90's Baby | Zikoko!

7 Classic Cartoons That Taught Us Valuable Life Lessons

Astor George — Thu, 07 Feb 2019 11:00:52 +0000

The great thing about classic cartoons from the 90s is that they weren’t just fun and games. They also helped shape impressionable young minds with valuable life lessons while eschewing the cheesiness of Afterschool Specials.

Cartoons like:

1. Johnny Bravo

Johnny constantly getting turned down by women regardless of his good looks and charm taught us that while confidence is a good thing, too much confidence will most likely get you punched in the face and or spat on (i.e. unsolicited and relentless flirting is not the way to go when approaching a woman).

Also, the way he would pick himself up after each rejection (like nothing embarrassing happened) helped teach that rejection is a normal part of life.

2. Scooby Doo

Scooby Doo’s first lesson was to not judge a book by its cover. Most episodes featured a red herring character who the Scooby gang always believed was responsible for whatever was going on JUST because said character was creepy looking.

Secondly, each episode of the show’s original format ended with the reveal that the monster-of-the-week was really just a human wearing a costume. The key takeaway from this was that in real life, humans are the real monsters.

3. Sponge Bob

The show about the living sponge taught about the power of positivity. In the face of disasters hitting Bikini Bottom, Mr Krab’s annoying penny pinching, and Squidward’s eternal funk, Spongebob was always so damn positive. Something we need more of in the world today.

4. Powerpuff Girls

Powerpuff Girls was all about girl power and the fact that sometimes, big things do come in little packages. It also worked hard to destroy the concept of gender stereotypes. Here’s a conversation the girls had when trying to figure out the gender of a new neighbour based on the their property and Bubbles was being hella unwoke.

5. Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner

Wile E. Coyote is the dictionary definition of perseverance. Could he have tried eating some other animal? Yes. Did that ever occur to him? Occasionally (he tried eating Bugs Bunny a couple of times). But he was so intent on catching the Road Runner that he spent 3 DECADES going after it, gravely injuring himself in the process with his numerous malfunctioning contraptions.

And his perseverance paid off in the end. A lot of people don’t know this but he actually caught the Road Runner in an episode of the show released in 1980.

Then this happened:

6. Ed, Edd n Eddy

Watching Ed, Edd, and Eddy spend the better part of their teenage years trying (and failing) to scam their friends and family out of money to buy candy taught us all that NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SECURING THE BAG.

7. Captain Planet

Mostly primary coloured superhero, Captain Planet, and his impossibly racially diverse group of Planeteers set out every episode to stop villains who were hell-bent on destroying the Earth via various environmentally unsafe activities (e.g. deforestation, poaching, pollution etc).

A bit more obvious about its intentions than the other shows on this list, the show taught kids about environmentalism by showing the dangers of activities harmful to the environment using the typical monster-of-the-week format. It even explored themes like drug abuse and HIV/AIDS discrimination, topics no kids show at the time would’ve touched with a 6-foot pole.

BONUS ENTRY: Super Book

The most exciting thing to come out of the religious genre since Mel Gibson’s “The ~~Torture~~ Passion of the Christ,” this show taught me that the Butterfly Effect is a scam. If I ever get my hands on a time machine, I am going to the past to intentionally fuck shit up, confident that, like Yuri and Gizmo’s adventures in biblical times, it will have no effect on my present/future.

5 Old Nigerian Adverts That Were Pretty Much Just Horror Movies In Disguise

Astor George — Mon, 04 Feb 2019 13:03:32 +0000

Unlike their foreign counterparts, one thing Nigerian brands never do is invest in ad universes that they can build on. Indomie seemed like they had something with The ~~Incredibles~~ Indomietables but that idea died almost immediately so I’m guessing they didn’t know what to do with it.

Then are those brands that unknowingly created rich ad universes that could’ve been gold mines if only they’d known to hire me to pointlessly overanalyze their ads like I’m about to. Brands like:

1. Ribena

https://youtu.be/lTcrcFtbf5s

The above version was released for Asian markets.

Released in the mid-2000s, this ad features a girl, who, after drinking a glass of Ribena given to her by her mother, goes on a quick LSD-style mind trip through Ribena Land. Ribena land is a CGI wonderland full of adorable anthropomorphic berries who spend their days making Ribena (turning the water in a nearby river into juice by soaking themselves in it).

In reality, berries are technically crushed for their juice. Now, take those cute singing berries from the ad and put them in a real-life blackcurrant juice making process and watch their sounds go from catchy jingle to screams of the damned.

2. Fumman Fruit Juice

This freakshow of an ad takes place in an orchard where anthropomorphic apples and oranges are hanging out (LOL) on trees while weirdly excited humans in Fumman-branded vests go about picking fruit for Fumman’s juice factory. Each fruit picked lets out a small squeal of delight, as if happy to be deemed worthy of being made into juice. The camera cuts to a mother orange and her baby orange who haven’t been picked. The following conversation ensues between them:

Baby orange (sad & whining): Mummy, why wasn’t I picked? I also want to become a Fumman juice!

Mother orange: Don’t worry, dearest. When you’re mature and ripe, you’ll definitely become a Fumman juice. Just like your father.

The camera then cuts to a shot of Father orange, who’s been picked and is now laying in a basket. He says this:

Father orange (chuckles excitedly): I finally made it!

This ad left 12-year old me equal parts horrified and confused.

Do these fruits not know that this is a The Island situation and that they’re being carted off to be killed? Is mother orange not bothered about her husband being taken away because she thinks she’ll join him soon? Is baby orange going to grow up without a father? Is this ad implying that oranges have sex?!

3. This Miranda Ad Starring The 3 Orange Men

Miranda released a bunch of ads in the early 1990s starring what I believed for a long time were the human versions of those monocoloured plastic dolls that used to be really popular. On the surface, the ads were innocent, maybe a little strange because what these humanoid beings were or what their deal was was never revealed.

But here’s my theory.

In this alternate universe, these guys are part of an alien race who have invaded earth and wiped out humanity (which explains why you don’t see any humans). These ads depict them exploring their newly conquered planet. What I can’t explain is why they seem confused by that television. Because you’d think that any alien race capable of conquering Earth would possess superior technology.

4. Royco

This ad resurfaced in 2017 when people suddenly realized it had mad meme potential. It starts with a husband who’s just returned home from work. He meets his wife at the door literally waiting with open arms to welcome him but he rebuffs her gesture and walks off angrily, leaving her wondering who shit in his oatmeal. She is later shown trying (and failing) to appease him with a glass of orange juice. She gets one last idea to make him dinner using Royco seasoning cubes.

While Wife is slaving away in the kitchen, Husband grabs his car keys and proceeds to storms out of the house. He is stopped in his tracks by the aroma of Wife’s food and goes to sit at the dining table. When Wife emerges with the food, Husband gives her a creepy-ass approving smile, letting her (and the viewers) know that hunger was the reason for his mood swing.

While everyone was memeing away, I saw this ad for what it really is: A story of an innocent woman who suffers constant psychological abuse from her husband. For example, giving the silent treatment whenever he wants something, instead of just communicating like a fucking adult.

No kids are seen, heard, or referenced. So for the sake of my narrative, I’m going to assume they haven’t been married for long. His abusive behaviours (which he hid well during their courtship years) are just starting to manifest. She’s young and naive so she hasn’t figured out that these random outbursts aren’t isolated events. He eventually gets physically abusive, leading her to bash his head in with a pot of egusi soup in self-defence.

Someone get Nollywood on the phone.

5. Dangote Chicken Noodles

This ad inadvertently taught a generation of kids, through the use of cheap animation and 90s style rap and choreography, that cannibalism is crazy stupid cool. It features anthropomorphic chickens dropping sick bars about how delicious Dangote chicken noodles are.

Enough said.

Where Did All The Nigerian Boy-Band Duos Go?

Boyin Plumptre — Mon, 29 Oct 2018 13:18:29 +0000

The 90s were simpler times for music in Nigeria. Lagbaja was giving us hit after hit and all Zaaki had to do was shine torch and everywhere went crazy!

Simpler times! Happier times!

The 90s/early 00s also gave us something special — boybands!

But we’re not talking your average Westlife numbers. These guys didn’t like to loud things and kept their circle small; two was the magic number!

To start our beloved duo boy-bands of Nigeria’s list, let’s take your minds back to the iconic Zule Zoo

Their smash hit Kerewa was so good, it had to be banned for public safety! Remembering my 12-year old self singing inappropriately about how mummy was doing things on the down-low makes me want to download their entire discography again.

Before another set of twins came dancing into our television sets, we were originally blessed with The Mamuzee Twins

Can your faves make hits while dancing in-sync, rocking matching print-pants and tribal chokers? We didn’t think so either.

Third on our list is the bubbly duo of Junior and Pretty

Waltzing into our hearts with a super-detailed account of their hot-pursuit of Bolanle, Junior and Pretty dominated the 90s music scene. With new singles out in 2018, let’s see what they have planned for the Nigerian music scene.

Break-dancing and moon-walking into this list is the group we never thought would end things — Psquare

Made up of Peeduh and Por, this brotherly boy-band had us hooked with hit and after hit all the way from Senorita, up until Nobody Ugly. But when the world needed them the most, they vanished!

In fact, we’re still so hurt by their break-up, we thought to bring this back to everyone’s attention:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=codB_qZqrik

What really happened to #webeonenobetwo ?

KC Presh had hits for days and days!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJhO_Z_7gVc

And even though KCEE is out here doing big things musically, we do miss this iconic duo.

Lest we forget, Maintain was on one that year!!

Before Olu Maintain made Colin Powell awkwardly dance the Yahooze, he was making everyone catch cold with his cousin Tolu in the musical duo – Maintain

Eyo, eyo!! rounding up this list is no other than Black Reverendz!

With a stiff warning of just what Ayangba girls can do to you, Black Reverendz stormed the Nigerian music scene in the year 2000. With a remix of Ayangba girls and several singles being dropped, they just might be coming to reclaim their place in the Nigerian music scene.

We Just Remembered Our 5 Favourite Soap Operas From 12 Years Ago And Now We’re Crying

Astor George — Fri, 02 Jun 2017 14:12:22 +0000

1. Passions

First things first, the Passions theme song was freaking awesome. You can’t even deny that. Passions followed the lives of the residents of the fictional town called Harmony, chronicling their various romantic and paranormal adventures. The major storylines focused on the interactions between the core families: The Russells, The Cranes, The Bennettes, and The Lopez-Fitzgeralds. Like any good soap opera, Passions had it all (romance, lies, betrayal, sex, murder) but truly excelled when they included elements of the supernatural involving the characters Tabitha (a centuries old witch), her doll, Timmy (who could come to life) and Charity Standish (a girl who had the ability to harness the forces of goodness. Lol). We were all crushed when AIT for some reason decided to stop airing Passions. Contrary to what people think, the show wasn’t cancelled and actually ran from 1999 and had a proper ending in 2008. If you miss the show and want to catch up, you can go to NBC’s website and read up.

2. Sunset Beach

Sunset Beach actually premiered in 1997, 2 years before Passions did, but didn’t last as long. AIT hooked Nigeria up and and began airing it after they stopped airing Passions (probably so people wouldn’t start committing suicide due to awesome soap opera withdrawal). It followed the lives of the residents of Sunset Beach and the shenanigans they got involved in. The show was mostly known for its batshit crazy storylines like that time when all around evil woman, Virginia, stole a doctor’s sperm, drugged Vanessa and artificially inseminated her with a freaking TURKEY BASTER (LOL!) so Vanessa’s husband, Michael, would think she had been sleeping with the doctor. Or that time a couple of characters stole jewels from a statue of Mary only to find out that the jewels were cursed and whoever possessed them would eventually shrivel up and die. You guys, Sunset Beach might have been insane but it was pretty good. Also, how do cursed jewels end up on a statue of Mary? LOL

3. When You Are Mine (Cuando Seas Mia)

When You Are Mine was pretty much the first Nigerian foray into the world of Mexican telenovelas. It starred Silvia Navarro and Sergio Basanez as Paloma and Diego respectively who spent most of the show’s run just trying to be together but family members and other factors wouldn’t let them be. Who remembers Diego’s brother, Fabian and his INSANELY hot wife, Barbara? Or Diego’s slightly unattractive wife, Berenice, who seemed to sleep with everybody?? When You Are Mine was a very good show but what made it really great was the chemistry between the show’s leads. It was epic.

4. Second Chance

EVERYBODY watched Second Chance. Someone once said that if you went out on the street whenever Second Chance was on, there would be no one out and you would hear the show’s dialogue coming from the TV sets of every home. It was about this rich old man named Don Pedro that marries a much younger woman named Isabel and then promptly dies. Thing is, his soul doesn’t move on to the afterlife but goes into the body of a poor handsome man named Salvador. He goes to his house, gets a job as driver and slowly begins to uncover a shitload of secrets, truths and deception. This show was mostly popular because of how fine the main character, Salvador, was. This is pretty much how the conversation goes between people who watched it and people who didn’t.

Person 1: Did you watch Second Chance?

Person 2: No.

Person 1: AH! You missed gan! Salvador the main character was so fine!

A lot of people who didn’t watch the show now think that the only reason people liked it was because the lead was fine.

One question nobody bothered to ask was this, if Don Pedro’s soul went into Salvador’s body, even tho the real Salvador wasn’t dead at the time, where did the real Salvador’s soul go the entire time his body was possessed by Don Pedro’s soul?

Feel free to answer this in the comments.

If you can.

5. Catalina and Sebastian

This show was the first time Sergio Basanez and Silvia Navarro lit up the screen together (it was their undeniable chemistry on this show that led to them being cast again on When You are Mine). Catalina (Silvia Navarro) marries a rich man named Sebastian (Sergio Basanez) purely for his money but is given the shock of her life when she goes to the ranch he lives on after the wedding and finds out that he’s really just the ranch supervisor. In reality, he really is rich and is just testing her by forcing her to live the life of a poor woman. Eventually, Catalina starts to love him regardless of him being poor. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

More Zikoko!

10 Things That Happen When You Die (According To Nollywood)

We Decided To Ask About Your Favorite Nigerian Actors From The 90’s And Here’s What We Found

Astor George — Wed, 10 May 2017 17:34:43 +0000

1. Regina Askia

One time Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria, Regina Askia successfully transitioned from modelling to acting and gave us breath taking performances in movies like Full Moon and Most Wanted. We found out that she got married, moved to America with her family and is now a registered nurse.

2. Susan Patrick

Susan Patrick lit our screens up when she played the title role in “Sakobi the Girl”. She was one of the Nollywood A-listers in her day but her career kind of went off track when her husband died in 2006. She tried breaking back into the industry later on but just couldn’t. Sad.

3. Sandra Achums

Sandra was a legit leading lady in the 1990’s starring in hits like Domitilla, Deadly Affair and Ashanti (LOL!). We found out that she gave up the up the life of fame for matrimony and now only pops up in the news when she’s having a new baby.

4. Ernest Obi

Ernest Obi was an actor and sometimes director known for movies like Love Crime, Daytime Lovers and Italian Deal. He suddenly vanished from the public eye and we found out that things haven’t been so rosy for him. APPARENTLY, his ex-wife accused him of impregnating his step-daughter several times and subjecting her to countless abortions. WHAT THE HELL FAM?!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Saint Obi

The dictionary definition of Nollywood leading man, Saint Obi was on all our screens playing leading roles in movies like Candle Light and Sakobi the Snake Girl. We all thought he quit the business when he stopped showing up in movies but he said himself that he was still active. When asked why he wasn’t in anything recent, he said that even though he gets a lot of movie role offers, he turns them down because of their quality. We’re not saying that it’s a lie but we’re saying that it sounds LIKE a lie.

6. Charles Okafor

Known for movies like Sting, World of Riches and End of The Wicked, Charles Okafor was a major presence in Nollywood but has been in anything in recent times. When asked why, he said that he has found Jesus and therefore can’t just be in any script that doesn’t give a positive message. We hope he’s happy.

7. Shan George

Light skinned beauty, Shan George was known for movies like Outkast (that was really infamous for all its nudity), Thorns of Rose and Welcome to Nollywood. After an attempt at a music career (remember that her abomination of a song? LOL!) she attempted to make a comeback by starring in a terrible movie named “Prada” about female footballers that was so terrible NO ONE saw it in cinemas so they sold it to Silverbird who broke it down into episodes and tried to pass it off as a series. It was still terrible.

8. Eucharia Anunobi

Who could possibly forget fabulous Eucharia and her batshit crazy fashion sense (remember her makeup and eyebrows?! LOL)? She was fabulous in movies like Abuja Connection, Dorathy My Love and Glamour Girls. Eucharia left the movie business to become an Evangelist. The only thing funny about this is that she still makes up like an ancient chinese demon. LOL!

9. Hanks Anuku

Hanks Anuku was Nollywood’s bad boy. No literally, he played the role of the ‘bad boy’ in EVERY movie. He also almost always played a Nigerian who went to school in America and just got back. Nollywood stereotypes are the worst. He was in movies like Men on the hard way, Wanted Alive and Bitter Honey. Last we heard of him, he had relocated to Ghana and become an official Ghanaian. When asked why, he cited Nigeria’s seemingly eternal economic crisis as the reason. We feel your pain, Hanks. Also there was that time he was accused of giving his wife AIDS though he said that wasn’t true sha.

10. Ndidi Obi

Remember her? How could you not?! She was the lead in one of the most iconic Nollywood movies of all time, Nneka the Pretty Serpent. Problem is that since then, she hasn’t been in much stuff. We did some digging and found out that in 2013, she became an official in her church. Good for you, Ndidi.

11. Francis Duru

Star of the epic movie, Rattlesnake, he vanished from the public eye. We know he’s married happily with kids but we don’t know exactly what he’s up to.

12. Ernest Asuzu

Having been in movies like Royal War and Campus Queen, Ernest Asuzu disappeared from the public eye while being involved in a lot of controversies that led to rumours about his sanity. We heard that he found Jesus. Good for him.

13. Obot Etuk

It has been said that that Obot Etuk was the queen of supporting roles that played supporting roles long enough to convince people that she was leading lady material. Rumor has it that she gave up on the movie business when she realized she would never be among the A-listers. No one has seen her since.

14. Hilda Dokubo

Hilda Dokubo could cry!Jesus! She was damn good at it too. If you need proof, checkout this screenshot of her official Wikipedia photo.

HER OFFICIAL WIKIPEDIA PHOTO IS OF HER CRYING! LMAO! Anyways, she was in awesome movies like End of the wicked and Light and Darkness. She hasn’t been in much over the last decade but we did find out that she played a supporting role in the 2015 movie, Stigma and this role won her an Africa Movie Academy Award.

If you enjoyed this, read this next article what some Nollywood actors would look like as cartoon characters.

If Nollywood Actors Were Cartoon Characters…

Quiz: 90’s Babies, How Well Do You Remember These Old Nigerian Ads?

Egremont — Fri, 05 May 2017 13:22:20 +0000

How well do you remember TV from ten years ago?

Do you remember those really cool jingles us 90’s babies grew up listening to? You do? No, we don’t believe it! Prove it – take this quiz and defend your memory of our childhood days!

9 Boy Bands Every 90’s Child Definitely Jammed To

Shola — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 08:23:36 +0000

1. Boyz II Men

2. Plantashun Boyz

https://youtu.be/vrvBapeaOI4

3. Westlife

4. B2K

5. Backstreet Boys

6. Styl Plus

7. NSYNC

8. Dru Hill

9. Micheal Learns To Rock

24 School Books Kids Born In The 80s And 90s Will Remember

chioma — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 06:15:12 +0000

If you can recognize all the books on this list, then I’m sorry to break it to you, but you are getting old!

1. Sugar Girl

Remember meek Ralia and Ayawa the witch, with her scary breasts that have a life of their own?

2. Understanding Mathematics

The bane of our existence!

3. Ugo C. Ugo

The book we all had to study to pass our national common entrance exams to get into secondary school.

4. Larcombe’s Mathematics

Who understood the calculations in it?

5. Joys of Motherhood

Our introduction to the works of Buchi Emeta. Wonder what she’s up to these days.

6. Brighter Grammar

Makes learning English easy.

7. Macmillan Primary English

Who remembers Ali and Simbi?

8. The Lion and the Jewel

Baroka fights with Lakunle over the right to marry Sidi.

9. Things Fall Apart

Okonkwo and Ikemefuna. ‘Nuff said.

10. Key Points for the various subjects

This book saved a lot of students in the exam hall.

11. The Bottled Leopard

The part where everybody in the book thought the world was coming to an end, because of an eclipse is just hilarious!

12. Books by Enid Blyton

A lot of people still think Enid Blyton is a man.

13. Eze Goes to School

Eze having to wake up when the first cock crows just to prepare for school.

14. Modern Biology

Many students studied this solely for the benefit of studying the reproductive system.

15. Chike and the River

Before the Niger bridge existed.

16. New School Physics

A big, black text book of horror, pain and sadness.

17. New School Chemistry a.k.a Ababio

The book was full of hieroglyphics for some people.

18. The Drummer Boy

Was based on the life of Benjamin ‘Kokoro’ Aderounmu.

19. Koku Baboni

A childless woman taking on a baby she found in the evil forest is just touching.

20. Alawiye

The ultimate Yoruba textbook.

21. Without A Silver Spoon

All about morals, morals and more morals.

22. Odenigbo

When he became an outcast for seeking protection from the gods.

23. My Mother’s Daughter

Unforgettable scene: her father eating raw pepper like garden egg.

24. The Queen Primer

Our introduction to English Language.

Memories, memories. Those were the days, the days of freedom when we had little care in the world.

[zkk_poll post=18675 poll=content_block_standard_format_25]

This Little Boy’s Description of a 90s Action Movie is Absolutely Hilarious

chioma — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 12:03:33 +0000

Remember when we were kids and we loved to watch “actor and boss” movies like Rambo, Die Hard, Rush Hour, Once Upon a Time in China, Karate Kid, 7 Lucky Kids and the rest? Then share the stories with our friends and act them out?

Those were the days.

A little kid has taking it to a whole new level.

Nine year old Alex from Mvuleni, Tanzania gave a really entertaining story of his favourite action movie: Commando.

His tale interspersed with clips of the movie makes a very funny video.

Watch it below:

This video was created by Mama Hope to break the stereotype that African children are underfed skeletal beings who need help from Western benefactors. And instead, little humans with minds of their own. And “that even continents apart, they had the same essential qualities we love: imagination, creativity, and hilarity“.

This Was How Nigerians Threw Birthday Parties For Kids Back In The ‘90s

Daniel Orubo — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 07:00:23 +0000

This was seriously the most important part, and usually took like half a day.

Starter pack for Nigerian party jollof rice pic.twitter.com/cRGjcPJUZt

— L•O•R•D• (@aWoZy) November 16, 2014

…usually went down in the backyard.

The birthday girl got to rock her ‘telephone wire’ hairstyle with a flood of colorful clips.

#GrowingUpNigerian You had this Hairstyle twice every year. Your Birthday & Christmas. #Tigbeti pic.twitter.com/GCul8Nq6W0

— (@_digital_dash) July 20, 2015

…and the birthday boy got a nice cut, usually with a side parting.

There was usually an unhealthy looking Barney (or a Clown that was more scary than funny).

…and he never even tried to sound like the Barney on TV.

Then they just had to play these 2 songs:

1. Unleash the dragon

2. Thong song

Sisqo was basically present at every ’90s birthday party.

Then a game of musical chairs

…which more often than not, turned pretty violent

At this point, everybody is already impatiently eyeing the party jollof rice and “minerals”.

#GrowingUpNigerian what comes to your mind whenever you hear the word "party" pic.twitter.com/t6glEfs9S4

— (@_digital_dash) July 17, 2015

…so it gets shared. Which is the real reason half the guests came in the first place.

The celebrant then gets to dance.

By themselves, of course.

Can’t risk them being outshined by THAT oversabi child.

‘You can go and shine at your own birthday party, please.’

After that, all the other kids are allowed to “show themselves”

….usually for a chance to win something.

Then the pictures with the celebrant and their cake begins

Alternating between young guests, old guests, parents, and it just goes on and on and on.

…with this song playing in the background.

Sigh! The nostalgia.

Then the cake and the party packs are shared

The contents rarely mattered as long as half of it was edible.

…and then everyone leaves, till it’s time for someone else’s birthday party.

Featured Image: Celeb Mobile Wall