I cared about those things, but I was also helpless. The ordeal was overwhelming, and I felt like I’d failed myself yet again. All the spiritual interventions, therapy sessions and attempts to better myself—all down the drain. 

I’m sorry. Did this fight lead to a turning point in your relationship?

Henry: Not entirely, but it planted the seed for our breakup. The final straw was when Joy borrowed from a loan shark and defaulted. They showed up at my office and caused a scene. I can’t describe how humiliating that was.

Joy: That day was my rock bottom. I realised my actions didn’t just affect me, they  also hurt the people I cared about.

Henry: After the loan shark incident, I asked for a break to cool off, but what should have been a few days break became weeks, then months. Joy didn’t make any attempt to reach out, and I just left it at that. 

Joy: I wasn’t sure how he would react if I reached out. After the loan shark event, he didn’t try to have a discussion or register his displeasure. He just went silent, and in my head, I was sure he was done with me. 

I’m not sure he remembers, but the way he asked for a break reinforced the thoughts I had about him being embarrassed of me.

I’m curious. How did you both handle the breakup?

Henry: I buried myself in work and tried to move on. I dated a bit, but nothing serious.

Joy: It was a wake-up call for me. I started therapy again and took steps to manage my finances better. I dated other people as well, but I felt like Henry was the one who got away. We were perfect, didn’t have any problems in the relationship except my personal issues, and I knew deep in my heart that I’d give it a chance if he ever asked again. 

But we had no contact for two years.

So, how did you two reconnect?

Joy: In July 2023, we bumped into each other at another friend’s wedding i. I suspected he was going to be there, and I promised myself to keep things cordial regardless of the energy I got from him.

But my courage flew out the window when he approached to say hi. I became nervous, but I managed to apologise and tell him about my progress.

Henry: I’d seen her a few times since our breakup but avoided her. Once, I saw her at a mall and left for a different one. 

I knew she was going to be at the wedding when I got the invite. I considered turning down the invite, but I was also itching to talk to her. I could see she had changed, she seemed more grounded, and she was eager to talk about her progress with her money problems. Speaking again felt like old times.

What happened after you met at the wedding??

Joy: He checked in the following day, much to my surprise.  I didn’t expect him to follow up so quickly. 

At first, our conversations were casual—exchanging updates and catching up on life. About a week later, we decided to hang out for lunch, and it was like no time had passed. The difference this time was that we had a lot more honesty between us. 

Henry: We eased into things with frequent calls before meeting up for lunch a week later. I didn’t want to rush or complicate things, so I kept it light.  That said, spending time with her reminded me of everything I loved about her. As we continued hanging out, old memories returned, and everything felt natural again.

I see. What’s the situation with you two now?

Joy: We’re taking things slow. I was seeing someone when we reconnected in July, and I didn’t think Henry would be keen on a second chance. But I broke it off because I see something long-term with Henry.

Henry: It’s hard to deny her growth. She has a level of honesty and accountability now that makes me see her in an entirely different light. I still feel strongly about Joy and I believe we all deserve a second chance. 

Sweet. How are you helping her stay on track, Henry?

Henry: Therapy has been a game changer for sure; I make sure she doesn’t miss her sessions. I’m also a lot more involved in helping her budget, set financial goals, and only borrow when absolutely necessary. I’m her official accountability partner.

Neat. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Henry: I’d say a 7. We’re rebuilding, but we’re in a good place.

Joy: Same here. It’s not perfect, but it feels like we’re moving in the right direction.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

We might sound like a broken record hammering on Love Life stories that take you through varying degrees of “God, when” and “God forbid,” but trust us—you’ll love our playlist this time. These love stories from 2024 felt almost too good to be true, leaving readers smiling, swooning, and occasionally gasping. If you’re ready to give love a shot in 2025, a lesson or ten is waiting for you here.

Love Life: Our Early Days Were Like “Love in Tokyo”

Eseosa and Amara’s story is what happens when intentional dating meets a couple who genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Their quarterly relationship review system had readers taking notes, while their “Love in Tokyo” moments reminded us that sometimes, love really does feel like a rom-com.

Love Life: We’re Proof Being Gay Isn’t All About Sex

This story flipped stereotypes and showed our readers what building a partnership rooted in deep friendship is like. From navigating societal assumptions to keeping their love a secret from family, this story was a masterclass in resilience, mutual respect, and the softer sides of queer love.

Love Life: Diarrhoea Almost Ruined Our First Date

This was one of those love life stories that got our readers wishing for a rom-com adaptation. Shola and Damilola’s first date could’ve been a disaster when nature called unexpectedly, but instead, it turned into a hilarious origin story. Their ability to bond over awkward moments and turn a near-catastrophe into a lifetime of love had readers rooting for them from start to finish.

I Had a Crush on My Customer

This Love Life story had all the makings of a rom-com. A love of cake parfait led to a chance meeting, and the buyer-to-customer love trope left readers swooning. Lighthearted and sweet, it’s the perfect story to revisit when you’re in the mood for something charming and fun.

Love Life: I Fell in Love With My Childhood Friend

Tade and Sonia’s story taught us that sometimes, love needs distance to grow. Their journey from platonic childhood friends to life partners—complete with swindled parents and secret meet-ups—had our readers grinning and swooning in equal measure.

Love Life: His Dad Doesn’t Like Me, But I’m the Love of His Life

This story was as emotional as it was sweet and inspiring. From childhood best friends to forbidden lovers who found their way back to each other, Charles and Jamal’s journey through love, prejudice, and healing is a testament to the power of a safe and supportive relationship.

Love Life: I Didn’t Kiss All Frogs Before I Found My Prince Charming

Is it possible to skip the heartbreak and still find true love? James and Motun proved it is. Their journey from spiritual mentor and mentee to married couple gave readers a lot to think about. Their ability to overcome family disapproval and societal expectations showed that true love doesn’t always follow a conventional path.

Love Life: Nigeria Should Let Us Marry in Peace

If you’re looking for a love story that’ll make you hopeful and angry at the same time, Nduka and Ene’s is it. Their story highlights the everyday struggles and triumphs of queer couples in Nigeria. However, with surprising family support and plans for kids despite societal restrictions, this couple reminded readers that determination can defy even the harshest laws of the land.

Love Life: My Friends Think I’m a Fool for Dating an Upcoming Musician

Tobi and Tare’s story is for anyone who’s ever loved someone against all odds. Between a hustling musician’s chaotic lifestyle and naysayers claiming she’s being played, their relationship shows the beauty of staying true to each other and blocking out the noise. Las las, the heart wants what it wants.

Love Life: We Haven’t Seen Physically in Six Years

Six years, two continents, and endless video calls—Basil and Nnenna’s relationship is a masterclass in how to do long-distance love. With Zoom dinner dates and unwavering commitment, they proved that love doesn’t need proximity to thrive—just two people willing to try. This is one of those stories that left readers wondering if they’re brave enough for such love.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

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From losing over 30kg to impress a crush, to discovering a partner’s impotency post-marriage, these Love Life stories of 2024 took us through the full spectrum of “God, when?” to “God forbid!” While some left readers clutching their pearls, others offered thoughtful insights into the complexities of modern relationships.

1. I Lost Over 30kg Just So I Could Approach Him

This Love Life story broke the internet in March, as readers couldn’t wrap their heads around the extent of one woman’s obsession. She stalked her crush on social media, completely altered her body image, and essentially moulded herself to fit his perceived ideal. The wildest part? He had no clue about her efforts to insert herself into his life.

2. I’m 11 Years Younger and Pregnant at 20

This story sparked heated debates about age gaps and power dynamics. While some readers sympathised with the young couple navigating an unexpected pregnancy, others accused the older partner of grooming. The polarising reactions made this one of the most talked-about Love Life stories of the year.

3. We Found Out He Was Impotent After the Wedding

How does a 37-year-old man carry on with no idea that he’s living with erectile dysfunction? That was the question on everyone’s mind after reading Kola and Wunmi’s Love Life. The couple’s 35-year marriage was defined by infertility, secrecy, and a culture that forced them to lie about adopting their children. This story highlights the importance of conversations around sexual health in relationships.

4. Our Marriage Was a Mistake

Infidelity, broken trust, and a marriage on the verge of collapse—this Love Life story was an emotional rollercoaster. What stood out for readers was how Joke’s mum unexpectedly became the glue holding her daughter’s marriage together. The honesty of their struggles also made it a relatable story.

5. We Strongly Believe in Different Religions

What’s the secret to a successful interfaith relationship? For John and Funmi, it’s intentionality and mutual respect. Their story inspired readers with its lessons on balancing religious differences without letting them overshadow love. It’s a reminder that love isn’t always easy, but it can be worth the effort.

6. It’s My Second Marriage, and He’s 13 Years Younger

Love, business, and surrogacy—Aina and Leke’s unconventional relationship defied expectations and inspired readers to rethink traditional norms. Their story showed that love doesn’t always follow a rulebook, and sometimes, embracing the unexpected can lead to the most fulfilling relationships.

7. We Had Divorce Regret, So We Remarried

This Love Life felt like the real-life version of Katy Perry’s “The One That Got Away”. After a painful breakup, this couple found their way back to each other, proving that second chances can be worth it. Their story resonated deeply, offering lessons on healing, growth, and enduring love.

8. Our Relationship Is 95% Sex Vibes

Think friends with benefits on steroids, and you’ll understand why this Love Life had readers hooked. This couple prioritised physical intimacy over emotional connection, redefining what modern relationships can look like. Their openness provided a masterclass on boundaries and communication in unconventional relationships.

9. It’s Been Nine Years, and I Still Can’t Keep Up With Her Libido

Steven and Ore’s story was equal parts funny and thought-provoking. Their candidness about mismatched libidos sparked conversations about sexual compatibility and the compromises couples make for love. The key takeaway? Always have the sex talk before saying “I do.”

10. I Had a Crush on My Customer

This Love Life story had all the makings of a rom-com. A love of cake parfait led to a chance meeting, and the buyer-to-customer love trope left readers swooning. Lighthearted and sweet, it’s the perfect story to revisit when you’re in the mood for something charming and fun.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Jamal: It was when my dad asked me to help Charles unload their car when his family moved into the neighbourhood. This was in 2006.

I didn’t have a lot of kids my age in the area, so I’d been anticipating their arrival since my dad told me we had a new neighbour with a son my age. Charles didn’t say much that day; he just stood beside us as we carried boxes into their house.

Charles: I remember that day. I was relieved to see someone my age because I’d thrown a tantrum when my parents announced our move. I didn’t like leaving my friends behind and moving to a strange, new place. But Jamal looked so cool that day; he had this blue Spiderman shirt I’d always wanted. There was also the fact that he got along with my parents, and it signalled to me that they would approve of our friendship. However, I thought he was doing too much when he carried stuff into our house. 

Jamal: I was only doing what my dad asked, but going inside your house was a bit nosy. 

Seeing that you became instant pals, what was your friendship like as kids? 

Charles: We were inseparable. I was home for about three months because my parents wanted me to enroll in a government school, and the process took forever. I was home and bored, but thankfully, they didn’t mind me going to Jamal’s house when he returned from school.

Jamal: He was always around. He’d follow me to play football, hang out with friends, or just loiter in front of my house.

Charles: I kind of idolised Jamal. He was outspoken, knew the adults in the neighbourhood, and had this confidence I admired. Being his friend made me feel included and seen, which was everything for a quiet kid like me. Those were some of my happiest childhood moments.

Jamal: But something happened a year later that changed our relationship.

Charles: Yeah, I still remember that. 

Please tell me more

Jamal: Charles had finally enrolled in my school because his parents worried he was wasting too much time at home. We went to school separately in the mornings but returned home together. Then we’d hang out at my place or his until our parents returned from work.

One day, we were hanging out at my house after school. We’d just pulled off our uniforms to change into play clothes, and we decided to wrestle while we were down to our pants. I’m not sure who pulled whose pants first, but we got butt-naked and continued grinding against each other. 

Charles: In the middle of that, I got an erection. Jamal found it funny and was playfully touching my penis when his dad walked in on us. I’ll never forget the pure rage on his face. He started shouting, calling us names we didn’t understand and gave us a good beating before we dressed up and he sent me back home. 

Jamal: He reported me to my mum and older siblings and they also started their round of admonishment. My mum tried to dismiss it as boys being boys, but my dad wasn’t having it. Since she didn’t want to offend him, she joined in speaking against it and warned me not to go to Charles’ place again.

Was it that serious?

Jamal: My parents are Muslims. Even though they’re not overly spiritual, they have strong morals and values. My dad saw the situation as two boys engaging in something sexual, so he didn’t take it lightly.

Charles: I mean, I felt some excitement when we were grinding against each other, which led to my erection. Other than that, I didn’t think much of it. 

Jamal: It was the first time I’d see another person’s erect penis, and  it was just funny to me. But my dad’s reaction made me realise that what we’d done was something society considered wrong. I was scared to even think about it after that.

I see. What happened after that day?

Jamal: Everything changed. My dad banned us from seeing each other and made it clear to Charles’ parents that I wasn’t welcome in their house anymore. Then a few months later, my family moved, so we didn’t even get to process what happened.

Charles: I didn’t get a lot of tongue-lashing. My parents tried to talk to Jamal’s dad, but after they noticed his parents were keeping him away, they warned me to stay in our house. 

We still played together in school, but we started to go home separately. One day, I didn’t see him in school or at home, and that was how I learned they’d moved.

Do you think your parents move because of this incident, Jamal?

Jamal: I don’t think so. My dad always wanted a bigger space and had been eyeing the Island for years. But looking back, the incident might have sped things up.

Right. So, when did you two reconnect?

Charles: We didn’t see each other again until 2021, at university. I’d tried to find Jamal on social media, but he was nowhere. It was like he’d disappeared.

Jamal: I wasn’t on social media. I didn’t even have a phone with internet access until I got into university. My dad was strict and didn’t believe in giving kids fancy gadgets.

Charles: I’d just gained admission when I randomly bumped into Jamal at the campus café. At first, I wasn’t sure it was him—it had been over a decade. But he walked up to me, and it was him.

Jamal: I couldn’t believe it either. We were kids the last time I saw Charles. But here he was, all grown up, with a beard and muscles. He also spoke in a posh way, and I  I thought, “Did this guy travel abroad?” 

 We spent the rest of the day catching up, and it felt like no time had passed. I learned he’d just gained admission and was still in the middle of registration. I also offered to let him stay with me until he sorted out his accommodation. 

Charles: I was so relieved. It was like God answered my prayers. I remember I’d been caving under the stress of registration and looking for an apartment. I was staying with an unwelcoming cousin, so when Jamal said I could stay with him, I jumped at the offer. It was only supposed to be for a week or two, but it’s been years.

But wait. How easy was it to rebuild your friendship after all those years apart?

Charles: It was surprisingly easy. Jamal helping me settle into school and offering me a place to stay played a considerable role. Apart from my cousin, he was the only familiar face on campus.

Jamal: Being around Charles again felt natural. I admit I’d made assumptions because of how he spoke, but after a few weeks together, I knew he wasn’t trying to pretend. I later found out he was studying Mass Communication, so it made sense. Outside of that he was my good friend from years ago. 

Did you both talk about the event from your childhood?

Charles:  It came up naturally during one of our late-night conversations. I was curious to know if Jamal had thought about it over the years, especially since it was such a defining moment for me.

Jamal: At first, it wasn’t easy to talk about. That day was one of the most traumatic experiences of my childhood, but it was also a moment of discovery.

Discovery?

Jamal: It made me realise I was different, even if I didn’t have the words for it back then. I knew I felt something for Charles beyond friendship, but my dad’s reaction made me bury those feelings. I spent years convincing myself I wasn’t gay, but I began to understand my sexuality better in secondary school.

Charles: For me, it was similar but less about repression. I’d always felt a pull toward boys, even as a kid. I didn’t feel ashamed  until the adults got involved. Their reactions made it seem like something was wrong with me.

Jamal: When we finally talked about it, it felt like a weight had been lifted. I told Charles how scared I was after my dad walked in, but I also admitted that I’d thought about him often over the years.

Charles: I told him the same. I never forgot about him. Talking about it helped us process what happened and brought us closer.

When did things shift from friendship to romance?

Jamal: It happened slowly. Reconnecting with Charles brought back a lot of feelings I’d buried for years. I’d spent so long convincing myself I wasn’t attracted to men due to how I was raised, but being around him again made me realise I was still drawn to him. I admitted these feelings to myself but not to him.  Honestly, I don’t know why.

Charles: The attraction was always there. Even before we reconnected, I knew what I wanted and who I was. During the years we weren’t in touch, I embraced my sexuality fully. I dated, met people on dating apps, and lived my truth in ways Jamal hadn’t.

Jamal, when did you start embracing your sexuality?

Jamal: It was after Charles and I started spending more time together. Seeing how confident he was made me question why I’d been hiding for so long. 

I grew up in a very religious household, and the shame was deeply ingrained. But Charles was patient with me. He never pushed; he just made it clear that I was safe with him.

Charles: Honest conversations about our experiences during our time apart helped. I shared my journey—how I’d come out to myself, experimented, and learned to love who I was. Jamal opened up about how he’d suppressed his feelings, and it broke my heart to hear his struggles.

Jamal: These conversations ultimately led to a pivotal moment.  One night, we were laying in bed, talking about our childhood, and I reached out to hold his hand. It wasn’t even sexual at first, but before I knew it, we kissed. It wasn’t planned, but it felt so natural, like something that had been waiting to happen for years.

Charles: It was an intimate moment. It was like all the walls Jamal had built were starting to come down.

I understand

Charles:  We didn’t define anything right away, but everything changed after that night. We started holding hands privately, stealing kisses, and becoming more open about our feelings.

Jamal: It was an adjustment for me. I’d never been with a man before, so there was a lot to process emotionally. But Charles was patient. It also helped that we didn’t put a tag on our relationship. We were just a safe space for each other, and I trusted him completely.

At what point did you define your relationship?

Jamal:  There wasn’t a formal “asking out” moment; it just happened naturally. One day, I realised Charles wasn’t just my best friend—he was my partner.

Charles: We both knew without saying it.

Jamal, do your parents know about Charles?

Jamal: Yes, they do. My dad has always been very observant of the people I bring home. At first, he seemed fine with Charles. He was polite, asked about his family, and occasionally joked around when they first met.

That’s surprising, considering the history

Jamal: He didn’t realise Charles was that kid from years ago. Charles didn’t say much during the visit, and I introduced him as my old school friend who had just moved back to town. My dad didn’t connect the dots.

Charles: I tried to keep a low profile. I was nervous about meeting Jamal’s dad again after what happened when we were kids. So I didn’t want to draw too much attention to myself.

Jamal: But then, during one of Charles’ visits, my dad overheard him talking with my siblings, and that’s when it clicked for him. He called me into his room and asked, “Is that the same boy from our former house?” I couldn’t lie, so I told him the truth.

How did he react?

Jamal: His mood shifted almost immediately. He didn’t say much to Charles for the rest of the visit, and after he left, my dad told me he didn’t think it was a good idea to have him around. He said, “I don’t trust that boy. I thought I made myself clear years ago.”

Charles: He was a completely different person the next time I came over. He barely greeted me and spent the whole time giving me cold, disapproving looks. It was uncomfortable.

Has he ever confronted you directly, Charles?

Charles: Not outrightly, but his body language says it all. One time, I came to drop off something for Jamal, and his dad didn’t even let me inside the house. He said, “Thank you,” grabbed the package, and shut the door in my face.

Jamal: It’s been tense since. My dad doesn’t explicitly forbid me from seeing Charles, but his disapproval is obvious. Every time Charles comes around, he makes it clear he’s not welcome. I wonder what the situation would be if he ever finds out we’re more than friends. 

Now that you mention it, what do you think is the future of this relationship, with Nigeria’s anti-LGBTQ laws?

Charles: We think about it all the time. We’ve talked about moving abroad where we can live freely and without fear, but we can’t afford it right now.

Jamal: We’re focused on making it work here, but it’s not easy. We’re constantly aware of how dangerous a relationship like ours is in this country. Knowing some laws criminalise our love is scary, but we’re committed to each other.

Do you have a support system here? Friends or family who make things easier?

Charles: Yes, we’ve been fortunate to find a small but close-knit community of friends who support and understand what we’re going through. It’s not just about being queer; it’s about finding people who value and respect us as individuals.

Jamal: Some of our friends are queer, and others are allies who  have our backs. Knowing we have people we can turn to makes a huge difference. For example, a friend lets us hang out at his house when we need a safe space to spend time together away from school.

Charles: I have a cousin who knows about us and has been incredibly supportive. She’s among the few family members I trust enough to share this part of my life with. She checks in on me regularly and even helps us with small things, like covering up when my parents ask too many questions about where I’m spending my time.

What about your family, Jamal? 

Jamal: Not really, but I have a younger sibling who’s more open-minded. We’ve never explicitly talked about my relationship with Charles, but they’ve made comments suggesting they’d accept if I ever told them the truth.

Charles: Having small pockets of support helps, but we know it’s not the same as full acceptance. That’s why we’re also careful. Even within our community, we’re selective about who we let in.

Jamal: Beyond that, we try to create a safe space in our relationship. Whether it’s cooking together, binge-watching shows, or just laying in bed and talking, those little moments remind us why we’re doing this—why it’s worth it to keep going despite the challenges.

Charles: Ultimately, we know we need to leave Nigeria to build a future together without constantly looking over our shoulders. It’s not an easy decision, but we’re working toward it step by step.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Jamal: I’d give it a 7. Charles makes me feel seen and safe, even when the world feels hostile. But I’d be lying if I said external pressures—like my dad’s disapproval and the constant need to hide—don’t weigh on us.

Charles: For me, it’s an 8. Jamal is kind, supportive, and everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. I just wish we could experience the freedom other couples have without fear. But even with those challenges, it’s worth it being with him.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Ben: It was during our matriculation in 2019. One of my friends mentioned he was looking for a girl in our class named “Small” — it was  Lauretta. We’d been in school for about two weeks, but that was the first time I noticed Lauretta. We didn’t talk because Lauretta was taking pictures with her mum. My friend and I decided not to disturb her.

Lauretta: My first memory of him happened weeks after matriculation. That morning, I sat outside the lecture hall, waiting for class to start. I was listening to Kendrick Lamar —fishing for cool people with similar music taste  — when Ben walked up behind me and glanced at my phone screen. He noticed I was listening to Kendrick and started a conversation about it. 

Ben: She was listening to a Kendrick Lamar song that wasn’t really popular, and I couldn’t help but approach to ask if she was a fan. I also asked to check her playlist to see if she was faking it. After I checked, I noticed she had all his albums and some other songs that I liked.

Lauretta: We ended up talking about music the entire time. I told him how I was a huge Billie Eilish fan back when she made sad-girl music, and then I found out he likes Hozier and a couple of other artists I also listen to. We exchanged numbers before we parted ways.

Sweet. So what happened next?

Ben: We stayed in contact as friends, but there wasn’t much to it. I was seeing someone who was quite jealous, even though we were in an off-and-on relationship. Lauretta and I remained friends for most of our years in school.

Lauretta: On my own end, the only “relationship” I had in school was one talking stage that ended up being a waste of my time. Aside from that, I was juggling work and school, so I didn’t have time to consider pursuing something serious with Ben. Plus, I had a few “character development” moments in school that affected my views on relationships. 

Please, tell me more

Lauretta: I don’t like to remember it, but the long and short is, I discovered a potential lover was sleeping with two of my friends. To make it worse, the three of us used to hang out together. After I found out, I cut things off with him and slowly distanced myself from my friends. I just couldn’t be in that situation. 

I’m sorry about that. What was your friendship with Ben like?

Lauretta: We spent a lot of time together in school because of our shared interests in philosophy, music and literature. But that was about it. 

We did talk about possibly dating once at the end of our second semester in 2019. This was still during the early days of our friendships,  and we decided to just stay as friends and abandon any relationship talk. 

Was there a reason for that?

Lauretta: Ben was already in a relationship, and the girl was in my class. It would’ve been weird to pursue anything with him, knowing what I know. We acknowledged that we liked each other but couldn’t go further; friendship seemed like the safest bet.

Things picked up in 2023, our final year,  when we shared a kiss. Ben had finally broken up with his ex since the previous year, but we didn’t get together immediately.

Ben: Yeah. A major reason was that I strongly suspected I’d contracted Human Papillomavirus (HPV) from my ex.

Oh

Ben: I hadn’t even noticed or experienced any symptoms. My ex blurted out that she’d gotten it from someone she’d cheated on me with.  It was a sword of Damocles situation, and I didn’t want to drag anyone into it.

Did you get tested to confirm?

Ben: Yes, I did. After my ex mentioned it, I paid more attention to my body. I noticed a small bump on my genitals, and knowing what it might be, I did a quick search for what I’d have to do. I went to a lab close to the university teaching hospital, asked to get tested specifically for HPV, and when it came out positive, I started a treatment plan. 

To be honest, I wasn’t entirely fazed by what had happened. I helped my ex treat hers even though she was trying to be hush-hush about it — I did most of the hospital runs. I also didn’t tell anyone about my status. 

Not even with Lauretta?

Lauretta: He told me just before final year. Before then, we didn’t really talk about sexual health. Of course, we knew about diseases like syphilis, gonorrhea, and the others you learn about in social studies class.  

I was quite disappointed with the entire situation. Ben never had anything good to say about his relationship with his ex and it was sad that he got something really bad out of it.

Right. So, let’s talk about the kiss in 2023. Did you get an update on Ben’s status before you allowed that level of intimacy?

Lauretta: Well, not exactly. The last we spoke of his status was in 2021. But, we occasionally had conversations about it, and it encouraged our friend group to do more research about sexual health.

Ben: I was actually “clean”. I hadn’t had intimate relations with a carrier since my ex broke things off in 2022.

But how did you guys even move from friends to people sharing a kiss?

Lauretta: We’d gotten to a point where our friends were already asking us what we were doing. We’d been friends for about years, and you could also say we were in a “talking stage”. Any bad character Ben was hiding about himself at that point was intentional because I basically knew him so well. 

During one of our earliest conversations, we also agreed that if we didn’t find anybody in the future, we’d just get married to each other. So, since we kissed and wanted to continue kissing, we agreed to date.

Ben: Our friends weren’t the only people asking what we were doing. Random people who’d seen us together also wanted to know if we were an item. So, we became official in August 2023. 

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What has the last year of your relationship been like?

Ben: It’s been quite good, to be honest. First of all, I moved to Abuja, where she lives, in 2022 so distance isn’t a problem. 

It’s like being in a relationship with an actual friend. Our years of friendship make it easier to know and understand ourselves. We aren’t two people just trying to figure it out. We’ve been there, done that. Now, we are riding the wave as it comes.

Lauretta: I remember the first few days of us becoming official were spent telling our friends, and every single one of them had their version of  “finally.”  Overall, I’ll say the five-year talking stage was very necessary in helping us lay the foundation for our relationship.

There are not many topics we haven’t discussed. Anything new is an opportunity for exploration rather than conflict.

Curious. Considering you’ve both had experiences with cheating partners, has this impacted the way you approach intimacy as a couple?

Lauretta: It has, in a way. After Ben and I became official in August 2023, I started showing symptoms of an STI. There were bumps on my labia, and I told Ben about them. We first decided not to get sexual so as not to put him at risk of getting infected again. 

I’d gotten intimate twice with a potentially serious guy who turned out to be a cheat and ended up infecting me with HPV. Since Ben had experienced something similar, he helped me through the entire process of testing and getting treated.

We’ve both been in situations where our cheating partners put us at risk, so we’ve decided not to have multiple partners. It would be more efficient to end things than ply that road. 

Ben: Our past relationships are reminders of what we don’t want for ourselves in this relationship. We both hated being cheated on. So, it made it easy to agree that if we would also cheat on each other, we might as well end things.

But how do you keep each other accountable? Is routine testing a norm in your relationship?

Lauretta: For one, I’d say we’ve been able to build a level of trust, and we know we won’t willingly put each other’s health at risk. 

We also want to start routine testing. I got tested at the beginning of this year as part of a giveaway package at a women’s clinic, and that helped set my tone for the year. Ben hasn’t been tested yet, but it’s a high-priority action point for us. 

What about safe sex? Is that something you both practice?

Ben: At the moment, we don’t.

Lauretta: I think we just phased out of it. Initially, we used protection, but we’ve been dating for a year, and there have been occasions where we don’t have condoms in the house. Eventually, we got to a point where we stopped using it altogether. Trust and faithfulness to each other are our most prioritised safety precautions as a couple. 

That’s still risky

Lauretta:  We trust each other. 

Got it. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Ben: This relationship feels like we’re an actual unit. It’s easy to anticipate each other’s needs and be there for ourselves. And life is just smooth with Lauretta.

Lauretta: “Peaceful” is what comes to mind when I think about being with Ben.

He doesn’t drain my energy. I completely enjoy myself whenever I’m around him. 

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Lauretta: I’d give us a 10. We are very compatible in most areas and have grown to be compatible in the areas we’re not.

Ben: I completely agree with her rating. There’s an ease in being seen and understood. I get them from Lauretta.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Motunde: It was at a cemetery in 2018. I had just returned from Benin Republic and wanted to visit my dad’s grave for the first time three months after his passing. I was completely lost, wandering around for what felt like hours. Then, this guy showed up and offered to help. Initially, I was startled because I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even know when he approached me. I didn’t answer him sha. I just nodded and kept walking.

Why?

Motunde: I guess you could say I’d watched enough Nollywood movies to know better than to speak to a stranger in the cemetery. He could have been a ghost or something. 

Anyway, his phone rang around the same time and from his conversation, I felt slightly relieved. I think it was a relative who called because there was a lot of praying, and he kept saying “amen”. He asked to help me again after he got off the phone, and this time around, I responded.

Gregory: The funny thing is, I wasn’t even supposed to be there that day. I’d kept postponing the visit to my dad’s grave because work wouldn’t allow and I wasn’t keen on visiting alone. My siblings were also supposed to come because we wanted to lay wreaths on the grave and inspect some minor construction work, but they cancelled at the last minute. 

When I noticed Motunde, she looked so frustrated, pacing back and forth. Something told me to ask if she was okay, and she said she was trying to find her dad’s grave. I’d been in a similar mix the first time I came to the cemetery, so I knew what she was dealing with and decided to help.

How were you able to locate a stranger’s grave?

Gregory: Well, there’s a way they demarcate the cemetery. The first question I asked was if her dad was Christian or Muslim. He was Muslim, so that gave me an idea of where to look.

Right

Motunde: He helped me find the grave and stayed with me the entire time, even though I was crying my eyes out.

Gregory: I couldn’t leave. I’d been there before—feeling lost and overwhelmed by grief—and I wanted to make it easier for her. Before leaving, I jokingly said, “If you owe me anything, it’s lunch.”

Motunde: I thought, “Who asks for lunch in a cemetery?” But he said it so casually that I laughed. He also asked for my phone number under the guise of “checking in”, and I gave it to him because he’d been so helpful that I didn’t feel the need to deny his request. Plus, I wasn’t planning to stay in touch.

You weren’t?

Motunde: The cemetery didn’t seem like an ideal place for a love story to happen. 

I see. So what happened after that?

Motunde: Nothing, really. A week after the cemetery encounter, he texted me to check up, but I wasn’t really interested, so the communication fizzled out. Then, eight months later, I ran into him at a party in Osun state.

Gregory: It was a complete coincidence. I saw her across the room and thought, “No way. What are the chances?” I walked up to her and said, “Do you always meet people in strange places?” She laughed and tried to form brand new, as if she didn’t know who I was, but I wasn’t having it.  We talked all night.

Motunde: We went on and on about how cool and peaceful Osogbo was. We also veered into bits of our personal life, work and other stuff. Our conversation that night made me realise there was more to him than I thought. He wasn’t just the kind man from the cemetery—he was funny, attentive, and easy to talk to.

Gregory: After that night, we started texting and talking more regularly. At first, it was casual, but over time, our conversations deepened.

How so?

Gregory: We got into more personal aspects of our life. I’d been single for so long because I was hyper-focused on my business and money, but I’d started to feel strong waves of loneliness since I lost my mum. Motunde was the first person I shared this with because my siblings and other relatives would have assumed I was depressed or something if I mentioned loneliness. I didn’t want that.

Motunde: Like I said, Greg’s very easy to talk to. I found myself talking about some of my projects, family troubles I was navigating, and just personal things you’d only share with people you’ve known for a long time.

Was this how you became friends?

Gregory: In a way. We talked for hours about anything and everything, and she quickly became one of my favourite people.

Motunde: He was consistent, which meant a lot to me. He paid attention to the little things—like when I mentioned missing amala from a restaurant in Lagos, and he sent me a picture of himself eating there a week later, teasing me about it.

Gregory: I wasn’t teasing — I was trying to make her smile.

Motunde: Those moments made me feel seen. He wasn’t just my friend; he became someone I trusted deeply.

Gregory: I think that’s what made transitioning to dating so easy. The foundation was already there.

I was coming to that. How did the relationship move from friendship to dating?

Motunde: It all felt very natural. There wasn’t a grand confession of love or anything like that. In March 2019, he told me how he felt, and I realised I felt the same way. I remember the month because I wrote about it in my journal and prayed to God about what I was about to get myself into.

Gregory: I didn’t want to risk ruining what we had, but I also didn’t want to hold back my feelings. I told her, “If you don’t feel the same, we can stay friends—no pressure.”

Motunde: I appreciated that he made it so easy to say yes. It didn’t feel scary or rushed; it felt right. And that was how we became official. 

Cute. What were those early days of dating like?

Motunde: Oh, they weren’t my favourite days. We went from seeing each other almost all the time to going weeks and months apart. Work took me to Abuja shortly after we started dating, so we became a long-distance couple. Greg was in Lagos.

Gregory: Those days tested our communication skills. Since we couldn’t rely on physical presence, we had to be intentional about staying connected via phone calls and constant texting, and I struggled with that. 

There were days I worked long and exhausting hours and wasn’t in the mood to text or talk for long. But Motunde felt I wasn’t prioritising her. 

Motunde: Sometimes, I’d text him about something important, and he’d take hours to reply because he was busy. I’d get upset, thinking he didn’t prioritise me, but when we talked about it, I realised he was trying his best to juggle work and our relationship.

Gregory: Something I took away from that period was learning to resolve conflicts without escalating them. The distance also made the times we spent together even more special. 

How so?

Motunde: We typically spent only two days together whenever he visited Abuja or when I was in Lagos. So, we made sure every second counted. We locked ourselves off from the world—phones were off, we hardly stepped out—just the two of us having loads of intimate time together. 

Then, in October 2019, I had a pregnancy scare.

Did this affect your relationship?

Motunde: Quite the opposite. We often talked about our future as a couple, and I was even planning to get transferred back to Lagos. Still, I wasn’t sure how Greg would take the news. I called him on the phone that day, explained the situation and said I’d go in for a proper blood test if my period was still late. Then, he asked if it was time to take the next step.

Gregory: I told her, “I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you and if this test comes out positive, I think we should get married.” 

Motunde: I remember laughing so hard on the phone because I wasn’t thinking about marriage when I woke up that morning. 

Anyway, I told him to let me get the test results before we started building castles in the air. The test came out negative, but Greg was still bent on his request for marriage. I came to Lagos in December 2019, and that was when he proposed. 

Gregory: We had our introduction and court wedding in January, and we were going to have our traditional wedding in March. But the pandemic happened, and everything shut down.

I remember

Motunde: It was devastating. I’m my mum’s only surviving daughter — we lost my sister to a car accident in 2009 — and she’d dreamt of my wedding for years. 

We didn’t immediately pause the wedding planning because we noticed some events still continued into March despite the growing coronavirus concerns. A postponement didn’t seem necessary—we’d spent so much already: printed invitations, paid ₦3m for the hall, and already bought asoebi for family and friends. 

But two weeks before the wedding, government officials began clamping down on event centres, and it hit us—the wedding wasn’t going to happen.

Gregory: It was tough watching Motunde go through that. It was a shared event for both of us, but I also knew how much the ceremony meant to her and her family. 

We thought we could reschedule by a week or two, but as time passed, it became clear that wouldn’t happen. My main focus was on recouping our losses. I started reaching out to vendors for refunds, which was one tough battle that rubbed salt on the injury.

Let me guess: no refunds?

Gregory: They weren’t even picking up calls, and movement was restricted, so tracking them down wasn’t as easy. The ones who picked up argued they couldn’t give a full refund. The hall, for instance, said they could only do a 50% refund. Hotels refused to refund and said we should come and use the time we paid for. Everything seemed like it was working against us, and on top of that, I had to deal with Motunde’s mum.

What was the issue with her mum?

Motunde: My mum is traditional to her core. For her, the wedding wasn’t just about me and Greg —it was also about her. My wedding was supposed to be a thanksgiving for her, almost like she shamed the devil and her enemies. 

My mum wanted the whole community to see her only surviving daughter walk down the aisle in full Yoruba splendour. She’d done the same for many friends and relatives, and it was only right they also celebrated with her. The outfits, the mother/daughter dance, the spraying—it was her chance to host and show her daughter off, and she felt we deprived her of that. 

It sounds like a lot of expectations to put on you. Does she understand that the cancellation wasn’t your fault?

Gregory: She does, but she hasn’t forgiven us for not rescheduling the wedding. It comes out in little ways. For example, whenever we visit, she makes these sly comments like, “When people say they’ve married off their daughters, what do they mean? Is it just going to court and signing papers?” I know it’s a sore spot for her. Sometimes, I feel like I failed to give her what she wanted.

Motunde: Or when we’re sitting with her friends at a gathering, and they ask, “How was the wedding?” She’ll answer, “Oh, there was no real wedding. It was just in court—simple.” She’ll smile, but you can feel the sting behind her words.

How does that make you feel?

Motunde: It’s frustrating. I understand where she’s coming from, but it feels like she’s holding me responsible for something beyond my control. I’ve tried explaining that it wasn’t just about the lockdown but also our current financial situation, but she doesn’t want to hear it. For her, it’s simple: the wedding hasn’t happened yet, and that’s unacceptable.

Curious. Has this caused friction in your marriage?

Motunde: Absolutely. It’s been a constant source of tension. Sometimes, I feel like Greg doesn’t understand just how much this means to me and my family.

Gregory: It’s not that I don’t understand—I do. I know how important it is to them. But I can’t ignore the financial realities we’re facing. It’s frustrating to feel like no matter how much I explain, they still hold the lack of a big wedding against me.

Motunde: I know he’s under a lot of pressure, and I try to be patient, but sometimes I feel like he could try harder. For example, I proposed doing something small for our fifth anniversary next year. I thought it could be a compromise—nothing too elaborate, just a modest ceremony with close family. But Greg didn’t seem open to it.

Gregory: It wasn’t that I didn’t want to make it happen—I even considered it seriously. But when I crunched the numbers, it just didn’t make sense. My business has been struggling for a while now, and the economy hasn’t made it any easier. I couldn’t justify spending money on a ceremony when we have other priorities.

Motunde: That conversation turned into a huge argument. I visited my mum one time, and she talked about the wedding again. I told Greg, “We need to figure this out.” He said, “Do you think I don’t want to make it happen?” And I responded, “It doesn’t feel like it.” That set him off.

Gregory: I felt attacked, honestly. I’ve been doing my best to manage our finances and keep things stable, but the pressure from her mum has trickled down to her, and it feels like it’s all falling on my shoulders.

How did you eventually resolve it?

Motunde: After a few days, I wrote him a letter explaining how deeply this wedding meant. I told him it’s not just about the ceremony—it’s about my mum and what it represents for her. 

She’s traditional, and not having a wedding for her only daughter feels like she has failed at something. Although, to be fair, I hadn’t been as understanding about his financial situation as I could’ve been. I knew his business was struggling, but in my frustration, I acted like he wasn’t trying, which wasn’t true.

Gregory: After I read the letter, we sat down and talked properly. I explained that the wedding isn’t off the table—we’re just postponing it until we’re in a better financial place. I also shared how much the pressure affected me and made me feel inadequate.

What does your family think about the situation, Gregory?

Gregory: My family is more laid-back about it. They’ve always been practical people and see the court wedding as enough. To them, a big ceremony is unnecessary, especially in this economy.

How has this experience shaped the way you navigate conflict in your union? 

Motunde: We’ve had to learn how to communicate better and constantly remind ourselves that our goals as a family take priority over whatever anyone wants for us.

Gregory: We also try to find compromises. An example is how we’ve talked about having a small ceremony instead of a big wedding to give her family closure. It’s not ideal, but it’s a step in the right direction. I’ve also learnt to manage expectations. Marriage comes with a lot of pressure from both sides, and it’s important to balance what works for us.

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?

Gregory: I’d rate it a 7. Our relationship is strong because of the foundation of friendship we built early on. Still, we’ve faced our fair share of challenges, especially with the cancelled wedding and navigating expectations from her family. It’s not perfect, but we’re constantly learning and growing together.

Motunde: I’d say a 7 too. We’re committed to making this work, and even though there’s tension sometimes, I know Greg has my back. We’re working on better communication and balancing our priorities, which makes me hopeful for the future.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Chidi: I met Oma during a class rep interview in January 2023. I was the department’s president, and I had to conduct the class rep election for first-year students. She was one of the aspirants. Her delivery during her interview was excellent. She made my seemingly difficult questions look easy, so I asked harder ones, but she still aced them.

Oma: I’d just gained admission to university, and I contested for the class rep position in my department because I was interested in politics. I noticed him sitting inside the department’s secretariat while interviewing candidates. In my mind, I thought, “He seems calm, like someone determined but collected.” I also noticed his eyes—they were pretty, although I never told him this.

Chidi: I later found out she’d authored some novels. I was like, “Author as how? Aren’t you in year one?” 

In that moment, I thought, “I like this one. She’s the kind of lady I’d want to be with.” I even said a silent prayer to God about her. But then I heard her age, and I took a step back.

How old was she?

Chidi: She was 16 — a few days away from her 17th birthday, though I didn’t know that yet.

I see. So what happened next?

Chidi: She won the election. I wanted to help her get acquainted with the new role and offered to answer questions she might have, and she had many. We started talking more often; we’d always meet around the department, and she’d have a question or two for me.

Oma: I had challenges with the role, and whenever I had a problem, I’d call or text him for advice. I remember one morning when I called him about a tutorial issue. He gave directions, and we ended up laughing together on the phone. That was when I realised I was starting to like him.

The next time we spoke, he explained that during his first year, he had a senior colleague who helped him navigate those early days, and that’s what he was trying to do for me. After he said that, I reminded myself that he was only trying to be helpful, and I shouldn’t see his actions as anything more. From then on, we didn’t let our conversations get personal. It was strictly school-related. Even then, he started pulling away, and I noticed it. Although I didn’t do anything about it, it made me sad. I value my self-respect, and I was more than willing to return the energy if he wanted space. 

Why did you take a step back, Chidi? 

Chidi: I would say it was her age and personal boundaries. For one, I felt being a guardian would help her avoid mistakes I made during my early years.

At the same time, I wasn’t a fan of interacting too much with junior students because I didn’t want a “see finish” situation. 

Still, with her, it was different. She had my mumu button. Anytime she called, I was eager to see how I could help. A part of me also wanted her in my circle just because she seemed really smart. 

Did you notice when she started withdrawing from you?

Chidi: I didn’t. I just knew that we weren’t so close, and on my part, I knew I was deliberately keeping a distance. I wanted her to mix with other people in school and not be boxed around me since I was among the first connections she made. 

Fair. So, how did the relationship evolve from mentor/mentee to something else?

Oma: It was gradual. We had lengthy phone calls once every three or four months because he’d graduated and wasn’t around the school premises often. At this point, we’d started broaching other topics that weren’t about school, even though we’d still not gotten to talking about our personal lives.

I’d see an interesting video or tweet and send it to him to get his thoughts. At this point, our dynamics had slowly shifted from mentor/mentee to friends. Also,  we started talking more frequently. I was pretty happy about the change. He’s such a smart person, and I wanted to have him in my circle for support. I also didn’t want him as a “senior colleague”, I wanted him as a friend.

Chidi: Yes, we didn’t really talk when I was in my final year. Then I graduated, and we started talking a whole lot more. She would ask if she could call, and we would talk for hours, discussing everything from academics to her social activities in school and other pockets of gossip.

But I think the big change for me came in May 2024. I bumped into her during my clearance, and her excitement was so evident that my friend teased me, saying, “This babe likes you. See the way she was looking at you.”

That night, I called her, and we talked for hours. I was trying to figure out if she was still single—and she was.

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I’m curious. What was your relationship status at the time, Chidi?

Chidi: I’d been single most of my life, except for a six-month stint in secondary school. I had crushes here and there, but  those never became anything more because I realised we wanted different things. I was wary of being with the wrong person. 

So, what happened after you found out she was single?

Chidi: In May, I asked her if she liked me. She said she didn’t want to answer the question, and I felt she was offended. I also thought I had ruined our friendship. 

Oma: I wasn’t sure if he liked me, so I didn’t answer the question. I’m not one to tell you I like you if I don’t know you feel the same way. Moreover, I wanted to be patient and let us continue as friends. I’d never been in a relationship before, but as a firm believer in best friends making the best partners, I wanted to focus on building a friendship with him.

I knew that if I told him I liked him, it would change the dynamics of our friendship, and I didn’t want that. I’ve always fantasised about being with someone who loves me as deeply as I love them. We hadn’t gotten to that point at that moment. 

Chidi: Anyway, we remained friends, asking questions to test our ideologies, and getting to know each other better. Then, in October, she tweeted that she was going to tell a guy that she liked him. My heart skipped because somehow, I knew it was me. After the tweet, I got a text from her saying, “Can we jump on a call tonight?”

How did the call go?

Oma: When I made that tweet, I was telling my friends how much I liked this guy and how it felt like I’d die from the crush. My friends encouraged me to “go for it!” I remember saying in my heart, “God, I like this person so much my chest is overflowing with it, and I cannot keep it anymore lest I run mad…so I must tell him. God, I must tell him.” 

I called him that evening and tried to lighten the mood by asking him how he was. I was basically yapping. And then, out of the blue, I was like, “Fuck it. I like you. Do you like me too?” 

He started telling me stories of how he had noticed me since the first day he saw me, and I was like, “Bruv!  That’s not what I want to know. DO YOU LIKE ME TOO?”

I was eager to find out because my friends had told me that if he didn’t feel the same way, we could buy ice cream, eat and cry together, and I’d get over it. So, I wanted him to get to the point so I could know my fate. It was also my first time telling someone I liked them.  Like actually going after someone I wanted…so I was scared. 

Anyway, he finally got to the point and said he liked me since the first time he saw me. I was like, “Sharp!”

Chidi: She called and started talking about her friend. In my mind, I was like “Is this why we are here? Go straight to the point.”

After she told me she liked me, I told her I’d always liked her, but I was waiting for her to graduate before telling her.

Before then, we had a conversation about grooming, and that was when I learned not to think or assume for her.

Tell me more about this conversation 

Chidi: I shared this Zikoko’s story to hear her thoughts on. I’d always assumed that the five-year age gap  between us was a lot and could be perceived as a case of grooming. 

However, Oma tells me, “It’s not actually five, but four years and three months.” She then explained the difference between age-gap relationships and grooming and shared more resources on what grooming is. During the conversation, I was in awe of her level of intellect and knew we would be together. 

Oma: Most people feel that when there’s a certain age gap, the older partner has somehow manipulated the younger one into the relationship. I explained to Chidi that as long as both partners are adults with pure intentions toward each other and choose to be in a relationship, then it’s fine.

When it comes to grooming, there’s often malicious or manipulative intent from the older partner towards the other, but that’s not our reality. Regardless of the age gap, we have pure intentions toward each other. Nobody is manipulating the other. I know what I want, and I know what I’m doing. People can have age gaps and still respect and love themselves in their relationships. I believe that’s what we have.

How do you recognise these pure intentions, Oma?

Oma: I’m spiritually sensitive. I sense energy and often see people’s true intentions in my dreams. This has been happening since I was little—I dream about something, and it comes to pass. There were people I could have dated, but spiritually, I never saw them in a good light, so I didn’t pursue those relationships. I firmly believe the spiritual governs the physical.

With Chidi, before we even started dating, I remember writing in my diary, “I get the energy and feeling that he genuinely cares about me.” 

My dreams about him were positive, and that’s how I know he has pure intentions toward me. As for myself, I know my intentions for him are equally genuine. 

Beyond my dreams and intellect, I have older friends—women who are mothers and far more experienced. I talk to them often, and they’re honest with me, even when my feelings might cloud my judgment. They’ve helped me see things I might have overlooked. Between their guidance, my dreams, and the way I pay attention to even the smallest actions, I’m confident I’d know if this relationship wasn’t right or has an element of grooming.

Chidi, you mentioned pulling away earlier due to Oma’s age. Did you think approaching her was grooming then?

Chidi: I think older guys sometimes use their experience to lure and manipulate younger girls, and I hate it so much. The “catch them young” bullshit.

At the time, I felt a 21-year-old guy dating a 16-year-old girl was different from a 28-year-old guy dating a 23-year-old lady. So, for me, time was the most important factor. I wasn’t going to have anything with someone under 18, and I preferred to wait until we were ready, and I think I can say we are now.

Were you ever bothered by the age gap, Oma?

Oma: I wasn’t. I told a close friend of mine, and she said, “The age gap is okay.” But even if my friend hadn’t supported it, I wouldn’t have cared. I’ve always believed that one can have an age-gap relationship with love, respect, and peace of mind, while a relationship with someone your age could be full of chaos.

So, no, the age gap never really bothered me. What mattered most was that I felt heard, seen and cared for.

Right. Talk to me about when things became official 

Chidi: I asked her out in October. It was surreal to be with someone who ticked all my boxes finally—she’s kind, career-oriented and really intelligent. And to think that we agree on almost everything, I’d say that I won for real.

Oma: I was excited and scared; I’d never dated anyone before. I’ve always been so focused on my life and goals, but I’m glad about how everything went.

So, what has the last month been like?

Oma: We’ve been taking things easy and slow. It’s important we stay patient with everything, including our relationship. We’ve been talking and laughing, and above all, we’ve been friends. The friendship makes our relationship easy and chill for me. I like it. Anytime I remind myself we’re friends, it calms my heart. 

Chidi: I agree that things have been pretty chill. I’m learning how to communicate better and not assume for her. I love how patient and super supportive she is.

Patience is something you both hammer on. What’s that about?

Chidi: This is our first relationship as adults, and since we’re also invested in being friends, we don’t want to push things too fast and get overwhelmed. We don’t want a situation where we lose the relationship and friendship. So, we’ve decided to do everything at our own pace. The visits and “how far” we can go in the relationship whenever we meet. I think it has made us not lose ourselves now that we’re dating.

Oma: We stay in different states. So, rather than rushing to see each other, we’re focusing on our goals. I’m focusing on my studies and career as a creative. We’re not putting a timeline on anything. We don’t have to rush the back-to-back dates, physical hangouts and such. It’s also a long-distance relationship, and I’m happy with how it’s going so far.

Speaking of long distance. How do you both plan to make things work? 

Chidi: For now, we text every day and call from time to time. Last week, we had our longest call ever—eight hours. 

Oma: We’ll probably meet next year. But for now, as he mentioned, we communicate a lot via phone calls and texts. It has made the long distance easier for us. 

What’s the best thing about being together, and what comes to mind when you think about the future of this relationship?

Oma: I love his laughter. For some reason, I could sit down and listen to him laugh. It’s crazy. But aside from that, my favourite thing about being with Chidi is how he makes me feel heard and seen. 

Our future looks promising. There’s no need to worry; it’s in God’s hands.

Chidi: I love how we support each other’s goals. Oma has lofty goals—she’s a multi-disciplinary artist who writes, sings and films. She’s a published author at 18, and plans to get her masters and PhD in creative writing. I constantly remind her that I’m her number one fan, rooting for her to do all the amazing things she can think of.

With her, the future excites me a lot. In my head, we are married, living the power couple life and bringing out the best in each other.

Oma: I always think of things in the long term, and that’s why I haven’t dated anyone until now. I don’t have time to waste getting attached to someone I see no future with. I see things in the long term with him, and marriage would be chill.

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?

Chidi: It’s a 10 because she ticks all my boxes. I love how she’s career-driven, her feminist views, and our similar views on almost every topic. I never wanted to end up with an opposition, and I’m glad she’s not one. 

Oma: Even if we have opposing views, we’d respectfully share our views and respect each other’s thoughts.

I’ll give us a 9.5. The missing 0.5 is because this still feels like new territory for me. I sometimes feel nervous because I’ve never done anything like this before. But I also know it gets better, and we’ll be good.

READ THIS TOO: His Weight Loss Feels Like Betrayal

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Bunmi: My first memory of Andrew was during an excruciating weight loss class in 2017. I’d joined because my blood pressure had suddenly spiked, and the doctors suggested doing something about my weight. But there he was, the loudest in the room, cracking jokes while we were all caving under the weight of dumbbells. I remember thinking, “Who is this clown making a spectacle of himself?” But it turned out he was just trying to make the pain a bit more bearable.

Andrew: Yeah, I was definitely trying to distract myself and everyone else from the agony. I’d reluctantly joined the class after a friend, tired of hearing me rant about my weight insecurities, suggested it. Before then, I’d been juggling portion control, intermittent fasting, and a healthy eating plan, but the progress was barely noticeable. I saw some video testimonials and thought, “Why not?” Plus, it was affordable.

Anyway, Bunmi’s bombastic side-eye that day was unmissable. It was like she was silently telling me, “Please, can you shut up and let us suffer in peace?”

What happened after that moment? When did you start warming up to him?

Bunmi: It took a few sessions. I remember him coming up to me after one particularly rough day to ask if I was okay. That’s how we started chatting about how much we hated burpees and how sore we were most of the time. The shared struggle brought us together.

One evening, about six weeks after the bombastic side-eye incident, Andrew invited me to his place and cooked me this healthy version of jollof rice. It was then that I thought, “Wow, I really like this guy.”

The jollof was that good?

Bunmi: It was, to be honest. But it wasn’t just about the taste of the meal, I could tell that he really wanted me to enjoy the whole experience — the way he plated the food, his choice of drink and he also packed a separate plate for me to take home. I didn’t need anyone to tell me at that moment that cooking is one of his ways of expressing love.

I see

Andrew: Before all of this, we bonded over our mutual dislike for the gym, honestly. We’d motivate each other in the most ridiculous ways. Like, “If you finish this workout, I’ll treat you to a smoothie” or a plate of healthy jollof like she mentioned.

It took a while for both of us to acknowledge our feelings because we were both scared. Dating someone who shared the same struggles felt risky. I worried we’d drag each other down, but the more time we spent together, the more convinced I was that we were lifting each other up instead.

Why did you have doubts about dating a plus-sized person, Bunmi?

Bunmi: I worried about us enabling each other’s unhealthy habits. And since people can be so judgemental, I also worried about being tagged as “the fat couple.” It wasn’t just about my comfort—it was about the external pressures, too.

I kept thinking, “What if we never lose the weight?” This fear stayed with me even after we became official in 2018.

Andrew: Our shared determination changed everything. We didn’t want to stay stuck. I mean, that’s why we were both in a weight loss programme. It wasn’t like anyone forced the other to be there, it was a decision we made of our own accord. So, the way I saw it, we motivated each other to keep going, and that gave me confidence in the possibility of us as a couple.

Sweet. How did your families feel about you two getting together?

Bunmi: Oh, there were mixed reactions. My mum was supportive but worried. She said things like, “Are you sure this is the best for you both? Two overweight people together?” It was tough to hear that because I knew she meant well, but it also hurt.

Andrew: My family was mostly supportive, but there were a few snide comments from them as well. Things like, “Maybe being together will help you lose weight faster.” It was like our relationship was only valid if it helped us become slimmer. But we learned to ignore the noise. We’d laugh off the backhanded comments sometimes, and at other times we simply didn’t acknowledge them.

I’m curious. Did those comments ever make you doubt being together?

Bunmi: Sometimes, yes. But by the time we got engaged in 2019, we’d lost a decent amount of weight together—about 37kg each. I had dropped from 160kg, and he from 170kg. We felt healthier and more in control, and that gave us the confidence to move forward. We knew what we wanted.

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Hold on a sec. Could you walk me through how you crossed the line from relationship to marriage?

Andrew: It was a gradual process. By 2018, we’d been together for over a year and had helped each other through some tough times. We were both committed to our weight loss journey and growing together. We’d become each other’s accountability partner, and I realised I didn’t want to do life without her.

Bunmi: But it wasn’t as simple as “I love you, let’s get married”; we had to talk about our fears and worries. Would we be healthy enough for each other? My blood pressure was unstable and I was dealing with a couple of other illnesses from being overweight. Would society accept us as a couple?

Hmmm

Andrew: I remember asking one of my closest friends if I was crazy for wanting to marry Bunmi, given all the pressures we already faced. He told me, “You’re crazy if you don’t marry her. You guys make each other better.” That stuck with me.

Bunmi: I also spoke with friends, my siblings, and even my mum. One night, after another long conversation with one of my closest friends, I just knew. It wasn’t about perfection; it was about knowing we could build a good life together, even with our flaws and all.

Andrew: It wasn’t some grand, perfect decision. It was messy and full of second-guessing, but we went for it and got married in 2019 — about five months after we got engaged.

What was your wedding like?

Bunmi: Our wedding day was perfect, but a few moments leading up to it tested us. Shopping for outfits was a nightmare. I remember a tailor suggesting I wear something to “hide my belly.” We had to remind ourselves that this day was about celebrating our love, not our weight.

Andrew:  The stares were also unavoidable. But we didn’t let it get to us. We knew we were marrying for the right reasons, not to fit into anyone’s idea of what a couple should look like.

I’m sorry. What about the early days? Did marriage change things, especially your weight loss journey?

Bunmi: They were some of my best moments in our union. We were so motivated, not just by our feelings but by the idea that we were a team. We’d meal prep together, find new workout routines, and celebrate even the smallest victories. There was constant encouragement. If one of us wanted to give up, the other was there to push back.

Andrew: We built a bubble of support around ourselves. We weren’t just focused on weight loss, but also on building each other’s confidence. But it wasn’t without its struggles.

Please, tell me more

Bunmi: COVID hit. We both fell off our routine and gained back some of the weight we’d lost. By the time the world started reopening, we’d regained at least 10 kg each. Then I got pregnant in 2021, and my weight shot up even more.

Andrew: I managed to lose 20kg post-pandemic. I’m now much trimmer, but it’s been a dicey mix because Bunmi’s journey took a different turn. The weight gain from her pregnancy never really went away, and it’s been hard on both of us.

Bunmi, could you please talk about that?

Bunmi: Getting pregnant was beautiful, but it was also terrifying. I knew the weight gain was inevitable, but experiencing it still was a nightmare. Meanwhile, Andrew started losing weight again. It felt like he was leaving me behind, and that made me resentful. Sometimes, I’d look at him and think, “Why do you get to feel good about yourself while I’m stuck in a body I don’t recognise?” It’s an ugly feeling to acknowledge, but it’s the truth.

Andrew: I noticed the shift. There are moments where I feel her pulling away, especially when people compliment my weight loss and say nothing—or something cruel—to her.

What sort of things?

Bunmi: Things like, “Wow, Andrew, you look amazing!” and then glance at me with pity or judgement. Some are even rude enough to comment on how “I’ve put on.” It makes me dread going out with him.

Andrew: It’s painful to watch. I know I’ve made progress, but I hate that it makes Bunmi feel left behind. I try to reassure her, but I know it’s a struggle she has to work through herself too.

How do you cope with this, Bunmi? Does it ever boil over into your interactions?

Bunmi: Yes, more often than I’d like to admit. I hate feeling this way, but it’s hard. I avoid going out with him sometimes because I don’t want to feel like his “less attractive” wife. And even though I’ve started a new weight loss programme, the pressure is still there. It’s like I’m constantly being measured against him.

Andrew: It’s difficult, but we try to talk about it. I want to support her, but I also can’t pretend that the comments and comparisons don’t exist. It’s something we’re working through, one day at a time.

Can you share how?

Andrew: I’m learning to stand up for her when people comment on her weight. I used to avoid confrontations and reassure her later, but she told me speaking up in the moment would mean more for her confidence.

Bunmi: I try to remind myself that he’s on my side, even though his weight loss journey seems easier. I’ve seen his struggles—bad gym days, turning down wrong-sized gifts from friends, and skipping beach hangouts. Remembering these struggles helps me stay compassionate and let go of resentment.

I can imagine. So, has this affected your conversations about having more kids?

Bunmi: Oh, absolutely. The thought of getting pregnant again and what it would do to my body terrifies me. My experience after having our first child has made me hesitant. I love our baby, but the physical and emotional toll is something I’m not eager to relive anytime soon.

Andrew: I get where she’s coming from, but it’s complicated for me too.

Complicated?

Andrew: I’d love to have another child. I grew up in a big family, and I always pictured us with more kids. But I also see the toll it’s taken on Bunmi, and I don’t want to push her into something she’s not ready for.

Bunmi: I feel guilty because I know how much having a bigger family means to him. But I also feel like he doesn’t fully understand the fear I live with. Pregnancy wasn’t just physically tasking; it was emotionally draining. The pressure to “bounce back” never stops.

Andrew: It’s true. I often get frustrated because I don’t want to feel like our family plans are stalled. But then I remind myself that her health—physical and emotional—comes first. Still, it’s hard to reconcile my desire for more kids with the risk of what it could cost her.

Between Andrew’s continued weight loss and the conversation about having more kids, what has caused the most strain on your marriage, and how are you navigating it?

Bunmi: Honestly? Andrew’s weight loss is a constant reminder of my own struggles. He’s out here getting compliments and feeling more confident, while I’m battling the weight I gained from pregnancy. It feels unfair, and that resentment seeps into everything, including our talks about more kids.

Andrew: It’s a huge strain. I’ve worked hard to lose weight, but it’s difficult when my progress makes her feel worse.We’re both trying, but it’s not easy. I know I’ve occasionally pushed too hard about having another kid, and Bunmi has had to remind me that her health has to come first. Then there are days when I feel helpless, like our goals are forever out of sync.

Bunmi: We’ve started seeing a therapist to help us communicate better, but the strain is real. On many occasions, it feels like we’re stuck in this endless loop of wanting to support each other but feeling misunderstood.

That’s understandable. What’s the best thing about being together despite these ups and downs?

Andrew: It’s the partnership and the history we share. Bunmi is my confidante, and even when things are tough, I can’t imagine going through life with anyone else. We’ve been through so much, and that bond means everything to me.

Bunmi: For me, it’s knowing that no matter how much we struggle, we’re still each other’s home. Andrew is my biggest supporter, even when I’m hard to love. It’s not perfect, but it’s real. On days when I get into long, moody episodes, he goes above and beyond to make me smile. I hate to admit it, but his efforts work—one comment from him, and I’m laughing, and all feels right with the world again.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life right now?

Bunmi: Maybe a 6. We’re still in the trenches. Yet we’re trying. There’s love, but there’s also a lot we need to work on.

Andrew: I’d say a 7. We aren’t at the best place right now, but we’re committed to finding our way back to each other. That commitment is worth a lot.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Hassan: 1999. Her family had just moved to Surulere, where my family lived. Aisha always looked so reserved whenever she stepped out. One morning, I saw her rushing to catch a bus, and it was the first time she looked dishevelled and not as put together like the previous times I’d seen her. Her scarf was flying everywhere, and she looked determined as she raced after the bus. Her energy was hard to ignore.

What was it about her energy that stuck with you?

Hassan: I was used to seeing women act prim and proper. I have female friends who’d have chose waiting for another bus over running after one. So, I could tell she was different. Seeing her run made me think she wasn’t afraid of a challenge and didn’t care much for what people say. 

Aisha: This day was a complete mess. I was late for work, and everything was chaotic. But yes, it was 1999. 

My first real memory of Hassan, though, was at the central mosque in our neighbourhood. He was always there, helping the elders and taking care of things.  He also had a calm, steady presence that made people feel safe.

I see. So, at what point did friendship come into the picture?

Hassan: It happened slowly. We’d see each other at community and mosque events, exchange greetings, and have short conversations. I’d ask her how she was settling into the new neighbourhood and we’d occasionally talk about our personal interests. The conversation never moved past these basic things because we’re both Muslims and we wanted to keep the budding friendship “halal”. 

Our relationship changed after my mother got sick. I’d casually mentioned it once after Jumat prayers and Aisha came around to help, even though we were just acquaintances. You don’t forget that kind of compassion. 

Aisha: For me, I’d say it was when I started to experience his kindness firsthand. I’d already seen how he helped old people in the mosque but upon getting closer to him, I realised he wasn’t doing it just to score rewards from Allah or give an impression of being a good person. This was genuinely his person. Hassan was respectful and considerate that it didn’t matter that we were just getting to know each other; he treated me like I was already family. 

But it was also his sense of duty—I saw how he catered deeply to his mum and siblings. He took his responsibilities seriously, and that made me feel secure.

How did things progress from there? 

Aisha: After his mother recovered, we continued to talk. We’d have long conversations about our dreams, faith, and what we wanted from life. We slowly became closer, and there was a point where I couldn’t imagine a day without hearing from him. It felt natural to fall for him.

Hassan: I’d also started making my intentions known by this time. Watching her spend time with my family and how everyone accepted her made me know I’d found the person for me. It was also the same with her family members who’d started treating me like an in-law.

What do you mean?

Hassan: Her siblings were already calling me “oko aunty Aisha” ( Aunty Aisha’s husband) whenever I visited. Her parents also excused themselves from the living room whenever I came over. 

At this point, it wasn’t a strange idea that we might get married. 

So, when did you both realise you wanted to get married?

Hassan: Sometime in 2000, a year after we’d become good friends. I remember her dad calling me aside during one of my visits, and he said to me “Where is this thing with my daughter going?”

I didn’t think twice before telling him I wanted to marry her. Even though  Aisha and I had always known it was the end game, saying it out loud to her dad was the first time I truly realised how much I wanted to be her husband. 

I also remember praying about it and feeling a sense of peace that Aisha was the one. I knew she had the qualities I wanted in a wife: strength, kindness, and faith. So, I asked her if she’d consider building a life with me.

Aisha: I had already been thinking about it, too. When he asked, I didn’t even hesitate. I knew he was serious, dependable, and that he’d always have my back. We got engaged shortly after and got married in 2001.

Sweet. What were the early days of your union like?

Aisha: Oh, it was a rollercoaster. We were young and full of opinions. I had a loud mouth and wasn’t afraid to speak my mind, and Hassan was deeply rooted in his traditional ways. We loved each other fiercely, but we argued just as passionately.

Hassan: Yes, she kept me on my toes. We had different visions for how our future should look. Aisha had big dreams; she wanted to continue working after marriage, and I had to adjust to that idea. 

Aisha: This “work after marriage” thing caused our first big fight. I remember crying to God during my prayers and asking if I’d made a mistake by getting married to this man. 

Tell me more about this fight

Aisha: We’d just had our first child, and I wanted to go back to work. Hassan was worried about what our community would think. We’d already argued about this earlier when he suggested that I should be a stay at mum. At the time, it wasn’t really a fight; just a big argument that we resolved with one conversation.

But it was different this time around. To him, having his wife return to work months after childbirth felt like a failure on his part, and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t see that I just wanted to support our family.

Hassan: It was more than just money; it was about making my wife comfortable just like the Qur’an advises. I was earning enough to cater for both of us and the new addition to our family. I also grew up in a household where I watched my dad handle everything. It felt like I wasn’t good enough if she had to work. 

But Aisha made me realise that it was about partnership, not pride. It took me time, but I learned.

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Fair enough. What did this fight mean for conflict resolution in your relationship?

Hassan: It taught me humility and the importance of listening. Marriage isn’t just about leading; it’s about growing together. We learned to be each other’s biggest supporters.

Aisha: Exactly. We had to remind each other that we’re on the same team for life. We’ve built a life based on compromise, understanding, and so much love. And that foundation has helped us through the most difficult times.

Speaking of difficult times,what’s been the hardest thing you’ve faced together?

Hassan: Aisha was recently diagnosed with cancer. It was like the world stopped. We’ve faced challenges before, but nothing prepared us for this.

I’m so sorry to hear that. How did you both handle the news?

Hassan: It’s hard to talk about. 

When we got the news, I felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me. But Aisha… she handled it with so much strength.

Aisha: At first, there was shock, then denial and finally acceptance. 

I think I’d always imagined the possibility after my maternal grandmother died of the same disease. But after her, no one else in my family got the diagnosis, and I thought to myself, “Maybe Allah has finally taken this thing away from our family.” But then, it happened and the only question in my head for weeks was “How did this happen?” 

But once I got to the acceptance stage, I started thinking about my family. “What would happen if I didn’t make it? What do I need to do for my family?” I became consumed with the idea of making sure they’d be okay if the worst happened. 

That’s heavy. What did that lead to?

Aisha: I decided to find Hassan a second wife. 

I’m sorry, but why?

Aisha: I know it sounds strange, but it feels like the right thing to do. I want to have a say in who takes over my role. It’s not just about finding someone who can love him; it’s about finding someone who will love and care for our three kids the way I would. It’s hard to explain, but it feels like the only way to have some control over what happens if I’m not here.

These kids…they’re teenagers, but they still have a long way to go before they become independent. It’s important that I entrust them in the hands of someone I know. It’s the only way I’ll rest in peace if this sickness takes me.

Hassan, how do you feel about this?

Hassan: I was and I’m still angry that she considered and perfected the idea in her head even before she shared it with me. I didn’t want to hear it. To me, planning for a future without Aisha feels like giving up on her. I believe in God’s plan, and I’ve been praying for her healing. I believe the women she’s introduced me to are good people. The problem is, they aren’t her. They don’t have her warmth or her spirit. It just feels wrong.

Aisha: It’s painful for both of us. But I have to be practical. It doesn’t mean I don’t have faith; I just want to be prepared. And I want to have a hand in choosing who will be part of our family.

I’m so sorry. How has this revelation changed your relationship?

Hassan: It’s an added strain, for sure. We’ve had arguments we never imagined we’d have. Sometimes, I’m too hard on her to follow the unending rules from the doctors. And she feels like I’m going about what could be some of our last moments together the wrong way. 

But at the same time, there’s a new level of honesty between us. We’ve become more vulnerable with each other.

Aisha: Yes, we’ve become more open. There’s no room for pretence anymore. We laugh, we cry, and sometimes we just sit in silence, holding each other. It’s been hard, but it’s also made us cherish every moment we have.

You mentioned the kids earlier. Are they aware of any of these?

Hassan: We’ve kept things as gentle as possible. They know that their mother is unwell, but we haven’t spoken in detail about the situation. We don’t want to overwhelm them with fear.

Aisha: They’re still young, and it’s hard enough for them to see me tired or in pain. Talking about my plans to find their father a second wife would be confusing and upsetting for them.

Do you think there will come a time when you’ll need to have that conversation with them?

Aisha: Yes, probably. If things get worse or if we feel they need to understand more, we’ll talk to them. But for now, we’re focused on making memories, keeping their spirits up, and praying for the best.

That’s understandable. What will you miss the most about each other if that time ever comes?

Aisha: His voice. Hassan’s voice can calm any storm, even the one raging in my heart. I’ll miss the way he says my name when he’s trying to reassure me.

Hassan: Her laughter. It fills the room and makes everything feel alive. I can’t imagine a world without that sound.

How has your time together shaped your view of love and marriage?

Hassan: It’s made me realise that love is in the little things. It’s not about grand gestures but the everyday acts of care and sacrifice. Marriage is about holding on, even when it feels impossible.

Aisha: It’s also about acceptance. Loving someone through their pain, their flaws, their fears. It’s messy and complicated, but it’s worth every second.

Finally, on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Hassan: I’d give us an 8. We’re not perfect, but we’ve built something beautiful.

Aisha: I’d say a 9. Even with everything, our love hasn’t wavered. That’s something I’m proud of.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Thompson: We met at a university golf game in August 2023. A mutual friend invited us to watch the game and introduced us. I thought she was cute as we talked.

Nifemi: He appeared really quiet and composed, and that was the first thing I noticed about him. Then, when we started talking, I couldn’t help noticing how brilliant he sounded. 

Within just a few hours of conversing, I could tell he was patient enough to want to understand me. There was no need to “form” like one would usually do when one has just met a new person. I felt relaxed with him the entire time, and we talked for hours and hours. 

Thompson: We hit it off on the very first day. So, we exchanged numbers and continued texting when we got home. The funny thing is, we almost never met that day.

What happened?

Thompson: I’d gone to the wrong golf course, and then it started raining, so I had to locate the right one under the heavy downpour. I was almost tempted to return home, but I stayed back, and this is how it paid off. 

I see. So, what did you guys talk about?

Nifemi: Everything — family, writing, music, books, etc. That was how I knew he’d read “Vagabonds” by Eloghosa Osunde, one of my favourite books. During that conversation, I bargained to steal the hard copy of the book from him. 

I can’t explain it, but it seemed like we genuinely wanted to be friends from day one. Although I should add that I didn’t think he would text me when he got home. I thought it was one of those scenes where you have a good time with a stranger, and then they take your number and ghost you. 

But he proved you wrong? 

Nifemi: He did. 

Thompson: I also showed her my Spotify music playlist, and we spent some time talking about music. She mentioned how she shares her dad’s taste in music. I think what confirmed that I liked her from that first meeting was when she knew who Stan Lee was. She knew him because he was a writer and not because he made cameos in Marvel movies. I found that interesting. 

So what happened next?

Thompson: We met again later that month, and I gave her my hard copy of Eloghosa’s “Vagabonds”. Giving her the book was how I knew I was gone. 

Nifemi: I’m never returning it, by the way. 

Is this the point where you guys started a friendship?

Thompson: You could say that. However, we didn’t stay as friends for long, so you could also say we moved to the talking stage. 

After we hung out, she straight up asked what my intentions were. She wanted to know if I was seeking a friendship or a romantic relationship. 

I said to her, “I like you a lot more than a friend, and I’m curious to see where this goes.” Even though I’d revealed my intentions, I had a feeling things wouldn’t work out between us.

Why not?

I’m an atheist, and I’ve had lots of experiences where people started to retreat after learning this info. I was worried it would be the same with her, so it was a concern that stayed in my mind while I made my intentions known to her. 

Nifemi: We talked almost every day from August through September.

I tell him that I didn’t experience the “talking stage” because he revealed he was attracted to me from the first week we met. It wasn’t just that; he also mentioned that he would like me to be his girlfriend someday, so I’d say he knew what he wanted from the beginning, and it wasn’t friendship.

Anyway, a part of me felt everything he confessed would fade, especially as we didn’t talk much about the subject. He never pressured me about his attraction to me or how he felt about me; we just stayed as people who knew they wanted to be more than friends. 

How long did this phase last?

Nifemi: Three months.

During this period, we didn’t force anything, but we were conscious of our feelings for each other. I kept saying he’d get tired of talking to me soon, but he never did. He remained fascinated with talking with me, genuinely cared for me, and always looked out for me. 

Nothing about him pushed me away, not even the fact that he’s an atheist.

Wait, how did you find out?

Nifemi: He told me during one of our earliest conversations. At first, I was stunned. I started thinking about the long-term and how this revelation would affect our future together. But I realised my open-mindedness meant religion wouldn’t stop me from seeing who he truly was or loving him.

I asked myself, “Who is this man without the concept of religion? Is he kind? Does he listen even when I can’t find the words? Does he respect me and my values?” He ticked all the boxes, and I haven’t looked back.

Thompson: I like to let people know what they’re dealing with from the start, so I had to tell her before I asked her out. I didn’t want a situation where I kept it from her, and then one day she’ll discover, or I’ll tell her because my conscience can’t handle the guilt, and it’ll feel like I bamboozled her because of my selfish desires. I didn’t want us to be in too deep before that revelation would come out. I wanted to give her the option of staying or leaving. It would’ve hurt if she’d left, but I think it’s better than lying, especially to someone I claimed to care about.

Fair. So when did things become official?

Thompson: I asked her to be my girlfriend on October 3, 2023, and I didn’t get a yes until a week later.

Nifemi: He asked me for a gift on National Boyfriend Day, which I wasn’t prepared to give since we weren’t exclusive yet. I told him I didn’t know we were dating, and that was the moment he confessed he was using that as an opportunity to ask me out. 

I told him I was going to think about it. 

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Did you just want to play hard to get, Nifemi?

Nifemi: Call it instinct; the feminine urge to make him suffer before he had me. I know it’s pointless, but I’m a woman and can’t resist my nature. 

While I was still sleeping on his request, I invited him to a party. Just seeing how dashing he looked in his outfit made me know I wanted to be with him, so I said yes afterwards. 

Thompson: She won’t say it, but playing hard to get is a defence mechanism.

What do you mean?

Thompson: She’d been hurt a lot by people she cared about, especially previous romantic relationships. So even though she felt all these feelings for me, she played  “hard to get” because she was scared of letting anyone get too close— each time they did in the past, they hurt her. I understood that and proved her wrong by staying.

Cool. I assume the early days of your relationship were blissful?

Nifemi: They were joyous days, and I’ve continued to love every bit of it even to date.

Thompson: For the most part, yes.

I think early on, the main issue we had was sex. She was afraid I wouldn’t find her attractive, but it was smooth sailing after she finally opened up to me about her fears. Still is.

Why did you think this, Nifemi? 

Nifemi: I never had any proper sex education, so I felt sex was something to be ashamed of. My body responded to intimacy in a cringe way, and it was mainly because I didn’t understand it. Thompson helped me with that.

Thompson: I told her I was also insecure about my body. But I’d learned that just because I don’t always feel good about myself doesn’t mean others see me that way. I asked her if she thought I didn’t look good naked, and she quickly said no; she found me attractive.

I told her that was great, but I don’t feel the same way about myself, and that’s okay. I reminded her that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think she looked good. I even mentioned the second time we met and how hot she looked in her shorts. I told her, “Just because you don’t always see yourself as hot doesn’t mean I don’t. 

I’m curious, what’s your sex life like these days?

Nifemi: Adventurous. I think about him and his penis every day.

Thompson: I get too many flashbacks every day—it’s kind of embarrassing. She initiates sex now more than ever. We actively try to educate ourselves on the subject, too — I send her books that I’ve read on sex education and teach her some of the stuff I already know. She also “DJs” a lot more than she used to; she never did that before we met. So I’ll say it’s been steady progress.

Nifemi: What I want is very important to him. He will not press on anything if I don’t feel comfortable about it. He understands my body and helps me understand it, too.

Must be nice. Have you guys had a major fight yet?

Thompson: I dunno if I’ll call it a fight, but it was a pretty big misunderstanding. We were talking about the future and marriage, and she practically almost broke up with me because she freaked out about the discussion.

Nifemi: That is the one. I was hurt and almost broke up because I was scared we might not work out.

Thompson: I noticed Nifemi kept bringing up marriage in our conversations. After hearing it a few times, I realised my stance on marriage had shifted. When we started dating, I thought there were practical reasons to get married—the legal, social bit. But over time, my opinion changed, and I began to feel it was restrictive, almost like a trap. The idea of marriage, especially with the challenges and social stigma that also follow divorce and separation, made me question if it was right for me.

I brought this up with her, knowing the possible risks to our relationship, but I wanted to be honest. She was upset and thought I was trying to end things because our future goals didn’t align. But as we talked, she explained that marriage meant freedom and independence for her—she wanted to establish herself apart from her family. This perspective was new to me. As a man, I’d never considered that marriage could be a path to independence.

Nifemi: Initially, when he said he wasn’t sure about getting married, I didn’t worry much. I didn’t have a practical reason for marriage beyond wanting a partner. But over time, I realised marriage could be a way to fully live the life I’d fought my parents hard for—a life where I could be independent, be a creative even against their wishes, and build my own home.

So, when he questioned if marriage was right for us, I panicked. This relationship has given me peace and joy; I genuinely want a life with him. After that conversation, I thought about what he’d said and talked to my brother about it. After our conversation, I concluded that marriage isn’t much of an accomplishment. I’ve realised I can do life alone without tethering myself to anyone; I’m more particular about building an independent life and my dreams. 

Now that I have more clarity about how I think of marriage, I want to be with him whether or not marriage is on the table.

What about children?

Thompson: Oh, I don’t want any. 

I’m not interested in being a parent. I know myself well enough to know I won’t do a good job.

Nifemi: I’m not sure about having any either, and I think we are both cool with that.

You mentioned a break-up earlier. I want to know how you guys resolved the disagreement.

Nifemi: We agreed to make it work. We’ve established that we want to be with each other; it doesn’t matter if marriage is on the table or not. I think I’m scared to lose him, but I’m also okay with the possibility of things not going as planned.

Thompson: Moving forward, I told her to give me the benefit of the doubt and not overthink my intentions toward her, and that has helped us. Now, when we disagree, we just talk about it with the knowledge that the other person isn’t trying to hurt us.

What might you consider to be the future of this relationship?

Thompson: One where we both have a place we can call our own—we’re working towards moving in together if possible. We want to create a space where our families aren’t as involved.

Is this how you also envision the future, Nifemi?

Nifemi: I don’t see it any different. 

The marriage issue can still be discussed; what matters is spending our lives together. We’ve also agreed to be honest with each other.

How would you rate your love life?

Thompson: I’ll say it’s a 10. Our relationship is as perfect as is. There’s always room for improvement and growth, but we’ve found a system that works perfectly for us and that’s a good thing.

Nifemi: I’m with him on that. We’re intentional about each other, we know what works for us and we approach everything, together. There is no I; there is only us.

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